Watch You Bleed
by end of the road10
Summary: 'The last word I heard before everything faded to black were laced in hate. Malice. Contempt. Disgusting words no sixteen year old girl should hear. I should not be here.' WARNING dark themes, violence, strong language
1. Chapter 1

**Introduction**

Bella POV

The last word I heard before everything faded to black were laced in hate. Malice. Contempt. Disgusting words no sixteen year old girl should hear. I should not be here. I was meant to be at school. I should be sitting behind a desk gossiping with my friends and exchanging beauty tips. Arguing with my dad about the length of my skirt and giggling with my Mother in the kitchen whilst she made dinner. I should not be here.

"Bella?" The black cleared, it always did and always too soon in my opinion. I rolled onto my side and retched but nothing came up just a burning acidy taste that had me retch again and again until I tasted blood. What the hell had he given me this time? And what did he want from me? Why was I here? "Bella, sweetheart, darling," he stroked the side of my face and his features blurred into view, "My sweet young Bella-," he continued to coo. His breath smelt like cigarettes and wine. I could hear the throb of music downstairs or was it coming from the next room? I had no clue where I was. A hotel? A house? Someone's home? No, this could never be a home. Home meant warmth and love. Love wasn't here, "Baby, oh baby," he almost sang his lips flush against mine now, his tongue dancing into my mouth, "baby," his fingers walked a painful path down my shaking, convulsing body and he stabbed them inside. I had learnt not the scream by now. Screams only turned him more, "So welcoming, so wet," he muttered working two fingers into me, "You're a whore, Isabella. Only a whore would get a wet cunt before a rapist," he cleared his throat and the volume of his voice pitched as his hand pushed all the way in, stretching me, making me squirm and grimace, "only a whore would get fucking wet before a murderer!"

My lips quivering, ashamed, beaten. Humiliated. Slick. I was a whore. he was right. What kind of sick human being would squelch and curl at his hand? I could feel hot liquid seeping between my thighs. i was sick. I was a whore. I was a whore. I silently bit down, ignoring the pain erupting all over my body. I bit down until I tasted blood willing myself not to scream.

"That's it baby," he began to sing again, "come for me, scream. No one can hear you now," and the knife in his hand slashed at my stomach one last time.


	2. Chapter 2

Edward POV

I would always remember the day Isabella Swan went missing. Just like I would always remember the day she was found.

We were new to the neighbourhood, moving in next door to the Swans. That first day helping my Father lug heavy furniture into the house I had seen her peering down at my from an upstairs window. She had smiled shyly and disappeared out of view before I had chance to acknowledge her but that first glimpse – that first smile was a fucking dream. Imagine it! A horny sixteen year old boy moving in next door to a hottie like that? Holy shit, my mates back in Phoenix would be jealous as hell that was for sure. As the day progressed and as my Mother and little sister voices grew more urgent as the light began to fade Isabella crept into my thoughts. Unruly waves of dark curls and whiter than white skin that seemed to shimmer as the light hit her face. My teenage imagination ran riot. What all that thick hair would look like fanned out on my pillow, what those red, chewed lips would feel like wrapped around my cock. Fuck – she would be heaven. She would knock spots off the plastic blonde girls back home.

"Edward!" my dad called across the front yard, his arms laden down with shoe boxes of Alice's shoes.

"Yeah?" I shifted the rug in my hands to cover my ever growing erection.

"Come and meet Emmett!" Alice danced around me excitedly and pulled on my arm so I dropped the rug and was tugged forward towards the fence, "Emmett lives next door and his Dad, Charlie and this is Renee and we're all going to be great friends, just you wait and see."

I rose an eyebrow at Dad and he smirked, used to my sisters ADD

"Hey," I extended my hand towards Charlie Swan first. He was wearing a sheriffs jacket. Shit! I was living next door to a god damned cop, "I'm Edward."

"Nice to meet you Edward," Charlie shook my hand and I could tell he was sizing me up.

I fucking hate cops. Still do. I wasn't a bad kid but one of the reasons we'd moved was because I'd fallen in with the wrong crowd back in Phoenix and got into some trouble with the cops. Dad had been offered a new residency and he'd taken it, effectively killing two birds with one stone.

"Hey man," the guy next him – shit, the huge fucking guy next to him grabbed my hand into a frat boy hand shake and boomed with laughter as my delicate boyish hand was swallowed into his huge paw, "I'm Emmett. Stay the fuck away from my sister and you'll be just fine," he began to shake with laughter again at Alice's little yelp at his bad language and I guess my reaction to his little warning, "What's on tonight?" he asked me directly. I shrugged. I didn't know anyone. I was the new kid in town, "Once you've finished up here come on over."

"Why don't you all come on over," a woman strolled out of the house shivering into a scarf and struggling on her gloves, "Hello," she smiled widely at my father and then down at Alice, "I'm Renee, welcome to the area."

"Thank you," Carlisle smiled back easily, "and thank you for your invitation, that is very kind of you."

"It'll be out pleasure," Renee winked down at Alice and then swatted at Emmett's substantial arm, "Don't you think I heard you cursing, young man. You may be twice my size but don't think you're not old enough for a clip around the ear," she teased. I smiled and turned to get back to work throwing a look up at the window where I had seen the Swans daughter earlier.

"She's at her dance class," Alice flitted around at my side watching my expression for disappointment, sometimes she knew what I was thinking before I even though it, "Renee's going to collect her now. She'll be at dinner later. We're going to have so much fun. Did you see the size of Emmett, he's just like a big teddy bear. Do you think we'll like it here, Edward? Will you behave so we can stay longer this time."

"Yes Alice," I winked down at her suddenly in a good mood. Dinner with a Goddess. Albeit a family dinner but my spirits lifted. Maybe forks wouldn't be such a bust after all.

A lot can happen in a short space of time. We never made it to dinner. But we had a front seat for the nightmares of that evening. I shudder at the memory. It was horrifying. The week that followed even more so. The police lights and sirens and news bulletins on TV. My mother and father rallied around with the rest of the town and tried to hold Renee and Charlie up in amongst the pain and torture of their teenager daughter disappearance. Days passed. Then weeks. Months.

As Alice and I settled in at Forks high school the Swans anguish and desperation grew. I would often come home from school and find Renee crying in the kitchen as my mother administered tea and tried to still her gut wrenching sobs. Carlisle counselled Charlie the best he could but I think the man was driven mad with guilt and sorrow. He was the chief and his thinking was he should be able to find his daughter or at least understand what had happened to her. But she was gone. She was lost.

And then there was Emmett. Shit. My heart went out to him, it really did. I was a big brother, if Alice so much as scraped her knee as a kid I went into protective big brother mode, I could only imagine what he was feeling. In the years that followed Emmett became a ghost. Tormented with the memory of his sister and hell bent on getting as fucked up as he could to ease his pain. I lost count of how many bar fights I pulled him out of and how many times I carried his drunk ass back to his parents. I watched the six foot five giant sink into the depths of depression and drugs and then I watched him claw his way back again. Carlisle put him through rehab twice before he kicked his habit and was able to make peace with his rage. I wish the same could have been said for Renee and Charlie. Renee died three years to the very day of Bella's disappearance, she simply just gave up and necked a bottle of vicodin before dinner. Charlie was killed in a car accident two years after. He was drunk behind the wheel and fuck, how much more could Emmett endure but somehow he survived. He made it through and I held on tight to our friendship despite my going away to college in New York. I felt tied to him somehow. My buddy. My best friend, my brother seeing as he was always at our place raiding our fridge and bugging Alice.

Six years passed. Six whole mystery years of Bella Swans life. I was at medical school. Emmett had set up his own gym, with the help of Carlisle and the sale of his parents house he'd built up a sound business. I was proud of him. He'd met a great girl, Rosalie who was good for him. She could handle his rage and constant search for the truth. Emmett had never given up hope and one day – July 15th, on an usually bright summers day I got a call that would change everything.


	3. chapter 3

**I apologise for the badly written first instalments to this story. I am not sure how to go back and correct them so please accept my apologies for that. Also I didn't even point out a few of the obvious starters to a story – it's been a while since I last posted on here. **

**I do not own twilight or any characters etc etc – everything is Stephanie Meyers. I may have changed some aspects of Bella and Edward's personalities. I used to write Jacob and Renesme fictions but I'm done with the supernatural for a while. **

**Please review of you read, I'd love to hear what you all think of my fiction and any ideas are gladly received, I'm writing this as I go along. **

Bella's POV

The last cut. Everything has to end right? Death is peaceful. Easy. Living is harder. So much harder when you're lying in a pool of your own blood and urine praying for death, praying for some kind of freedom from the torment. I don't know how long I spent choking on vomit and blood. I didn't even know how long I had been locked up in that dark dank room. It could have been decades for all I knew. I lost count after the first month, trying to count the sunsets and sunrises out of the tiny barred window was fruitless. Especially if I was knocked unconscious like I so often was.

I don't know what made today different. I don't know what happened after the last man had clicked shut the door and bolted the lock with a definite clunk. My whole body was lost. My mind was teetering on the edge. My resolve, my will to live was past wavering. I was standing on the edge of some tumultuous cliff, my toes barely keeping myself from plummeting forward, away from my family. Away from my friends. Away forever.

Every day since I was taken I tried to think of my family. I spent hours reliving vacations spent in the sun, time spent with my brother Emmett helping him fix up his BMX's and then as he got older his cars. Curling up on the swing on our porch as my Mom read to me. Time on the beach with my Dad. Time that slipped by. My memories kept me sane, Emmett, Mom and Dad kept me sane. They kept all the pain at bay when it got really bad, all I had to do was close my eyes and they were with me fighting my corner, keeping my strength. I was never alone in that room. They were in my heart and the men who had stolen everything else couldn't take them away from me. Until – until I lost hope. That day. The day they trooped in and out like they were forming a line outside the door. The day when they cut too deep.

The blade it touched my heart and I could feel my family start to seep out. I just didn't have the energy to gather them up and hold them close anymore. I wanted out. I wanted emptiness so when they came in again I'd be just a shell. Then they could do what they wanted, it wouldn't hurt anymore. They had won. I was willing to surrender, they could have me once and for all.

I was dying. And I was ready.

"Up," a deep and rough voice pulled me back into consciousness. That and the fact he pressed something cold and hard into the knife wound in my side. Don't scream. Do not scream, they get off on that. Blood gurgled in the back of my throat. Why wouldn't they just leave me to die, "I said up you stupid piece of fucking SHIT!"

Whatever hit my in the stomach made me double up and curl into myself. I was kicked again and rolled onto my back and I felt the familiar slap of a calloused hand on the inside of my arm readying myself for another shot of whatever shit they decided to give me today.

"Awwww you're awake," A second set of boots came into view, "Fucking hell Dimitri, why are you giving her the good shit, huh?"

He didn't answer instead I watched the second man drop to the floor and lean in close to my face so I could see him more clearly, "Hanging in there, baby?" he clicked his tongue and stoked a finger down my face, his nail catching on a cut or a bruise or whatever, all I know is it hurt, "you're tough, Isabella. Has anyone ever told you are tough before? You're a survivor. The rest of the girls don't ever make it past the two year mark," he laughed lightly, "you've seen them, you would know."

I chocked on the blood and saliva pooling in my mouth. I did know. I had seen some die. They bled out from knife wounds and beatings. They would leave their bodies in the room with me until they started to decompose – I wretched at the memory of the smell.

"Almost done, darlin'," he whispered to me almost kindly, "You've done so well. "

"Hey," the other guy pushed the needle into my arm and let it fall back down onto the floor with a limp thud, "we should initiate the new guy," he began to laugh, I began to laugh I don't know what. The high from the drugs, whatever. I could see the black, it was coming. I was almost done, "Get James in here – tell him to bring Jazz."

Jazz. I liked Jazz. I used to listen to Jazz with Mom in the kitchen – pancakes – we used to make pan cakes – and Emmett – I was sliding forward, I could feel my body arch towards the liquid high in my veins, Emmett used to pour maple syrup, "Too much syrup," I lisped out and started to laugh again, throatier as the blood started to choke me.

"That's right baby," Dimitri, James, Caius, whoever it was laughed with me, " – she's fucked, fucking junky -," and another laugh.

"Takes one to know one," and more laughing. I laughed too.

"Bella?" I didn't respond, "Bella!" someone gripped my hair and slammed my head back down on the floor, "Look at me!"

I rolled my head and tried to smile but my face hurt too much.

"I got a new guy for you but you have to promise me you'll be extra nice," this was James, he always spoke to me that way.

"Yeah seeing as he's going to be the last to fuck you," another voice cracked with laughter.

"Shut the fuck up and get Jazz in here before she completely zones out," James snapped, "Bella! Stay with us – you're going to love Jazz. He'll treat you real rough, he's a bad ass like me."

"F-fuck you," I laughed again, "Fuck you," I spat out my mouth full of blood. It was coming. James rage at my insult. If he had his knife I'd be dead in minutes.

"WHORE!" he yelled into my face and grabbed my shoulders pulling me up right. His knee connected me my ribs and – crunch - I fell back into the wall and something smashed. I heard wood splinter and an unfamiliar voice shouting. Shouting but not at me. Shouting though, always shouting. I tried to hum a tune to drown it out.

"I said on your knees, asshole, hands behind your head," I heard. On my knees? Right now I couldn't even feel my knees. I did manage to knit my hands up behind my head though, still slumped against the wall, "Not you, darlin'," the voice said kindly. Not me? I blinked but I couldn't see, the pain was too bad, "Drop your weapon and -," there was a scuffle and I heard a gun shot. And another. Three.

"Isabella?" my head nodded with the drug and the loss of blood – I spat blood again, I heaved and felt heat radiate between my legs as my body started to lose control of it's functions, "Miss Swan? I'm Detective Whitlock, I'm going to take off my jacket to cover you with, would that be okay? The ambulance will be here any minute darlin'," I nodded again and shivered. Where was my gun shot? I was almost there, "Bella? Keep your eyes open for me? That's it," his face blurred. I should be frightened but I wasn't. I was almost done, "Where the fuck is the ambulance, Suzie? – no I'm not hurt, there's a girl here. Multiple stab wounds, breaks – shit! Bella? Darlin' can you hear me?"

Dying was easy. Peaceful. I was almost home.

Edwards POV

It had been a long fucking day. I was almost done. I glanced at the clock and then back at my patient who was watching a nurse across the ward. I checked their chart one last time before clapping him on the shoulder and wishing him well as I signed the discharge sheet. He had a mild renal infection, he would be fine with the right meds and rest.

"Thank you Doctor," his elderly face creased into a weak smile and I returned it before spinning on my heels and heading towards the nurses station, "hey," I smiled easily at the young nurse there. She had just started her shift, you could tell because she still looked presentable as the night wore on her uniform would become grubby and her hair would escape that pretty little clip she had holding it in place nice and neat.

"Good evening, Doctor Cullen," she blushed and quickly snatched up the phone before I could ask her out for a drink tomorrow night, "- uh huh – uh huh – Yes, I will be sure to tell him, Doctor Cullen – thank you."

I rose an eyebrow. My father worked on the fifth floor of the hospital in paediatrics whereas I was on the ground floor in the ER.

"Your Father would like to see you before you head home, I'm afraid," she smiled apologetically, "He said he tried to call your cell and he paged you -," yes he had paged me but I had chosen to ignore it. But he had called down for me. I frowned all thoughts of flirting with the pretty nurse leaving me. Dad never called down unless it was an emergency.

"Thanks," I nodded and headed to the elevator my mind working overtime to figure out what could be so important. Through my fatigue the best I could come up with Esme's father. He was elderly and had suffered several strokes in the past year. I was fucking exhausted, all I wanted was a beer and then my bed, anything else family related I couldn't handle right now. Selfish but true. I'd been on call for seventeen hours straight with only a ten minute nap in the on call room to keep me from losing my mind.

"Dr. Cullen," my father's receptionist purred as I walked through to his office. I staggered towards the door and lifted a tired smile for her, "You look terrible."

"Why thank you, Jane," I smirked, "You look -," I ran my eyes over her high waisted skirt and smart white tank top, "- nice?" I chuckled.

"Go right on in, Edward," she smiled.

"Hey Dad," I fell into the chair in front of his huge desk and watched him walk around it and to the door clicking it shut behind us. That set alarm bells off in my head. He never shut his door unless a patient was with him, "What's up?"

"Edward," he sat beside me and I frowned. He looked pained. My Father always looked impeccable, never a hair out of place, clean crisp suits. He hardly ever scowled or rose his voice. He was my rock and mentor but in all my twenty six years I had never seen him look like this.

"What is it? Is it Alice? Mom?" I sat up from my slouch.

Alice was in New York studying for her degree. I worried about her being in the city every day especially when she insisted on dating douchebag after fucking douchebag.

"They have found Isabella," Carlisle said slowly and clearly, "alive."

" – holy shit," I blinked and rubbed at my hair, "does Emmett know?" Of course he knew, he'd be the first to be told.

"He is with Rosalie but I think he would benefit from your company too," Carlisle smiled gently, "I know you are tired, son. I could -."

"No it's fine," I interrupted him, "Are they at his place?" fuck – I faltered, the goddess in the window from all those years ago still haunted me. Ridiculous really when I had only been sixteen. I theorised that the memory of Bella was made all the more vivid because I had seen her family fall apart in her absence. She was my best friend's little sister too and being at his place there were constant reminders in some of the photos he had tacked to the fridge or the frames set on the windowsill of the whole Swan family.

Carlisle shook his head no. I was reminded of his sombre mood again, "She's in the OR," fear suddenly gripped me as I remembered, "She was in Port Angeles all along."

"_**White, female. Multiple stab wounds -," a voice crackled over the radio, "severe abrasions to the head, torso – irregular heart beat -." **_

"_**I'll take it, Dr. Bryce," the attending snapped on a pair of gloves, "you're with me. Edward, Hannah – a gun shot victim is coming in with them – if he's not DOA." **_

_**As soon as the EMT's arrived the doors sprang open and I got to work. The victim wasn't a victim I found out. He was handcuffed to the gurney and the officer riding with him kept his hand on his gun the whole time, his jaw set and determination in his eyes. I ignored the cop and set to work, running alongside back into the hospital and into bedlam again. It was part of the job. You may not like it but you couldn't play god no matter how much of a mother fucker he or she was. **_

"_**Edward," I lifted my head briefly saw Jasper standing in the doorway and quickly resumed my work. He was covered in blood. I noticed that much. And he was deathly pale, in shock. I quickly summarized he had shot this man. **_

"_**Hey buddy," I muttered out hurriedly.**_

"_**Edward, there's something you should know-," his voice was small and pained but I didn't have time, my patient was going into shock.**_

"_**What is it, Jasper? -Shit! He's bleeding out! Get Dr. Winters on the phone now!" I hustled a nurse out of the way all thoughts of Jazz forgotten as I tried to save the patient's life**_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the reviews and story alerts any ideas or opinions just let me know via reviews or PM's, thank you so much again, it means so much to me to hear your thoughts about it all **

**Edward's POV **

"Edward," Jasper stopped the elevator just before the doors eased closed. He pulled them apart and sidled in. He was in a clean change of clothes but the pale expression on his face was still the same. I had known Jasper for over a year now. He worked in Port Angeles on vice and he would disappear for months at a time going undercover. I know he was pushing for a promotion so he wouldn't have to invest so much of his private life into the police department. Can you fucking imagine making friends with criminals, earning their trust? Sitting down to fucking dinner with known murderers and drug dealers? I know I couldn't do it. I'd want to reach across and rip their heads off.

I rarely saw Jasper and when I did it was always at my place. I hadn't once seen his apartment or been to a bar with him. I'd never seen him in the hospital until now and you tend to see certain cops all of the time when they came in with patients or to have their own wounds dressed. You got to know the familiar faces that passed through here. I should have guessed earlier when Jazz came to find me something was up.

I tugged at my hair mostly out of stress but exhaustion was beginning to hit me harder than earlier. I couldn't think straight and I hated that.

"You found her," I stated. It wasn't a question it was written all over his face. Jasper knew Emmett pretty well too, he knew about Bella.

"I never thought for one second James had her," Jazz sighed, "It was a den in Port Angeles. I was working towards getting the fucker up for dealing and trafficking – I – I knew something was off, I just knew it when he called me up and invited me over to hang. He said he had a surprise for me."

I stole a look at Carlisle as Jazz spoke in the elevator. His face was calm but I could see he was upset too. We exchanged a look and I knew we were thinking the same thing. Jazz shouldn't be telling us all of this and the fact that he was meant he was in shock. He needed to get it out and explain. Jasper was a mean motherfucker, he had seen more shit than I care to imagine. So when he had found Bella it must have been bad.

"You shot him," I said clearly. The guy I had pulled back from death was put there by Jaspers bullet.

"He reached for his gun," Jazz shrugged, "he was -," he shuddered and shook his head squeezing his eyes shut, "- on her. I went in there and I knew I had to break cover, I couldn't leave her in that room any longer. I know I should have waited for back up and stayed but I – I couldn't-," I watched him fall to pieces as the doors dinged open. I immediately hit the button wanted our privacy back.

"Breathe, Jazz," I laid a hand on his shoulder and felt him start to shake violently, "Nice and easy breaths, buddy."

Carlisle watched our exchange but remained silent. I wish I could read his thoughts. What was he thinking under that cool façade?

"- this is so fucked up!" Jasper suddenly yelled, "sh- she was so fucked up and the bod-bodies and -," I watched his fists clench and I knew he was about to lash out. Instinctively I took a step towards him and nodded to Carlisle. I left a hand on his shoulder and the other one I pressed to his chest feeling his heart thudding like a jack hammer in his chest.

"Breathe with me, man," I urged him tapping my finger on his chest, "IN through your nose and out through your mouth-," I repeated the motion a few times until I felt him relax, "Keep doing that, okay? In through your nose and out through your mouth."

He nodded and his eyelids began to droop as he realised his surroundings.

"Do you have anyone you can stay with tonight?" Carlisle spoke for the first time.

Jasper shook his head.

"Then you can stay with us," he flipped his phone open and held his hand up to stop any of jazz's protests, "Hello darling-," I smiled as he spoke to my mother and asked her to set up one of the guests rooms, he glanced at me and corrected himself, 'better air out Edwards old room too' I smiled and winked at Jasper.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him.

"Real fucking shakey," He smiled sheepishly.

"Come with me," I pushed the button to open the elevator doors again and I led the way to a vending machine. I punched in two numbers and handed Jasper the candy bar and soda that thunked out at the bottom, "eat those and sit."

I watched him unwrap the chocolate and I wondered how long I should stay with him if Emmett needed me? I was sort of torn. I didn't think it'd be good for Jazz to be anywhere near the OR if he's this upset.

"I should have told you that you were working on James. I didn't know you were treating him until Jared told me," Jasper explained his southern lazy drawl back now. Thank God. He;d sounded fucking weird mid anxiety attack. Jazz was always the calm one.

"Dude," I sat down beside him, "You didn't know and it's cool, okay? So forget about it."

"Okay," he nodded, "Thanks, man."

"Do you have a ride?" Carlisle approached us, sliding his cell back into his pocket.

"Yeah," He stood and nodded down at me, "I'll see you later yeah?"

"There's beers in the fridge," Carlisle told him, "and drive safe."

Saying goodbye to Jasper we then headed toward ICU where Bella had just been moved to. There wasn't much that happened in the hospital that Carlisle didn't know about and within minutes he had Bella's chart in front of him. I read them over his shoulder and my stomach turned with pity and sadness.

Of course we didn't know the full story but it was etched out on the sheets in front of us. Xray after xray of badly knitted bones from age old breaks. Scans that showed internal bleeding and multiple nerve damage. Signs of fluid on her lungs, pneumonia, mal nutrition and – my eyes alighted across the ugly words of her internal exam. I would have liked to have spoken to the surgeon who had worked on her but I knew that wouldn't be possible. I pushed down my anger and swallowed whatever it was I was feeling. Was it loss? It was clear from the charts Bella may not survive the night.

I hadn't even met the girl from the window but I felt a need for her, I had done for years now. I couldn't place the emotion. How the fuck did I warrant this pull and protective cave man urge in me with just one look ten years ago.

"Fucking hell," I whispered, "How the fuck is she still alive?"

"Sheer will," Carlisle said carefully closing the file, "Jasper's reaction confirmed what I had feared," he sighed and closed his eyes for a second, "Emmett is going to need a lot of support."

I nodded. Yes he would.

ICU was winding down for the night. The flurry of doctors and nurses grew less and lights began to dim at bedsides as visitors were urged to leave for the night. The reception area was separate from the ward so patients were not bothered by waiting relatives and this is where we found Emmett and Rosalie, huddled together with ashen faces. I saw two untouched cups of coffee in front of them and a packet of chips that had yet to be opened.

Carlisle stopped at the nurses station as I continued towards them.

"Em," I said quietly, "how's she doing?"

The pair looked up at me.

"They induced a coma," Rosalie said finally, "To help the healing or something."

I nodded knowingly and I sat down beside Emmett, "And how are you doing?" I wasn't sure how much he knew. I wanted to know what the doctors had told him of the ordeal his little sister had survived.

"- fuck," Emmett squeezed shut his eyes and I saw the old Emmett. Angry, rage filled Emmett that scared the shit out of me, "you know – fucking worried. Is she going to die? I'd rather just know if she is and don't give me none of your doctor shit, Eddie. I'm asking you as a friend, is she going to die?"

He searched my face for answers and I tried not to give anything away in my expression, "She's weak," I spoke quietly and adopted the tone I often used to relatives of deceased or soon to be deceased patients, "If she can get through the night her chances are high. The risk of permanent damage to her body is likely though, Em."

"Brain damage?" he gasped.

"No," I answered, "To her leg, ribs and lungs. And -," I hesitated a little not sure if Emmett could handle what I was about to tell him, "there was substantial damage to her abdomen. It was irreparable."

"See? What the fuck does that mean? Cut the bullshit and spell it out," Emmett growled.

"It means Bella won't be able to have children," Rosalie said quietly.

I nodded, "They had to perform a hysterectomy." Rosalie met my eye and she knew what I meant. Bella had been raped repeatedly and viciously for that to have happened. They had had to stitch her perineum and vulvar. I shuddered, "I'm sorry, Em. I'm really fucking sorry."

"Is that her blood?" Emmett's head snapped up and his question caught me off guard.

I looked down at my scrubs. No that wasn't her blood. It was the blood of her captor. No good would come of me telling him that though. I knew Emmett and knew that morsel of information would tip him over the edge. Instead I shook my head and asked them if they would like a coffee.

We all had a coffee in near silence. I could feel my body protesting to the caffeine but I needed to keep going. Emmett needed me and I knew if Carlisle sent me home I would just stay up with Jazz talking with him instead. They had put Bella in a side room for the time being and a little past three am Emmett and Rosalie were allowed to go and see her. They were in there twenty minutes before Emmett staggered out, his eyes wild and his mouth set into a thin, angry line. Rosalie followed him and I could see she had been crying.

"Son," Carlisle rose from his chair and I watched him embrace Emmett careful, "Esme is home, you need a shower and a change of clothes and most importantly some rest. I will drive you. Edward can stay here and call us if there is any change good or bad."

"No," Emmett shook his head, "No I can't leave her now. Not when I just found her."

"Carlisle's right, Emmett," Rosalie urged, "We should rest. What if Bella wakes up and she's greeted with us in this state, huh?"

"What if she wakes up and we aren't there at all?"

"She is heavily sedated. I don't think she will be waking up for a little while," Carlisle rubbed his shoulder and slowly started to lead them towards the exit.

"Call me," Emmett demanded at me, "Anything happens and you fucking call me, okay?"

"I promise," I nodded.

"And sit with her, she shouldn't be all alone," he growled.

"Okay," I promised, "Get some sleep." I hugged Rosalie goodbye and then Emmett.

Once they had left I got myself another cup of coffee and spoke with the nurses before going in to see Bella. Ordinarily I would not be allowed to stay but I know the ward sister and she waved me through with a sad smile. It was just like any other hospital room. White, stark and impersonal. The only attempt at any soft furnishings was a crooked watercolour on the wall that frankly I could have done ten times better and I hadn't held a paintbrush since seventh grade. I quickly and quietly straightened the picture and then – I took a deep breath and turned my attention to the silent bed.

Just because I was a doctor didn't make my shock at seeing such a sick girl any less. I've always felt that when you have stopped caring as a person you were screwed as a doctor. You have to go that extra mile for a patient and if you have no sympathy and no compassion then what the fuck were you doing in the job anyway? I had seen colleagues become desensitized. They'd joke about death, they would see their patients as numbers rather than people. I had no idea how they had gotten to that place but I knew I never wanted to stop feeling something for the sick, the beaten, the needy. I wanted to make people better so they could smile and laugh again.

The job was made doubly hard when fuckers like James roamed the planet. I felt my anger form and I scrunched my eyes shut. I had dealt with my anger a long time ago. Sometimes it was hard to contain, others times it was easy. This was a hard time.

Looking down at where a woman should be all I saw was a black and blue bloody mess. All I could make out of the Bella I had seen so many years ago was her hair even that had lost most of its life. I had never seen just violence on someone's skin. The swelling pushed and pinched her features into disfigurement and her skin was shiny where the skin was hot and fighting fever. Tubes ran out from under her nose and mouth and she was hooked up to a heart monitor as well as a drip.

What I could notice was she was painfully thin. Carefully I lifted the chart from its casing on the wall and read her vitals again. Low blood pressure. Well that was to be expected. I checked her blood work too. Narcotics. I took a seat beside the bed and I tried to see past the bruises up her forearms. Sure enough there were track marks there. She was an addict. Was she?

I scratched my chin and then I ran my hands up into my hair and pulled slightly. Why would a seemingly teenage girl leave a safe, loving environment with her family? Emmett had always given the impression their home was a happy one. I saw no signs that suggested otherwise. Had she been bullied at school? A boyfriend perhaps? I didn't understand. But if she had been using drugs it was going to hinder her recovery unless – I flipped the pages over and read down the list of meds they were giving her. Methodone. I nodded, glad that her doctors had not missed anything.

Carefully I reached forward and pushed a trendil of sticky hair from her blackened forehead, "What did they do to you, Bella?" I whispered a lump forming at the back of my throat, "Where did you go? Why did you? "


	5. chapter 5

Hi, I've toyed with the idea of doing a Bella POV with her in a coma but I'm not all that confident I can do it justice so we're going to have to wait to hear Bella's side of the story until she wakes up.

Edward's POV

The steaming hot jets of the shower poured over my body and revived my tired muscles. I stood under the water and let it wash away the nights stresses and strains. Fuck, it felt good to be home. I knew I wouldn't be here long, I wanted to check on Jasper and then I was on shift again at six but it felt good to be out of the hospital for a while. I had vetoed Carlisle's suggestion to take a few days off. I wanted to be at work where I would be close to Bella and – I wanted to be of some help even if it was helping other patients I couldn't just sit and wait, I had to do something, anything to keep my mind off the last twelve hours.

As I washed my body, scrubbing away the grime I thought of James. Resuscitating him. Giving him back a life he didn't fucking deserve. Fuck, I hissed. In the back of mind I knew he was going away for a very long time and me bringing him back from death was a good thing. There was no justice in death. I wasn't a religious man but the afterlife, if there was one would hold no punishment for James. He needed to stand up before a judge and see his life turn to shit in a high security prison. That was where he was headed but – I sighed and started to lather shampoo into my hair. I had helped him. I had stopped his pain. That bastard deserved to suffer. He deserved a million times of what Jasper had given him.

Cruelly I turned the faucet of the shower over and ice cold water blasted my newly clean body. It stung but I revelled in it, standing until I was more alert. Turning it off altogether I stepped out and reached for a towel.

Last night had been quiet and sort of peaceful. I had managed to snatch a few hours sleep in the chair beside Bella's bed. I'd fetched a book from my locker and I'd sat and read to her. And then around five thirty it started. It isn't uncommon for a sedated patient to regain a semi state of consciousness but what I saw last night was bizarre. It had started as whimpering. Her awkward looking eyebrows had knotted together and her lips moved as she moaned in her sleep. I leaned forward, watching for signs of discomfort. She had been doing so well. I didn't want her to fuck up her heart rhythm and breathing.

"Mom-," she choked out between moans of pain. I've heard a lot of moaning and groaning, it comes with the job but this was different, I'd never heard such agony, "- Mom – I want my mom," I knew she couldn't open her eyes as they were swollen shut with bruises, but was she awake or was she dreaming? "Mom- Emmm." The beeping of the heart monitor remained stable. This was just fucking weird. It sounded like the voice didn't belong to her body.

"Shhhhh, love," I whispered wanting to soothe. If she was sedated then that meant I couldn't wake her up from her nightmare, "Stay calm now," I crept closer as she started to cry. I could see tears slick down past her stitches, fuck the salt in her tears must sting. She hissed and then started to cough.

"Emm?" she moved her hand. My eyebrows shot up. What the fuck?

"Bella, I'm doctor Cullen," I decided to tell her, "Do you know where you are?"

"Mom," she repeated. Shit. My heart broke in two. Her Mother was dead. I swear if she didn't need me right now I would have fled that room. It felt too eerie. I wanted to run and hide from the pain II knew the next few months would bring, "plea-se no. No-," the dream had turned, I could see it in her face as it twitched and her lips curled, "- uugghh no, I – I – need-."

"Bella," I soothed and this time I brushed my fingertips over hers. They were black with bruises but I knew it was beneath the nails, it wouldn't hurt her, "Shhhhh, Bella," I murmured getting braver and taking her hand in mine, "you are safe now, love. We will keep you safe."

She sighed. My eyes widened as her face completely changed. She went still and her thumb made slow circles in the palm of my hand, "That's good," I praised her, "Shhh, sleep."

I made a move to leave but another whimper left her lips and her hand tightened ever so tightly on mine. She wanted me there. She wanted my comfort, "I'll stay, Bella," I promised her, "I'll stay."

It was such an odd exchange. My history in medicine told me it was nothing but I felt a sort of electricity, that pull I was talking about, a need to stay with her and help her get better. I had stayed until Emmett and Carlisle arrived. As my fingers left her hand she gave a louder whimper at which Emmett rushed forward to comfort and that was how it should be. She needed her big brother, not some stranger with her.

I dressed casually and grabbed a slice of toast before heading out to Mom and Dad's. I knew Esme would cook me something more substantial when I got there. No matter how much I protested she insisted every time.

"Hello?" I snatched up my ringing phone without looking at the caller I.D.

"Edward? It's Bella, I think you should come to the hospital," My dad's breathy tones told me. The connection crackled and I could hear Emmett in the background saying something.

"What's happened?" I grabbed up my keys and ran out to the car.

"She's awake and she's upset up -," he hesitated. Carlisle was never stuck for words.

"What, Dad?"

"She's asking for you," he said plainly.

She was asking for me? How was that even possible?

I drove to the hospital or rather I sped to the hospital thankful for the light traffic and I hurtled through the corridors towards ICU. I skidded to a halt when I saw Rosalie and Carlisle in the reception area. Carlisle was comforting Rosalie as she cried into her hands. Rosalie never cried. Like ever.

"What happened? What's wrong? Rose?" I knelt down in front of her and pulled her hands away from her tear stained face, "Oh Rosalie," I sighed.

"Sh- she looks so little," Rosalie choked out, "and Emmett – he's not doing so good as you can imagine. I don't know what to do to help him."

"You are helping him just by being here," Carlisle rubbed her back and arched an eyebrow at me. I knew what he was thinking, I was wondering the same thing, "Emmett is a passionate man, just give him time and he will come around."

"What did he do?" I narrowed my eyes.

"He pinned the surgeon up against the wall and he won't let anyone near Bella," Rosalie sighed out a rush, "She's awake but she's terrified of anyone going near her and when the surgeon came doing his rounds- I've never heard a scream like it – it was -."

"Blood curdling," Carlisle finished for her.

"Yes, thank you, blood curdling. Emmett went ballistic," Rosalie sniffed and I produced a handkerchief from my pocket for her, "You carry around handkerchiefs? What? Are you from the 1920's?"

I chuckled and straightened up.

"Emmett will listen to you, Edward," Rosalie said quietly.

Okay. I shook out my hands, okay, "Okay," I told her smiling kindly. I could do this, I'd gone up against Emmett before, I could do it again. I turned to go into Bella's room but then I turned back towards them again, "She was really asking for me?"

"She said Cullen," Rosalie nodded, "Clear as day."

"Rigghhttt," I nodded slowly.

The room was much the same as I left it only with the new addition of Emmett and a fearful looking surgeon. I quickly glanced at Bella and I could see her convulsing slightly and she had burst the stitches on her face which meant blood was soaking in the sheets rapidly.

"Edward! Thank fuck you're here," Emmett bellowed making Bella whimper some more, "Shit, sorry Bells," he winced and I saw the pain in his eyes at hurting his sister, "Tell this douche we want a female doctor."

"There are none on shift," the surgeon outstretched his hand to me, "Edward, it's a pleasure to meet you again."

"You know this prick?" Emmett demanded.

"Yes," I smirked at Emmett's language but quickly wiped it off of my face, "I work in this hospital remember. Em, what are you doing huh? Bella needs medical attention."

"Dude, you should have heard her when he touched her, that is not happening on my watch," he argued.

"What happened?" I asked calmly and I moved around the bed and absently laid a hand on top of Bella's. I felt the heat radiate between us and her cantering slowed ever so slightly.

"I needed to exam Miss Swans stitches to check for any signs of infection," the doctor explained, "all I did was lift the sheet and Miss Swan became distressed."

"Distressed?" Emmett spat, "she started fucking screeching, you were hurting her."

I sighed and leant down brushing Bella's hair from the burst stitches, "It's okay, love, try to stay calm, no one is going to hurt you, not here," I turned back to them both, "If you cannot keep your voice down I am going to have to call security to have you removed, Emmett, you don't want that do you?"

"Wait -," Emmett looked at what I was doing, "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" I asked him glad he had listened to me and lowered his voice.

"That," he nodded to where I had my hand in hers, "I tried to hold her hand and she freaked the fuck out too. And -," he shook his head and I could see him telling himself to stay quiet.

"May I try again?" the doctor stepped forward. I looked to Emmett and he nodded his jaw tense but biting down his protective brother side.

"Bella, the doctor is going to take a look at your stitches, there is nothing to worry about, I promise," I tried to assure her.

"No- oo," she started to cry again and turning her head towards me, "Noo ugghh," she moaned, "noo plea- ease" she started to shake and I shook my head at the doctor. This wasn't going to work.

"It's okay, shhhh," I soothed, "easy, love," I glanced down and I could see more blood seeping from her hips. I guessed what stitches she had burst this time and sighed. If she wouldn't let anyone near her – fuck -," I met Emmett's eyes.

"We need to sedate her again, Edward," the doctor told me, "This will not do."

I passed a hand through my hair. Sedation was more damaging to her mentally, I knew if were sedated she was trapped in her nightmares. When she got better her trust would be completely shattered and –

"Can we step out of the room for a second?" I asked them both. They nodded and I assured Bella I would back in a short while.

Almost as soon as I shut the door Emmett started. I knew he'd seen the blood. How the fuck did I go about this without him smashing the place up?

"Edward," Carlisle came into view and I heaved a sigh of relief, "Shall I take Emmett and Rosalie for a cup of coffee? You will stay with Bella?"

"Yes," I nodded. Fuck yes, please, "I'll stay and I'll call you if we need you Em?"

"And no one touches her but you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Scouts honour," I promised.

They walked away and I turned back to the surgeon.

"Miss Swan needs to be stitched up again and examined," he stated, "I will sedate her if that means it gets done."

"Come on, Aaron," I sighed, "sedation is the last thing she needs. What about a nurse?"

"We tried a nurse but to no avail."

"She will hate being sedated; I've seen studies with abused women if you take away their control-,"

"Then you do it," he interrupted quietly, "She has no problem with you touching her."

I tilted my head.

"Dr. Cullen," Aaron nudged me with his elbow, "the infamous bed side manner strikes again."

"How do you mean?" I frowned.

"You are so much like your father, have you ever thought about a career in surgery?"

I laughed and shook my head, "Okay okay, get me a nurse and I'll scrub up. This is so fucking beyond unethical," I muttered.

"Needs must," he clicked his tongue.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and stepped into a pair of green scrubs. I washed up my arms and hands and headed back to Bella's room. I was nervous. I wasn't sure if I should be doing this. I had too much of a vested interest, too much of a connection and rather selfishly I didn't want to jeopardise that by upsetting her. But sedation? No fucking way, not after what I saw last night.

I stepped into the room and a nurse was already there prepared with fresh sheets and a tray of instruments I would need to clean her up and re-stitch her. I nodded my thanks and took a seat beside Bella. She seemed to sense I was there and turned her head in my direction.

"Hey, love. How are you feeling? Do you feel calmer?"

"Yes," she rasped quietly.

"Good girl. I'm going to clean you up a bit now. Is that okay?" she whispered another yes and I carefully soothed light circles into her rigid shoulders, "Relax. I promise to be gentle and you just say the word and I will stop, okay?"

"Okay," a silent tear slid down her cheek. My heart ached for her. Poor little thing.

"Okay then, I'm going to lift the sheet, love, you just tell me if you need me to stop and I promise I will," I nodded to the nurse and we removed one half of the sheet from her body. The nurse sucked in her breath when she saw her body. I tried not to let my anguish show. I tried not to let it shock me but fuck – my hand tightened into a fist – fuck. I could see deep welts across her breasts and hand prints the colour of bruised purple down her ribs that poked out straining against the flesh at impossible angles. Dents lay on the skin where she hadn't healed right – I swallowed, suddenly nauseous. What sick fuck could do this to another human being?

Shaking my head I cleared any thoughts away and set to work. I lifted Bella's leg so carefully and so lightly. I didn't want to upset her, I wanted her to feel safe and looked after. I heard her gasp and start to cry harder.

"Are we all okay up there?" I tried to keep my voice light.

"Y-ye-es," she cringed back.

"You're doing amazingly, love," I reassured her even though I hadn't even started yet, "Could you part your legs for me just a little way?" she sniffed and pushed out a rush of air. She was starting to shake again so I went against my better judgement, I rested my hand on her swollen ankle and stroked up and down ever so lightly, "Calm, Bella. Nice and slow. I won't hurt you."

Gently she began to move her leg that wasn't in a cast. I nodded again to the nurse and we replaced the bloody sheet with a clean one so quickly I didn't think Bella even noticed. We rearranged it so I could bend around her legs and numb the area before stitching. I tried to think of it as any other part of a person. Usually if I was attending to anything gynaecological I would have the lady on the edge of the bed with her legs in stirrups but this would not work with Bella. Could you imagine it? I tried my hardest to stay detached, impartial but it was so hard. I worked quietly talking to Bella the whole time. A few times she asked me to stop and I did and I asked her if I could resume after a few moments. I tidied up the area and cleaned away the blood with the upmost care. I ignored the tearing. I tried not the notice the deep scars that ran up and down her inner thighs and up and down her lips and – I hid a shudder as I noticed some disappeared dangerously close to her anus.

"There we are," I said quietly, moving her leg back flush with the bed and carefully settling the sheet around her again, "That's the worst part over with, now I need to stitch your head, would that be okay?"

"Ye-ss," she answered again.

"You're doing great, love," I told her again, "just this one last part and then you can sleep."

"wil-ill you st- stay?" she asked me.

"Of course, until you fall asleep. Emmett would like to sit with you I'm sure. You don't mind Emmett?"

She didn't respond.

"Do you remember Emmett?" I asked her.

"Yes," she whispered. I sensed her hesitation.

"He's my best friend," I told her conversationally, "I love him a lot. He would never ever hurt you, you have my word."

She remained silent but I know she heard me. I was holding on by a thread. I needed out of here and I prayed she went to sleep easily and quickly.

"There we are," I pulled away and inspected my handy work, "Bella?"

She was asleep.

"We still have to change the under sheet, Doctor," the nurse told me. I nodded I knew we did, "We can do it without waking her," she whispered. I could see tears in her eyes. She was only young, bless her.

"You can?" I asked.

"Yes, here let me show you," I watched in awe as she prepared the clean sheet and pulled the dirty sheet taut and shifted it from underneath Bella. She needed my help to get the clean one underneath. Once it was she flicked her wrists and pulled. She did it again. The sheet moved but Bella did not. She held the corners out and tucked the excess underneath the mattress.

"Well fuck," I nodded, extremely impressed, "They didn't teach me that at medical school."

"Good thing I went to nursing school then, Dr. Cullen," she smiled through her tears.

"She's going to be okay, you know?" I told her as I helped clear away the instruments.

"No she won't," the nurse said softly.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, ushering her out of the room. She nodded and left my side, presumable going in search of the staff room or washroom to cry it out. I sighed deeply and snapped off my gloves, throwing them in the waste. That was tough. Really fucking tough. I think it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do as a doctor.

I needed some time alone. I was a loner and when I couldn't kick back and relax on my own I ended up resenting those who tried to spend time with me. I checked my watched. It was eleven thirty but I knew I couldn't go and hide myself away somewhere and try to process the last day. There was Emmett to consider and Rosalie and I knew Jasper needed a buddy right now.

I took a few moments in the quiet corridor of ICU. I leant against the wall and tilted my head back, closing my eyes. What was it about me that reassured Bella so much? Not even her own brother could console her so why me? Was it because I made some kind of connection with her last night? It was probably that. I wondered how she would react if Jasper was to visit her? I pushed off the wall and decided Emmett was in good hands with Carlisle, I needed to talk to Jazz and find out what happened. He had mentioned a drugs den yesterday. Had Bella been there to score drugs and something had gone wrong? I needed to know why she had so many old injuries. I needed to know it all in order to help her and Emmett. I hoped Jazz could fill in some of the gaps.


	6. Chapter 6

Edwards POV

My parents lived in a house just outside of Forks. They had moved about a year before I had gone to medical school in New York. It was larger than our last house and had the best view of the forest that laid out before it, like a blanket of trees, wrapping around the house and keeping us all safe and secure. I loved my room the best, high up in the house. Two of the walls were made completely from glass and it was big enough to house a large king sized bed and my grand piano. Esme had kept my room just as I had left it when I moved out and I was always welcome. I often stayed there after a hard day at the hospital. I loved my house across town but I loved my folks house even more.

Esme was a trained architect but in the past few years she had turned her hand to interior design and man was she good at it! She remodelled my house for me and every time I stepped through the door it felt like home, like she had left a part of herself there for me in the furnishes and colour of the walls.

I adored my parents. I always had. Sure I had a rough few years as a teenager which I am sure had given them sleepless nights but I had come out of the other side pretty much unscathed. Carlisle was my confidante. I turned to him if I needed anything. Esme was my rock though. She took care of me even now and I in turn tried to return all the love she poured over me. I had missed them so much when I had been living in New York and that played a pivotal part in my coming back to live in Forks once I was qualified. We were a family and families stick together through thick and thin.

It would seem now our family was growing. First Emmett, then Rosalie and now Bella. I smiled at the thought of us all sat in Esmes impressive kitchen sharing jokes and laughter. Some day, I told myself. It would happen some day I was sure of it.

"Mom!" I called as I walked through the door and removed my heavy jacket. I was surprized she hadn't heard my car up the gravel driveway. She usually heard the throaty roar of the engine and wait on the porch for me with open arms.

"In here!" Esme's voice carried. I had no idea where in here was but I presumed it was the kitchen. It's where she usually spent her time either flitting around the kitchen or sat at the island tapping away at her laptop or scribbling down fabric ideas and designs.

Sure enough she was in the kitchen. She was sat holding a coffee mug to her lips and looking over some furniture catalogues. I knew instantly she had been crying. Her eyes were red rimmed and her bottom lip was slightly swollen, her lip always swelled when she was upset.

"Mom," I moved across to her and hugged her shoulders from behind, "I love you," I told her suddenly.

"I love you too," she sighed and rested her head back on my chest, "How are you? How is Bella?" Her voice caught. Esme always felt everyone else's pain. She seemed to embrace it rather than push it away though which was a good thing. It showed how strong she was, how in touch with human nature she was.

"She's doing okay considering," I said choosing my words carefully, "How are you?"

"Answer me first," she pulled out the stool beside her and I sank into it letting exhaustion wash over me. I didn't have to hide with Esme. I didn't even have to be strong. It was kind of futile any way, she saw right through me.

"Tired," I answered her truthfully, "Worried and so fucking angry."

"Dollar for the swear box," she said softly. I shrugged and smirked across at her, "dad tells me you have done swimmingly."

"Chuh," I puffed out the air in my lungs and shook my head.

"Jasper is in your room. I said he could raid your bookshelf," she stood and fetched me a mug of coffee from the side, "he was very shaken."

"I know," I sighed again.

"He had nightmares last night. I thought his cries were going to shake the house down."

I quirked an eyebrow. Nightmares? Jazz the bad ass cop was having nightmares?

"I think he needs a friend to talk to," Esme was silently asking me to talk to him. I was going to any way but that was more to get some kind of information out of him.

"Thanks," I accepted the coffee and kissed her on the cheek as I rose to head on up to my room.

"No thank you," Esme said quietly.

Upstairs I grabbed some tynol from my father's office and headed up the second flight of stairs to me room. I could hear music playing and smiled as I heard Creed playing softly from behind my door. Who the fuck listened to Creed softly?

"Hey jazz," I pushed the door open and wandered inside. Jasper was lying on my bed, his hands threaded behind his head listening to the music and staring up at the ceiling. His legs were crossed at the ankles and he looked relaxed. He looked almost peaceful if it weren't for the dark circles under his eyes, "Do you want to take a walk?"

I decided it was best to get outside, Jasper wasn't much of an indoorsy homey person and I thought he'd find it easier to talk if I weren't looking at him the whole time.

"Sure, doc," Jasper chuckled and followed me downstairs. I quickly grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. Fuck it, it was past noon now – and we headed down to the small stream that was at the bottom of our yard. We walked in silence and finally found a spot in the sun. I stretched out on the warm grass and lifted my face to the sun. Jasper stayed sitting up and crossed his legs, pulling up blades of grass and winding them around his fingers. I had never seen Jasper fidget so fucking much and it was unnerving.

"Dude, you know I shouldn't be talking to you about this right?" he said suddenly taking a lug of his beer. I smiled at the fact he had picked up on that I wanted to know. Typical Jazz, intuitive and shit. I guess that's what made him a good cop.

"Esme said she heard you having nightmares last night," I ignored his question.

He lifted his head and stared at me, "she told you that?"

"Mhm," I nodded.

"Your Mom's a diamond, Ed," he sighed, "Seriously I was losing it and she came and took it all away."

I smiled and nodded. I didn't need to know what Mom had done for him, I wanted to know what he had been dreaming about, I wanted to know if he was okay and then I wanted to know what I could do to help both him and Bella.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to hear this, man?" He sighed, "I can go talk to the department shrink once I've been debriefed."

"Don't worry about me," I said slowly, chinking my bottle against his.

"I don't know – where to start," he sighed, "I guess -," he paused again and sighed one more time, picking at the label of his beer, "I guess – James," he shook his head, "I'm sorry it's hard for me to -."

"Just take your time, Jazz," I said softly.

"Do you know why I became a cop?" He didn't wait for me to answer, "My childhood was less than perfect. My dad drank and I don't mean the odd beer here and there, he _drank._ And he was violent. My mother always got the worst of it but as I got older I – he would beat the shit out of me too. I've done all the therapy shit that goes with having an abusive childhood, I know he did it to feel powerful when all that he felt was small. I know all that shit and seeing him like that, watching him hit my Mom, well shit -," he cleared his throat, "It gives a guy a sense of right and wrong, you know?"

"Shit, I'm sorry, man," I murmured, "I didn't know."

"Being a kid and seeing all that it changes you. Maybe I was different from the beginning but I sensed emotions more. I could tell the atmosphere of a room before I walked into it, violence makes you wary, anger even more so. I would get home from school and before I even walked through the door I knew if there was danger inside or not. A-and one day – I knew I just fucking knew something bad had happened before I even stepped off the bus. I ran the rest of the way home. And – I what I fucking found was -," he drew in a deep breath and shook his head, "My dad was sat at the kitchen table drunk off his ass watching one of his loser scum bar friends raping my mother."

My eyes widened. What the fuck?

"And then do you know what he did? He fucking beat the hell out of her for going with another man," Jasper lifted his eyes and looked at me. All I saw was sadness. There was no anger. He looked like his heart was shattering, "that's why I bugged out at the hospital. Seeing James raping Bella – it brought back that day with my Mom. He – he didn't reach for his gun, Edward. I shot him where he stood. I saw red – I really fucking -," his chest started to heave and I could see he was having trouble breathing again.

"Hey," I leant forward and put my arm around his shoulders, "take it easy. Breathe slowly."

"You can't even imagine what that house was like, man. I've worked vice for years now and I've raided a lot of dens but this one was vile," he shuddered, "That poor girl, that poor poor girl."

"Tell me about it," I asked him, "was she there to score?"

Jasper frowned at me, "Edward," he shook his head. I was confused, what did he mean? "they had her all this time. She wasn't living on the streets, nor was she a willing junky, they fed that that shit against her will."

I waited for him to continue. I wasn't sure if he would or not but I waited.

"I've only been working on the case for a few months. James was pretty small fry, we're after his dealer, the next rung up the drug ladder," Jaspers voice became more sure of itself as he spoke about his job. He was confident in the law, it was very clear he loved his job very much, "I was using James to get to him. We suspected they were bringing in drugs from Los Angeles and Mexico we just needed to know when and where. James was stupid and too trusting. He wasn't paranoid like a lot of dealers and practically invited me into his life without any suspicion. I started to get to know the guys in his ring. Some were strung out, others – they liked their cocaine best and beer and women, lots and lots of women. It wasn't uncommon for James to call me up and invite me over. He did it a lot when he needed company, he seemed to feel guilty about something and I began to notice his knuckles were constantly bruised and he used to sweat a lot when he was nervous. I knew he was pimping girls out, they didn't know me but I recognised a few from the streets- anyway I'm going off subject," he sighed and looked at me as he took a slug of beer, "one night James was out of his mind on coke and beer. He was all over the place and I got him back to his place, just us two and that's when he told me he was in love with an amazing girl and he wanted to leave all this shit behind and start a new life in Cancun," Jasper laughed bitterly. Cancun? Of all the fucking places in the world, is that the best he could come up with? "the fucking moron didn't know what the fuck he was saying or who he was talking to and I took full advantage. I asked him about the girl. He said she was sweet and funny and obedient. That was weird, 'obedient' but I knew he was fucked up– then he told me she had been sixteen when they met and he's saved her from her parents who were dead beats. The fucking guy was deluded. He didn't know what the fuck he was saying because in the next sentence he asked me if I wanted to fuck her."

I hissed at this connecting the dots.

"I told him sure and he started to laugh and tell me she got off on pain so there was no need to be gentle with her and he would reward me if I could make her scream. Apparently, according to Alec she never screamed and it infuriated the hell out of James. He told me he had her locked in a room he used to deal from and Dimitri and Alec were there now watching whilst she took care of the 'clients'," I swallowed as I started to feel sick. I put my beer down and took out a fresh pack of cigarettes from my pocket, "they were keeping her locked up, feeding her drugs, beating, raping, torturing her and all I could do was fucking sit in that cunts place and listen to him laugh and joke about it. That was the night I called you up at three am, do you remember?"

I did. I remember cursing him for waking me up. And then I remembered how odd our conversation had been and how rattled he had sounded.

I shut my eyes. What the fuck, I needed to stay calm. I had to. This was bad. Far worse than anything I had envisaged.

"Bella wasn't the first girl they did this too. James seemed to swell with pride that Bella had 'held out so long'," Jasper grunted, "I couldn't let that poor girl suffer anymore. When I saw her – shit, I thought she was going to die in my arms," Jasper swallowed, "she was so cold and so thin. I really fucking thought I was too late for her."

"You weren't," I said through gritted teeth, "you made her safe, Jazz, you did good."

"How's she doing? Fuck, I can't believe I didn't ask that yet."

"She's doing great, Jazz. Awake and talking – would you like to come with me to see her?"

"Seriously?" Jasper tilted his head, "Will Emmett let me, Carlisle told us how he freaked this morning."

"Emmett's always freaking about something," I chuckled lightly, once again pushing the rage I felt from our conversation to the back of my head, I would deal with it later, "I think you need to see her and I think she needs to see you too." I smiled easily.

"Do you think she'll remember me?"

"Who knows, bro," I patted him on the back, "have you eaten today?" he shook his head, "I don't know about you but I'm fucking starving," I grinned, jostling him upright and deciding not to notice him wiping his eyes and passing a nervous hand under his nose. Jasper would be just fine, he was a tough one and all this shit will only make him into a better cop.

I wasn't hungry but I knew Jazz had to eat. He looked pale and strained, he needed taking care of today and he needed to see Bella.

"Thanks Edward," he said quietly.

"Don't mention it" I smiled.

"No, seriously, thanks. I owe you one."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi, **

**Okay this is the usual jargon, I don't own twilight and all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I've decided to delve into Bella territory. I hope this works and it isn't too confusing. **

**Read and review and let me know what you think. I'm dying to know if it's too dark? or too prosiac? Is it too predictable? What do you think of Jasper being a cop? hall I introduce Alice into the story? I find Emmett and Rose the hardest to write about. Emmett has so many contrasting attributes, big cuddly teddy bear with a temper? I really want Bella and Edwards POV's to be different in tone and rythm, has that worked so far? Let me know I'll reply as soon as I can **

**As always thank you so so so sooo much for reading.**

**Bella's POV**

Harsh words startled me awake. Harsh, angry words that ripped. I tried to open my eyes but – no – no they'd hurt them. Everything hurt. Everything stung. It burned. My hand, my hand was burning. I opened my mouth – burning, like I was breathing fire and – how was I supposed to know if they were coming for me if I couldn't see them. Panic rose. It choked me and I started to cry.

Don't scream. Screaming makes it worse. Don't scream.

"Scream for me," a sick sadistic voice whispered into my ear.

No I wouldn't scream.

"Shit Bells, sorry," a clearer voice said. One I hadn't heard before and then – more – there was always more, "Tell this douche we want a female doctor."

Doctor? The sick whispering in my ear continued but – Doctor. Female? No. No they had another girl, not that wasn't how it is, that wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"Distressed?" the same voice spat. I frowned and my face erupted into fire too, "She started fucking screeching, you were hurting her."

I was dreaming. It was a nightmare. Something cracked beside my head and cowered back. Do not scream.

And then calm. Whispering but it held no malice. A wave of soft calm washed over and a jolt of electrify, good electricity that pulled me back and away from the dark. I had heard it before. Felt it. Not so long ago. I tried to place it but I knew it was fake. I was still there, my mind – it played tricks. They lurked. The shadows grew and they would get me in the end. They always did.

"No one is going to hurt you. Not here," the angel spoke. He spoke. He. I would have cried out if I didn't feel so paralysed by his melodic voice. He.

Everything hurt. Where was I? Was this what death felt like? A torment. A challenge. Angels and then demons vying for my soul? The shadows they were coming – I breathed. I took one breath and then another.

"Bella, the doctor is going to take a look at your stitches, he won't hurt you, I promise," he spoke. Like liquid calm pouring all over me. But still – no – no I couldn't reach him. Who was looking? What were they going to do to me. No.

"Easy, love," love. Love?

He cared for me. He tended to me. He held my life in his hands so lightly and – I sensed pain. I wanted it to end. I wanted the angel to curl me up to him and take me away from it all. I wanted me to end and him to begin.

I wanted –

Awake again. Alone. But it was light. No more darkness, no more shadows. I croaked out a groan, safe in the knowledge I was alone. There was no pain so I must be alone. Company meant pain, it meant torture and noise but no screaming. Don't scream.

I moaned again towards the heat that prickled like needles everywhere. And I opened my eyes.

I wasn't alone.

"No-," I tried to move but called out in pain. What were they going to do now? Where had they taken me, it was too light. After all the dark it blinded me.

"Bella," No, I tried to edge away, I didn't care how much it hurt, I needed to get away from him. Him, "Shit, Rose?"

The man was sitting. He was huge. Big – he – I stared at him from the tiny slits I was able to force my eyes up into. I cried out in pain now. Don't scream – please don't scream.

"Bella, you are safe, honey," the man said. He was joking, playing with me. James had taken somewhere new. A new level of – hurt. Ugh, it hurt. He stood. I stiffened. No –, "Bella, don't you remember me?"

_"Emmett would like to sit with you I'm sure. You don't mind Emmett? Do you remember Emmett?" the angel stroked my face and hair, he made me feel new._

_"Yes," I whispered. I remembered my brother_

_"He's my best friend, I love him a lot. He would never ever hurt you, you have my word."_

"Emm-emmett?" I peered at him. He was blurry. He was huge. I shrank back a little but no Emmett was his best friend. He loved him a lot.

"Oh Bells," the man's voice cracked and I felt the bed shift. I was in a bed? I was in a bed, "I have missed you so much."

"Em," I said and I tried to move my hand for him, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I was stuck. I was trapped.

"Do you know where you are, Bella?" a female voice asked. They had another girl! No! That wasn't how it was supposed to be! I gulped for air. Another girl. More blood. More tears. It shouldn't happen like that, it wasn't fair, "Hey now, calm down," she said, "You're in the hospital. Do you remember?"

I was in a hospital? James was here. I knew he was. He was here and I had to – I looked at Emmett. He was my brother. Brothers didn't do this. This wasn't right.

"The police found you and brought you here," the woman told me, "Try to breathe, would you like some water?"

I didn't know. Did they want me to want some water? I groaned. I had to make a choice. I groaned again.

"Here," something was put in my mouth. I flinched away. No. No. The room started to vibrate and the light was too much. They put it in my mouth, they made me – I gulped and coughed remembering sick, sickly fluid in my mouth, rolling down my throat and down my chin. No.

"NO!" I pushed off the bed. No.

"Bella," Emmett sighed, "Oh Bella."

He was mad at me. He – I shook my head from side to side. This wasn't heaven. This wasn't death.

"Edward!" the woman called. I heard clattering and banging. It was coming. I knew it was. Pain. Hurt. Don't scream, do not scream.

"Bella," a voice cut through the buzzing in my ears. I opened my eyes again. It was him. I went still. I waited for him to speak again. I wished I could see him, "shhhh, take some nice slow breaths. That's it, just like that."

I felt him. He touched my hand but I felt it everywhere. It was nice. It was warm and soft. It – I opened my mouth to speak but a mangled croak came out.

"Would you like some water?" he spoke again and he was clearer. He was nearer to me. I turned my head to try to see him. A blurred figure. Pale, almost white and a flash of amber hair. I had seen that colour before. I searched my mind but the memory was lost. I was lost. I whimpered again. I was lost. I wanted to go home. I wanted my brother. I wanted my Mom and Dad. I wanted –

"Shhhhh nice and calm, remember?" he said again, "I'm going to put a straw to your lips, love. Is that okay?"

My lips. I didn't want anything in my mouth. They put things in my mouth. Don't scream.

"Edward," another male voice cracked, "This is killing me, man."

"It's okay," he said quietly, "You just need a little patience don't you, Bella?"

"Emmett?" I formed the word before I even knew I wanted to say it.

"I'm right here, Bells," and another form came into view and took my hand. I held it. I needed my brother. I wanted my Mom.

"Shall we try the water again?" The voice told me.

"Ye-es," I mouthed. I opened my mouth. I had courage. I wanted it. I wanted water. Something tapped against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth cringing.

"Pull on the straw, love," The voice told me, "Carefully."

I did and cool, soothing water shot down my throat and I moaned in satisfaction. I closed my eyes and it felt good.

"Good girl," The voice said again, "Rest up. Sleep, we will be here when you wake up, You are safe, Bella. I promise you are safe now."

And I drifted off into sleep to face the shadows once again praying the angel would come to me again and help me fight them away.

Bright lights called me back. Something pulled me away and I jerked awake. Pain shot through me and I cried out.

"Bella," that voice again. I was dreaming. I had to be. Was I?

It flooded back. The electricity and the blanket of calm that he brought me. Water. I clicked my dry tongue against my lips. I moaned.

"I'm going to give you some more water, love," he said quietly in my ear, "Remember the straw like last time? That's it good girl," he was playing with my hair as I drank. He was stroking my arm. Sparks collided inside of me and I arched up. It still burnt. It licked down my throat and seemed to burn deep in the pit of my stomach, "Shhhh, Bella, please try to relax."

I lay still. I let his voice bring me back over and over.

"Could you open your eyes for me again, love?" he asked of me, "I know it hurts but I have dimmed the lights and I need to check your pupils, would that be okay?"

I cracked my eyes open again. It stung. I sighed and tried not to let it show I didn't want to disappoint the angel. I wanted to please him. If I made him mad - I shuddered.

"Excellent, thank you," he praised me, "I'm going to shine a light in your eyes now to check your pupils, is that okay?"

"Yes," I mumbled.

I felt warm hands on my forehead and it hurt, it ached. I flinched away but I remained as still as I could as a light scorched into my eyes.

"Good girl, that's perfect," he moved away for a second and he was murmuring but I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear or feel and - I tried to move, I started to cry.

"I'm still here, love," he assured me, "I'm still here," and he was back.

"- Cullen," I rasped out. I remembered his name. I opened my eyes once more and my focus was still bad. Too bright. Too much colour. Too much.

"Call me Edward," he said slowly, "Edward Cullen."

"Edward," I said testing the word out on my tongue. I wanted to smile but it felt too tight. My mouth and lips.

"Hi, Bella," he chuckled under his breath.

"Are you -," I cleared my throat, "- will you - ? please?"

"Will I what, sweetness?" he asked me.

"Closer - I want to see you," I said quietly, "I've - I have never seen - you."

"Sure," something rustled and his face peered into mine. I started to get upset because I couldn't see. He was just a shape a form. A flash of colour. Amber. And emerald.

"Your eyes are green," I managed with as much effort as I could muster, "and your hair - the boy - amber - you're the same colour."

"Yes my eyes are green," I could feel his hot breath on my face. It felt devine, "what do you mean? The same colour?"

"That boy," I struggled. I had seen it before. Had I? I started to doubt myself. Where were we? why was it so white? "in the yard. Next - next door. you are the same colour. Ugghh," I groaned again as pain rolled over me.

There was silenece for a second, had he left?

"Where does it hurt?" he asked me in a whisper now.

"My arm, it bu-urns," I matched his whispers.

"I'll take care of that, Bella," he stroked back my hair again, "I can't believe you remember me," she said suddenly, "do you remember that day?"

"Amber," I said, "and - and-," James!

"Shhhhh, it's okay, shhhh," he was holding my hand and soothing my soul.

"He - at the ballet, h-," his threats. His hands. The pain. I couldn't stop it. I -, "Edward," I started to cry, "please? Ple-ease, end it, I - done, please," I started to shake. Where was my Mother? "Where's my Mom?" I could feel my voice getting stronger, "Emmett? he killed them. He said - oh - fucckk," I was going to throw up. I was going to cry.

"Bella," Edward asked me, "Bella? Shhhhh, he isn't here. James can't hurt you if he isn't here. It's just you and me. I promise you will never be hurt again, okay?"

"Edward?" I cried. I wanted to see him again, "please don't leave me."

"I promise I'm not going anywhere," and I felt - I felt it. He kissed my forehead. Warm and light, his lips crackling against my skin. I sighed, calmer now.

"Don't leave," I turned my head to him, "Kiss me again. Make it go away."

I felt his lips once more on my cheek this time. I smiled. I didn't care how much it hurt, I wanted to smile.

"Make it all go away."

"I'll make it go away, Bella," he breathed against my ear.

**EEEEEKKKKKK tell me what you t****hink? Too much moaning and groaning?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Edward's POV**

"What is it Alice?" I snapped into my phone, pushing the speaker phone setting and pressing my foot down onto the accelerator.

"Oh, what a delightful way to greet your little sister," Alice's chirpy voice filled the car.

"Hello Alice," Carlisle said to let her know he was with me.

"Dad! Hey! Oh my gosh I spoke to Rose yesterday, how are you all?" my hands tightened on the steering wheel as a fresh ripple of anger shuddered through me.

How were we all? It had been six days since Bella had been found and she was slipping in and out of consciousness like a yo- yo. Sometimes she was coherent and others she just moved in her bed as if possessed. It fucking hurt to see her in so much pain. It fucking hurt not to take her into my arms and protect her from her nightmares. I knew she was having them, I would sit with her and watch her eyes flicker and her mouth open into a silent scream. I remembered Jazz's words. James had wanted her to scream – fuck!

"Edward," Alice said softly, "promise me you are looking after yourself? Carlisle, is he taking care of himself?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. What did it matter if I was or not, there was a broken girl in the fucking hospital that needed my help. Our help.

"Edward?" Carlisle lifted an eyebrow.

"At least tell me you are all eating and sleeping?" she bossed down the line.

When had I last eaten? Esme had made dinner last night and brought it to the hospital for us but Emmett had finished off most of mine. I just wasn't hungry, my stomach was in knots going over and over all the things Jasper had told me. How the fuck did you eat when you felt so sick inside? And sleep? I was grabbing an hour here and an hour there, slumping down in the chair in Bella's room or passing out in the on call room until my pager buzzed.

"We're doing fine, Al," I swung my car into the parking lot of the hospital, "How are you?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Edward," she sighed, "I know what you are like," she ignored my question I hate it when she did that. Wasn't it common fucking courtesy to answer a question when asked? "I know what you are like. You can't carry all of this on your shoulders. Dad, tell him."

"She's right," Carlisle nodded in agreement. Great! What was this, psychology 101? They didn't know shit about my problems.

"Are you going to tell me how you are or not?" I snapped.

"Oh you know – working hard and partying hard. Dex and I broke up but I guess you already knew that from Esme. It's no biggy, he just wasn't the one," she told me.

"Did he hurt you?" I growled.

Carlisle snapped his head up and looked at me with a frown on his face.

"What? No. Of course not," Alice let out a giggle, "Calm down, big brother of mine. Chill."

"Sorry," I sighed and rested my head back on the car seat, I was tired and edgy.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes Alice I am fine," I opened my eyes and looked at Carlisle, he was watching me with a worried expression on his face.

"Okay, well I have to get to school, last day on campus, can you believe that!" I smiled at her enthusiasm, I missed her.

"I miss you Alice," I decided to tell her.

"Aw, aren't you sweet? I'd tell you I missed you too but I had far too much fun at Fashion Week," she laughed and joked. It felt good to hear laughter, "Tell everyone I love them and give Bella a big hug from me. I love you."

And she was gone.

I looked over at the hospital and groaned, rubbing my face with my hands.

"Why don't you take a break today, son?" Carlisle said steadily, "No one will blame you."

"You know I can't," I sighed.

"Why do you think that is?" he replied in an infuriatingly calm voice.

"She needs me, Dad," I moaned. She needed me. Emmett needed me. Hell, even Jasper needed me.

"You can't take on the world every day. You know what Dr. Denali said, you need time to -."

"I don't give a shit what Denali said!" I exploded, "Fuck! It's been five years now, why the fuck do people keep throwing all that shit up in my face!"

Carlisle arched an eyebrow.

I took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to stay calm, ironically using the techniques Dr. Denali had taught me, "Sorry I-," I shook my head, "You saw her. She responds to me."

"I know, son," he said sadly.

"She remembered me, just like I remember her," I looked into his blue eyes and I saw his pity and compassion.

"Do you not think it is because she has attached herself to your voice? You were the first person there for her when she woke up? All those years ago – she can't have formed a bond with just one look," he laughed lightly, "I know you think-."

"I know!" I interrupted him, "I -," why do I feel so protective of her?

"Son," Carlisle rested a hand on my shoulder, "I think you need to take a break."

"I will take a break when Bella is more coherent," I nodded, "she's getting stronger every day."

Dad nodded accepting our compromise. I know he wouldn't push me on the matter, "I'm proud of you, Edward," he squeezed my shoulder before letting go and made a move to get out of the car.

I started my shift in an hour which gave me enough time to check in on Emmett and Bella. Dad had appointments but he promised me he would look in on Bella throughout the day whilst I was working. Esme was coming in to sit with Bella whilst Emmett got some clothes and checked in at the gym. Then once I was off shift I would sit with her until dawn broke. Jasper had yet to see Bella, all of us thinking it was a good idea to wait until she could see properly and was more rational. Right now her thoughts were so jumbled. From some of the things she had said to me I was sure she thought she was still in that house with James. I smiled when I remembered our conversation last night. She had called me an angel and she wanted to touch my wings. That's morphine for you, the hallucinations were freaky.

I chuckled to myself as I strode towards the ICU. I was no fucking angel but it was cool she thought of me that way. Emmett found it hilarious as did Rose. It was only Carlisle that didn't see the humour in it. I know he was worried but he needn't be. Whatever the connection was with Bella and I it was a good thing. She needed to feel protected and I damn sure wasn't going to give her any more reason to feel vulnerable or upset.

"Hey man," Emmett whispered as I cracked the door to Bella's room open and peered in, "she's sleeping," he mouthed.

I nodded and motioned for him to follow me out into the hall. I swiped her chart on the way out to take a look at her obs from the last few hours. Still low blood pressure but that was the Methodone they were giving her. Anxiety when waking. I read down the sheet, laboured breath and swollen ankles. I made a mental note to massage her feet this evening and get some circulation going.

"Dude, you look like shit," Emmett grabbed me into a hug and as he withdrew he ruffled my hair.

"Thanks," I punched him lightly on the arm and smiled, "you're in a good mood."

"Yeah, man, we played I spy," his grin looked like it was going to split his face in half.

"Huh?"

"When we were little we used to play it in the car on long journeys, she fucking remembered!" He laughed and I smiled with him.

"That's great, Em," I nodded, half-heartedly. If they played I spy that meant her sight was getting better. If they played I spy it meant – it meant I had missed the fun.

Fuck. No, that wasn't right, I shouldn't think like that, this was Emmett's little sister, of course they were going to have private moments and bond again. I was a selfish prick.

"Are you sure you're okay, man, you look kinda spaced," he tilted his head.

"I'm just tired, Em," I nodded, "do you mind if I say hey before I go to work?"

"Sure, dude. Shit, I don't know what I would have done without you this week, thanks, bro," I bumped fists with me and smiled, "naw I mean it."

I nodded, too tired to reply and I pushed open the door.

Bella was still asleep. I noticed some of her bruises had changed colour and her eyes looked less misshapen. I moved around the bed and checked the plugs in her arm as she sometimes disturbed them as she slept. I had to stop myself from checking her catheter. I had to start giving her some kind of dignity if she was going to stop thinking of me as a doctor and start thinking of me as more of a friend.

"Hi," I whispered, not wanting to wake her. I sat down and stared down at her face. She was still very poorly. It was going to be a long road ahead.

"Edward," she sighed.

I watched her more closely. She was still sleeping. She was dreaming. Holy shit, she was dreaming about me!

"Edward," she moaned again.

Carefully I took her hand in mine.

"Don't leave me-," she sighed, "- don't go."

"I'm right here, love," I whispered.

A small smile tugged at her lips and then she was gone, back into a deeper sleep.

"Yeah she's been doing that a lot," Emmett's voice made me jump.

"Jesus, Em, you scared the shit out of me."

He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest, "You know I love ya, Eddie boy but it's pretty fucking weird hearing my little sis moan my best mates name, don't you think?"

I think I would have blushed if I wasn't so tired, "Emmett, you know-."

He shook his head, cutting me off and he moved around the bed to sit on her other side, "Do you remember when I met Rose?" I nodded. Vividly. Emmet had never been so excited about a girl before. He'd been one week out of rehab and we all told him he needed time to heal before racing into a relationship but did he fucking listen? Nope, not Em.

"Rose was all kinds of screwed up when I met her," he said. I nodded. I knew about Rosalie's past and I knew that Emmett had been her saviour just as she had been his, "One look at her and I knew she was the one for me. She was all bashed up, black eyes, fat lip – I didn't give a shit about any of that, I just saw her, you know? And she saw me. Big, ugly, fucked up me."

"What are you saying, Em?" I tilted my head.

"I've watched you be alone for all the time I've known you. I know you're fucking lonely," oh here we go I thought to myself, "I know you inside and out, man and Bella – she's woken something up inside of you. This past week – I've never even fucking seen you be so – so patient. You're an asshole even on a good day but look at you. You're like super Ed taking care of everyone."

"Finished?" I asked him.

"No man, not by a long shot. A fuck hot nurse was in here yesterday and you didn't even look at her."

"I was tending to your sister, dickwad," I muttered, "Bella's wellfare is more important than getting laid."

"She was asleep," Emmett leant forward in his chair, "don't fuck this up, whatever this is, okay?" he warned, "I don't want to have to pound on my best friend."

"Em," I sighed choosing to ignore his joke, "I think you are – misunderstanding things. Bella is -," I lowered my voice, "she will have a lot of scars from this, psychological scars. She only reacts to me positively because I was the first person there for her when she woke," I repeated what Carlisle had said, "I swear I am not trying to scam on your sister whilst she's laying in a fucking hospital bed."

"Whatever," Emmett rolled his eyes, "I know what I saw."

"What do you mean?"

"The day Bells went missing was the day you moved in next door. I saw the two of you staring at one another," He muttered, "And then I saw Bella acting all fucking weird afterwards, before -," he cleared his throat, "Before her ballet class. And now. Look at you two."

I looked at how I was holding Bella's hand and somehow my other hand had gravitated to her side, holding her rib cage, feeling it rise and fall with her breath. And bella – she had turned towards me.

I pulled my hands away and stood up suddenly.

"I – I just want her to – I want to -," I shook my head. I was some sort of sick bastard to think about Bella in that way but I saw beauty in my memory of her. The pretty girl next door, "She will – this isn't good, Em."

Emmett smiled a sad smile, "you always chose the roughest path. Always have, ever since I've known you. Masochistic ass, that's you."

I chose to ignore the feelings raging inside of me and smiled down at Em, "Word of the day toilet roll?"

"You know it, bro," Emmett's loud laugh filled the room and we both gasped, looking down at Bella but she was still sleeping.

"I got to get to work," I said quietly, "have them page me if you need anything."

"Sure thing," Emmett winked. Fucker.

My day was a long one. It always was. Two heart attacks. A pile up on the freeway. Ugh I pulled off my blood stained scrubs and hit the showers letting the day wash away down the plug hole. I ignored my colleagues suggestions of a few beers at Hannigans and quickly made my way to the ICU. I was dead on my feet. Exhausted and hungry. I wanted to go back to my house and sleep for a week but that wasn't an option. The pull to Bella was stronger. I needed to see how she was doing and then maybe I could get some rest in the chair beside her.

Rounding the corner I knocked into an empty gurney.

"Shit," I stumbled but managed to keep my balance.

"Language," a sweet, high voice told me. I span around recognising it instantly.

"Alice!" I broke out into a huge smile when my eyes fell on her tiny frame, "Al."

She was stood watching me, my pretty little sister, in pumps and jeans and a pink top that showed way too much cleavage. She had changed her hair, it was cut short now and flicked out into a funky little style that I sure I knew the name of if I wasn't so tried.

"Edward," she laughed and threw herself into my arms, "Hi! I had to fly down to see you guys. I had a feeling I needed to be here. I missed you."

"I missed you too," I enveloped her into my arms and lifted her up turning her around, so happy to see her, "You shouldn't have come but – I'm glad you're here," I smiled.

Alice blinked up and me and smiled, "Emmett was right."

"Huh?" I set her down and slung an arm around her small shoulders.

"Nothing," she winked and started to pull me towards the ICU, "I saw Bella -," she swallowed and I felt her mood shift. Alice's moods changed like the wind. She was mostly happy and care free but sometimes she could go from laughing her head off to crying her eyes out in ten seconds flat. She felt emotions, just as Esme did and she hated to see people suffering. When Emmett had been in rehab she cried for days, missing him and disbelieving of the pain this world could inflict on people.

"Al, she's going to be okay," I told her.

"She's so – small and did you see her bruises? Oh, it's just terrible," I stopped her mid stride and took her face in my hands, "Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't do this."

"It's okay to be sad but she will be fine in time," I don't know who I was trying to convince, her or me.

"Mom left you some cobbler," her voice changed again and she was cheerful again, "she knows you haven't been eating properly."

"So, how long are you here for?" I asked her changing the subject.

"For as long as it takes," she said.

"What about school?"

"Schools out for summer," she laughed tunefully, "Which means you get to spoil your little sister for eight weeks."

"Ha, yeah," I grunted.

"Edward," she sighed and stopped us before we got to the reception, "you are being careful aren't you? I don't know what I'd do if -."

I stopped her before she could say it, "I promise I'm keeping myself in check, I promise."

"Okay," she stood up on tip toes to kiss my cheek, "Rose and I are going to take Jasper and Emmett out for dinner. Join us? Please?"

I made a face and shrugged. I couldn't. I wanted to sit with Bella and sleep.

"Tomorrow then," she smiled, "just me and you."

"It's a date," I pulled her into another hug, "my shout."

"Yey!" she hopped about against my chest and I had to laugh, she was so full of life.

"I finish here at eight," I lied. I finished at seven but would give me an hour with Bella.

"Okay, see you later," she pecked me on the cheek one last time and was gone.

I shook my head and chuckled. The world always seemed a brighter place when Alice was around. I couldn't wait for her to finish school and move back to Forks. I knew she wouldn't go very far if she decided to live anywhere else. She was like me, she wanted to be close to us all.

I let myself into Bella's room and quietly sank down into the chair beside her bed, both relieved and pissed she was asleep. I wanted so much for her to open her eyes and for us to talk but at the same time I was so tired all I wanted to do was close my eyes and join her in slumber.

"-shit," I whispered out loud to myself, beyond stressed by the situation. I knew I was struggling to contain my anger. I could feel it creeping up and I wasn't sure if I would be able to hold it for much longer. I needed out but I just couldn't tear myself away. Not yet. Not from her. Not ever.

**Bella's POV**

"Shit-," I heard a whisper. It was quiet. So quiet I was unsure I had heard right.

Before me sat a man. My eyes adjusted to the harsh light but I could see more clearly today and his features were more defined. He was striking. Handsomely so with pale, immaculate skin – defined, angular yet boyish. He was very scruffy, I decided. Some of them were. Some of them them wore clothes in holes in that hung from their emancipated frames. Others wore suits. Others wore nothing – no- I squeezed my eyes shut.

I tried to concentrate on the beautiful man in front of me. I knew it was Edward because of his hair. Amber. Golden and very messy, sticking out all over the places but mainly upwards. He wa swearing blue pjama like things. Scrubs, I found the word I needed and tilted my head. Yes, he was a doctor.

I winced a little at the memory of him tending to my stitches. I tried not to. I didn't – like want -. I stared at him. Why was he cursing? And why did he look so defeated? Angels didn't look that miserable.

"Edward," I said. It still hurt my throat to talk but it wasn't searing pain anymore.

His head lifted suddenly and he snorted awake.

Golden brown eyes met mine. I could see him. I was so thankful I could see him properly now.

"Hey," He whispered and hid a yawn behind his hand, "How are you feeling today?"

I chose not to answer him. I wasn't sure what the right answer was. I didn't know which answer would make him happy so I remained quiet and still.

"Sorry, I'm exhausted," he yawned again.

"Then sleep," I told him plainly. My eyes widened. I hadn't meant to speak out of turn. I started to become agitated, "Sorry," I whispered, I had to apologise. Did apologising ever help me before.

To my surprize he chuckled lightly, "You're right, I need to sleep," he yawned again and stretched out his long arms slipping down the chair he was sat in, "but I'd much rather talk to you."

"Oh," I dropped my gaze from his divine face.

We sat in silence some more. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say. He wanted to talk. No one ever wanted to talk with me before.

"Do you remember where you are, Bella?" he asked me.

I narrowed my eyes and fidgeted with the bandages on my arm. I shot a look to the corner of the room and Edward followed my eyes. He frowned and turned back towards me.

"No one's here but you and me, Bella," he shifted a little bit closer to me, "speak freely about anything you like."

"They're listening," I whispered and shook my head. They always listened, just outside of the door. They knew if I was a good girl or not. They know if I screamed.

"They aren't outside, they are gone now," Edward said quietly, my eyes widened again. Was he shocked? He looked like he was in pain. I had said that out loud? Oh – no they heard that, they would have and then –, "stay calm, sweetie. Please? No one's going to hurt you, not while I am here, okay?"

"Okay," I hesitated still. They were always outside listening. Why would this place be any different?

"Tell me, what is your favourite colour?"

I shook my head. I didn't know.

"Edward," I said quietly – I eyed the door. James was lurking. Or someone was. I shook my head, hating it. I was so confused. I wish they would just come and take me away again, then I would know, "I – Edward -."

"Go on," he urged. I didn't realise he was holding my hand until he squeezed it encouraging my words.

"I don't like it here," I admitted in a whisper, "you take – will I – can we -," my voice stuck in my throat, I had said too much. I –

The room started to swim and my lung felt like they were going to explode with air.

"Shhhh," Edward came closer and he was even more handsome up close. I could see every pore every eyelash, everything about him was welcoming, even the musky scent that lingered on him. The coffee on his breath – it was calming. I wanted him to breathe on me, I wanted that coffee breath to fill up my body and –

"They heard that didn't they?" I whispered so quietly, so low that they wouldn't have overheard that.

"No, love," Edward shook his head, "you're not very comfortable here are you?"

I shook my head and treacherous tears slid down my face. I wanted it over with already.

"Leave it with me, Bella," he smiled easily, "I'll see if I can do something about that for you, would that be okay?"

"Yes," I said in-between sobs.

"Bella?" he was very close now, sat on the edge of my bed. His back was to the door and I couldn't see it with his body in the way and I found I didn't mind. It was like a shield. It kept them away, "I – you do understand where you are don't you?"

"Yes," I answered automatically. I was tired now but I wanted to stay awake for him. I wanted to please him.

"Can you tell me where you are?" I felt him cup my cheek and brush a tear away with the pad of his thumb.

"Hospital," I whispered, "I don't like hospitals."

He chuckled and it was a glorious sound. Full of – life.

"I know you don't, love. I am sure we can fix that though," and he leant forward and pressed his lips to my forehead. I closed my eyes and revelled in his scent and the calming warmth he brought me.

"Don't go," I took advantage of his close proximity and fisted my hands into the front of his top.

"Bella," he whispered, "I-," he said awkwardly.

"Please don't go," I shook my head, "Don't leave me with them."

I felt him closer and closer until his head was resting beside mine.

"Who is them?" he asked softly.

"The shadows," I started to drift and his face began to disappear with sleep.

"And these shadows hurt you?"

"All the time."

"Are they here now?"

"They're out there."

"They won't hurt you anymore, sweetheart."

"Hmm,"I sighed.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yea-ah."

"Then trust that they won't you hurt you anymore. Not whilst I'm around."

"Edward," I sighed again.

"Bella," he matched my sleepy tone and I fell asleep letting his calm lead me to my dreams.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for all the story alerts and reviews (all eight of them lol!) maybe if they are pushed up to twenty I will post another chapter, yes I know shameless review tauting! Please let me know what you think, I'm dying to hear what you think of this and my writing.**

**Edward's POV**

"Edward," One tiny voice stilled my anger in one second. I opened my eyes and gazed down at the bed. A pair of glassy blood shot eyes gazed right back and something inside of me relaxed and centred with both the sound of her voice and watchful eyes.

"Hey," I whispered quietly wincing at how low and gravelly my voice strained out. I really need some fucking sleep, "How are you feeling today?"

She didn't answer me. Instead her eyes darted all over my face as if she was seeing me for the first time. Well I guess she was.

"Sorry, I'm exhausted," I yawned and stretched my legs out a little. She was fully awake and I knew I had enough energy to revel in it. Shit, I'll always have enough energy for her. My eyes widened at my little revelation to myself. This was ridiculous.

"Then sleep," she said sweetly. Her voice was almost as husky as mine, "Sorry."

"You're right, I need to sleep," I fucking yawned again and this time stretched my arms out wide, hearing my shoulders crack as I did so, "but I'd much rather talk to you."

"Oh," she looked away and I could almost hear the whir of some inner battle going on inside her thoughts. I stole myself not to be as familiar with her. This was perhaps the first time I had seen her lucid, I didn't want to scare her, she barely knew me. _But you're her angel_ a snide little voice in my head countered.

I waited. We sat in a comfortable silence. Outside I could hear people milling around in the corridors, I could hear the gentle buzz of the strip lighting above and outside rain started to patter against the sill.

"Do you remember where you are, Bella?" I asked her gently.

That's when she started to become more jittery. She shook her head sharply to one side something I suspected would jar her bruised neck. She looked like a deer in the headlights, she wanted to bolt but she was restricted to her bed. I wondered how she would be once she was more mobile.

"No one's here but you and me, Bella," I moved a little closer. I didn't want her hurting herself if she decided the pain would be worth it just to get away from my question, "speak freely about anything you like."

After a long few moments she opened her mouth several times before muttering "They're listening." She began shaking her head from side to side and her fingers worried the frayed fibres of the cast on her hand. I so wanted to reach across and still her hands, "They always listened, just outside of the door. They knew if I was a good girl or not. They know if I screamed."

I blinked. What had she said? My heart ached for her in those tiny, rasped non-sentences. I knew a little of what she been through from Jasper's account of how sick that fuck James had been but – fuck, hearing it from her chapped lips? It stung my very soul.

"They aren't outside, they are gone now," I assured her lightly not wanting to add to her grief by reacting to her words, "stay calm, sweetie. Please? No one's going to hurt you, not while I am here, okay?"

Her eyebrows furrowed and her tiny mouth formed an 'o' and she stuttered out a quiet, "okay."

I decided this wouldn't work if she was too afraid to talk and hold a conversation for fear of those fuckers hovering and destroying her every thought and word. No. I wanted her to talk even if it was about the weather.

"Tell me, what is your favourite colour?"

She shook her head.

Shit. Her eyes slid around the room again and then I glanced over my shoulder to see what had caught her attention. She was staring at the door. I reached across and took her hand ignoring my own irrational tug on my heart every time I did that.

"Edward, I – Edward -."

"Go on," I tried to smile but I was having trouble swallowing my sadness for this tortured woman. All my fears were coming to the surface. She was detached. I prayed any psychosis wasn't lasting. I didn't know what I'd do if when she got well on the outside she would have to go away to get well on the inside. Emmett had only just got her back. I had only just found her. _Pull it together, Cullen_, I chastised myself.

"I don't like it here," she whimpered, "you take – will I – can we."

I could see her chest start to rise and fall a lot faster and her hand began to shake in mine.

"Shhhh," I got closer still.

"They heard that didn't they?" she whispered so quietly I barely heard.

"No, love," I told her. Shit – she was crying now, "you're not very comfortable here are you?"

She shook her head in answer.

"Leave it with me, Bella," I sighed with a sad smile, "I'll see if I can do something about that for you, would that be okay?"

"Yes," she began to cry harder though and my whole being crumpled in itself. Something I was doing was upsetting her. It wasn't my touch, she wasn't flinching away from me.

The door! She kept on watching the door and I realised that on top of the stark impersonal hospital room doors were going to be an issue because that is where her attackers came from. All fear goes back to source – we seek where it is coming from and that builds up your terror and – I sighed.

"Bella?" I shifted forward until my face was close to hers and I angled my body so that all she would be able to see was me or directly to her left or right. No more door. If she couldn't see it, it didn't exist. Okay so it was that fucking easy but it helped her some, "I – you do understand where you are don't you?" I wanted to be sure she knew she was safe, that she was with people with authority and here was a safe place.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me where you are?" I couldn't help it, I touched her cheek and brushed away a stray tear. I was careful not to disturb her stitches or press at her bruises.

"Hospital, I don't like hospitals."

She knew where she was. That was a good sign. She was holding onto my shirt now, her weak hands clinging to the material. That made my smile stretch – she was so close, she was trusting me even now that she was seeing more clearly, hearing more clearly.

"I know you don't, love. I am sure we can fix that though," I would give her the world if it would put her at ease and make her smile.

"Don't go," she said quietly.

"Bella," I sighed, I was so tired. I wanted to but he needs before my own but I couldn't do that if I was dog tired all of the time, "I-," he said awkwardly.

"Please don't go. Don't leave me with them."

Oh fuck. I closed my eyes and wanted to tear myself away from her so badly. This was wrong. This was ridiculous, this magnetic pull to be near her at all times.

"Who is them?" I asked her, touching my forehead to hers so that our noses touched too. I prayed she wasn't seeing things. I prayed to god that her mind wasn't lost one last time.

"The shadows," she murmured sleepily.

"And these shadows hurt you?" shit.

"All the time." She sighed into my face.

"Are they here now?"

"They're out there."

"They won't hurt you anymore, sweetheart," I wouldn't let them.

She moaned but unlike her moaning the last few days. This more laced with sleep and – peace?

"Do you trust me?"

"Yea-ah."

I smiled at this and I moved an extra few inches until my head was resting on the pillow next to hers. I moved some more and I wanted to get into the bed with her. I wanted to curl up beside her and protect her. I wanted sleep, for fucks sake. But instead I got comfortable where I was partially on the hospital mattress and I closed my eyes unable to keep them open for a moment longer.

"Then trust that they won't you hurt you anymore. Not whilst I'm around."

"Edward."

"Bella," I yawned and fell into a dreamless, heavy sleep.

* * *

><p>I start awake and sit bolt upright hissing at a slow stab in the bottom of my back. What the fuck? I look down at what had served as my pillow all night and I'm surprised to see it is in a fact pillow. But not any old pillow. It had been Bella's pillow. She's still sound asleep on the other half and somehow during the night she's curled herself up and into me in amy hap hazard, half on half off slumber.<p>

Well fuck, I blinked. I slept all night which in itself is an achievement. Carefully I straighten up and crack my aching back. It was so fucking worth it, I grin to myself.

"Don't you look happy with yourself," a little voice carries from the door and I jump out of my skin. Alice, Rosalie and Emmett are all huddled in the doorway, all three sets of lips quivering as they try not to laugh at me.

"Eat shit," I flip them off and smile lazily.

"Nice mouth, Cullen," Emmett roars with laughter but quickly claps his hands over his mouth.

I spin around and watch as Bella jolts awake.

"Shhhh, it's okay," I try to soothe her but she's disorientated and has some kind of death grip hold on my pants. I hadn't even felt her hand grab at me at Emmett's loud ass bellowing, "Bella, love, remember what I said, you are safe."

"I am," she said quietly. Her eyes opened from their squinting and she held my own as they searched my face. I coloured slightly under her scrutiny but I let her watch me, I let her be assured by a face she knows doesn't mean her any harm.

"Alice," I said quietly so not to startle Bella. I reached a hand backwards searching for my sisters, "Bella, I would like you to meet my sister. She's an angel too -."

I felt Alice's hand slide into mine and I gently pulled her forward. Bella's eyes left me and she looked at Alice.

"See? How we look alike?" I smiled gently, "Alice is going to help me make the door less scary, okay? And I think we could do with some homely touches so this room feels less like a cell and more like – well home," I smiled, "Would that be okay with you, Bella?"

She took a look moment to look back and forth between the two of us. I wondered how much of our conversation from last night she remembered. Slowly she started to nod her head.

"Yay!" Alice started to jump up and down and I pulled on her arm to still her. Any jumping around near Bella wasn't good, "I'll-," Alice faltered. I squeezed her hand to reassure her, "maybe they will let me put a pretty curtain up on the door and I can bring you some soft toys and cushions for colour. Oooooh yes-," she became more animated now, "lots of soft lilacs and cream and I can get you some pyjama's to match, we'll have to cut off one of the legs for your cast but that is okay. Oh this is going to be fun."

I chuckled to myself and noted the amusement in Bella's eyes, "What do you think about lilacs and creams?" I asked her gently.

She looked from me to Alice to Rosalie and Emmet at the doorway still, back to me. I could see her brain working overtime trying to make the decision.

"Everyone likes lilac and what's not to like about cream," Alice chirruped happily, "You and I are going to be great friends, Bella," she said with a wink, "just you wait and see. Are you ready to meet Jasper? He's right outsi-."

"Uh Al," I shook my head. I wasn't sure if this was the right time.

"It's okay, Jasper won't hurt her," she said happily.

"No Alice, I really don't think-."

"It-it's -," Bella cleared her throat, "I – Edward?"

"Yes, my love?" I soothed small circles in her shoulder.

"Where's my mum and Dad?" she asked in the tiniest voice that just broke my heart, "I'd like to see them now."

**Please review thank you**


	10. Chapter 10

**Oh wow, reviews! Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, it does mean an awful lot. I said I'd write another chapter if I reached 20 reviews so here it is. It contains violence and rape although not graphic…..**

**I was thinking seeing as this is lucky chapter number ten I'd give you readers the opportunity to ask Edward some questions if you wanted to and I'll ask him to take some time out of his anger and Bella administrations to answer them once I reach 40 reviews. Thanks guys!**

**Bella's POV**

Pain. That was the enemy. Sting and burn and ache. Searing hot or heavy cold, sometimes they would knit together as one and I would not – could not tell what the heat finished and the ice began. It's all the same. Physical and mental pain were as one as I listened. All I had to do was listen but all I could hear was the roar of my own heartbeat in my ears and – this was – they were, no this was another one of their games. They were lying.

This was not real.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

My brother. Emmett. Edward loved Emmett and he had said – he said – I squeezed shut my eyes. No – no they – they were hurting me. James wasn't hurt but they hurt me anyway. They said – he said, he'd said – I shook my head no again.

"Bella," his voice penetrated the buzzing but he wasn't safe anymore. Words hurt. His words, they hurt me.

"Bella," Emmett's voice murmured to me, "please open your eyes, look at me."

I refused. I would not scream, I would. Not. Scream.

"Please Bella," his voice cracked with emotion now and my memory buzzed with a time before the dark and shadows. The time when my big brother would scoop me up in his arms and blow raspberries on my stomach. A time when my Mother – our Mother chuckled and laughed at us play fighting and having fun. It was too bright for my eyes, their love and their happiness was too bright for me now and it stung.

"Open your eyes, Bella," Emmett demanding a little more firmly this time. A dark voice. Not the boy I used to know. It wasn't my brothers voice anymore, "Jesus fucking Christ," I heard him hiss and I heard a clatter of something, something hard and metal. I stiffened and – it hurt. It all hurt too much.

"Em," a female voice sighed and then a bang. I jumped and whimpered and – my angel was gone. His words hurt just like theirs had. I –

"Edward, do something," a woman's voice said. A woman.

"I - ," his sooth low voice called to me again. He was still here. He hadn't left, he was still here, wasn't he? "I – don't know – how," he sounded hurt. Was that guilt? Did he feel guilty for hurting me?

**_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chanted with each thrust. I think I would have felt his salty tears dripped down onto my body if I wasn't so riddled with pain. Each blow was like a sledgehammer to my already aching head and soon all I could see was red. That was blood. All I could see was blood drowning me and the pain, it choked and curled everywhere. But still the gruff mans voice carried, "I'm sorry, sweet child, I'm sorry. I'm a monster. I – ugh – so tight, shit you're so tight," he sobbed._**

**_Why would he cry? Why was he sorry but then kept on?_**

**_"I'm sorry," he called as he came inside of me and slumped down on my shaking body. Spent._**

**_"- please-?" I whispered, "- please help me."_**

**_"I can't-," he began to cry harder this time, "My wife, she can't know I come here."_**

**_I felt him push off of me and I instantly curled into myself. I had heard his voice before. I had heard his crying before and I had felt his fists a million times. He had a wife. And he had a daughter. I remember him telling me that the last time. 'A beautiful daughter, I long to fuck.' I shivered in disgust. I was taking her punishment from his conscience._**

**_"I have some chocolate for you," he was telling me now. I didn't want his chocolate but I hadn't eaten in so long. My stomach was so empty it cramped up like it had begun eating itself, "- I'm sorry," I felt his hands on my head and something cold against my cuts and bruises, "I wish I could take you away from here, babygirl."_**

**_" – to your wife," I stuttered out. He was cleaning my cuts and then I felt water trickle past my lips. I opened my mouth greedily. I was so thirsty._**

**_"I'm sorry. I feel so guilty." Guilty, "I feel so helpless."_**

**_"- ugh," I groaned as he slipped into my core once again._**

**_"I'm sorry. I'm guilty. You're my guilty pleasure – oh shit," he started to moan and pound into me deeper. It hurt. It tore and bled and it hurt so much._**

**Edward POV**

I stood and watched helplessly as Emmett told Bella about Charlie and Renee. Alice clung to me and I knew she was crying even though I could not see her face. I had to give Emmett some credit, he told her slowly and calmly, he held her hand and quietly spoke the words I doubt Bella thought possible.

Shit, I couldn't imagine losing one of my parents let alone two. In hindsight it may not have been the best time in Bella's recovery to tell her the fate of her parents but I don't know how damaging it would have been for her to wonder why they weren't by her side.

"I love you Bells, we all love you so much," Emmett said softly.

"Why – don't -," I watched Bella closely and her eyes fluttered with some kind of pain, I stepped forward to help her but Alice held me back, shaking her head no, "why are you doing this?"

Emmett sighed and shook his head, "You have a right to know, sweetie."

"You're lying – you – you huurrt," she moaned.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Emmett stood and shook his head, looking to me for help. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper in the doorway.

"Bella, please open your eyes. Look at me," she was shaking on the bed and she had her eyes screwed shut. I could feel her pain in my chest and this time I extracted myself from Alice's embrace and moved forward. I wanted to comfort her and bring her back from the anxiety that clouded her but the look on Emmett's face stopped me.

Tears were streaming down his face as he watched his little sister struggle to breathe and keep herself calm. She was all he had left in the world of his blood and – I swallowed a lump in my throat. I couldn't bear to see my best friend in so much pain.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Emmett exploded and I watched him grab a tray of utensils from the sill and throw it at the wall with a deafening crash. His huge chest heaved with unshed tears and his hands shook almost as violently as Bella was shaking now.

"Em," Rosalie reached forward but he shook her off and stormed out of the room pushing past Jasper and slamming the door shut with a final bang.

"Edward, do something," Alice pulled on the sleeve of my shirt.

I watched Bella. I stood there and fucking watched her unravel again and – took her hand in mine and waited for whatever it was about my touch to soothe her. I lent in close and brushed my nose along her jaw line. Nothing. I couldn't help her, I couldn't take this kind of pain away like I could the physical stuff. I couldn't fucking help her – I shook my head, I was at a loss of what to do or say anymore. I looked back at Alice's tear stained face and shook my head.

"I don't know how," my voice cracked and I stumbled back from the bed. I couldn't help her. This ran deeper than some stupid spark we seemed to have – some notion in Bella's head that told her I was safe, that I was her angel couldn't fight against this deep and bitter emotion anymore.

"Edward," the click of the door announced the arrival of the doctor and he was flanked by two nurses, one had a tray holding a needle and a small vial and the other held restraints, "step aside, please. I need to sedate her for the time being."

I shook my head, "No," I stared down at Bella as she ripped out the drip in her arm and she flailed around stuck in the nightmare she had suffered. No fucking way was that needle going anywhere near her.

"She's causing damage to herself," the doctor advanced and I drew up my strength. I called upon the anger I had been biting down all this time.

"I said no! If you sedate this patient you will do irreparable damage to her already fragile state!" I stood before the doctor, glaring at him and a snarl ripped from my chest.

"Nurse Haddon, call security," the doctor said with authority, "I've listened to you so far in this case, Doctor Cullen but I cannot let this go-."

"The fuck you will!" I raged, "You stay away from her! Do you hear me? If you come one step closer I swear to fucking God I will-."

"Edward!" Alice shouted above my roars, "You're scaring her!"

"NO!" I stepped towards the doctor some more, "HE'S scaring her! Don't you understand! Those evil bastards restrained her! THEY drugged her! If you do the same she won't come back from this!"

"Ed, for fucks sake," two huge security men barrelled into the room. I knew them from the ER, "Chill the fuck out or I'll throw you out on your ass."

"This is WRONG!" I yelled, "Why don't you see that!"

"Step aside, Doctor."

"Edward-," Alice whimpered. I barely noticed that Jasper had his arms around my sister. I didn't even notice that my father was now stood in the doorway wide eyed with shock. I just wanted that fucking needle away from my Bella. My Bella.

"I said-," the doctor advanced, "Step. Aside."

"NO!" I knocked the silver tray from his hand and grabbed his wrist. Then everything happened very quickly. I slammed him up against the wall and the two security guards, had my arms behind my back and on the floor, a knee was pushing into my back – and I could hear Bella's screams when she said she wouldn't scream and – I was yelling and struggling to get to her but they wouldn't fucking let me.

"Calm down, son," Carlisle's voice broke through my red mist.

"I will NOT fucking calm down! He's fucking hurting her! Don't – get the FUCK off of me!"

"Fucking hell, he's strong," one of the men holding me down panted, "if you ever give up medicine we could do with your muscle on the doors," he chuckled. He fucking chuckled.

"Ha fucking ha! Now get the fuck off of me!" I managed to shove them from me but I wasn't quick enough for the freedom in their hold to last. They pinned me up against the wall and jostled me out of the room.

"I said get the FUCK off of me!"

"No can do, Dr. Cullen," the security guard was amused. He was fucking laughing at me.

"Woah woah woah, what the fuck I going on?" Emmett came into view, "get your hand off of him, man."

"Emmett, they're sedating her," I stopped struggling and let the anger go. The battle was lost. It was already done.

"Are we good here? Or do I need to kick your ass again?" the security guy smiled.

"Fuck you," I muttered, rubbing my jaw where it had connected with the wall. That was going to bruise later.

"Man," Emmett shook his head, "what happened?"

"Romeo here unleashed the beast, huh?" the security guard laughed and clapped me on the back, "It's cool, man, if that were my girl I'd want to tear the whole fucking world apart."

"Edward," Emmett shook his head, " – are you okay?"

Was I okay?

No I wasn't okay. I had to get out of here. Away from this. I ran. I staggered down the hallway muttering to them I needed air and as soon as I felt fresh air hit I ran. I got into my car and I clutched at the steering wheel until the leather burnt the palms of my hands. It hurt to think about leaving Bella at the mercy of that doctor but what had happened, what those sick fucks had done to her cut my soul. They hurt something pure, they had ripped everything away from Bella. They – they had –

"Shit," I sobbed letting the horrors of what Jasper had told me in. It all flooded in and replaced the anger inside of me. I couldn't help her.

Instead I had helped him. I'd brought that cunt back to life and he'd taken my Bella away. He'd killed my love, my life, that goddess in the window that had smiled such a sweet, kind smile.

**Thank you for reading.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, thank you so much for all of the reviews. This chapter is short so sorry in advance but it's a little insight into why Edward acts like his does. I quite like the cool collected doctor side of him but we all know Edward has a hidden monster in him. Thank you again. Please review if you read :D**

**Edward's POV**

I had to get out of here. I couldn't sit in the parking lot all day cursing the mother fucker who had put Bella in hospital and at the same time I couldn't yearn for her whilst she lay in a hospital bed suffering under the meds that idiot doctor had pushed into her system. My first thought was to hit a bar and get out of mind drunk on whiskey. What would that make me though? Instead I drove to a convenience store and picked up a six pack of beer to drink at home. Alone.

I wanted to be alone. My phone had buzzed on and off for the few hours I'd sat brooding in the hospital lot but I ignored them all. I wanted some silence and I was kinda scared if I was in anyone's company I'd blow up again. I knew the signs and I knew the triggers and I'd ignored them all. Time alone would fix this and I knew my family would get that.

I hadn't been in my apartment for over a week and it looked empty. It was empty. There was no life in these walls at all. I had left my heart back at the hospital and severely doubted I'd ever enjoy walking through the door again unless Bella was well and recovering. I fucking hated that I had reacted like I did. I wasn't a kid anymore and – I thought I'd dealt with all that shit years ago. I used to have a really short fuse – like really fucking short and whilst I was in control most of the time there had been an incident. Shortly after Emmett went in to rehab I'd – shit it was really hard to admit this shit – but I'd beaten the shit out some low life at the teaching hospital I was working at. His wife was in with a fractured jawbone and I knew it was at the hand of a violent husband. So when the bastard showed his sorry face and started ragging on his wife again I ripped back the curtain, grabbed the piece of shit by the neck and kicked seven shades of shit into him like he had his wife. I wasn't even sure where it came from. The details were a little hazy in mind and I had later described it as a red mist descending to my shrink.

I was never charged with the assault and Carlisle pulled a lot of strings to ensure that I wasn't dismissed from med school but it was under one condition. That I get help for the anger I felt at the world and I never do it again. I hadn't. I'd made sure I did everything right to prevent any kind of rage at that magnitude taking me over. I enrolled in a yoga class to help me find my 'happy place' and once I'd learnt the exercises I enrolled in a tai chi class for good measure. I worked out all the time to get my aggression out and I rarely drank now so I didn't lose control. I thought I'd kicked it.

I thought I had but today. It was lack of sleep and stress. Still no fucking excuse, I know. I'd write Bella's doctor an apology and send his wife some flowers or something.

Right now I needed some space to think and some time to just be and collect my thoughts.

I dialled out for some food to be delivered and I kicked back on the couch, cracking open a beer and plugging in my ipod. The calming sounds of Chopin washed over me and I went to my happy place.

My happy place wasn't very original. It was a field. I guess you could call it a meadow with long grass that shook in the wind and long stem flowers of red and purple that contrasted perfectly with the green and yellow of sun scorched weeds and grass. Birds sang in the trees that surrounded the haven and insects buzzed and flitted about, busy and focused. Sometimes the image of this place was so vivid I could smell the scent of the earth and the pollen of the flowers would tickle my nose. Places like this existed. I must have drawn the image from somewhere but I hadn't found it yet. Not yet.

Today as I turned in the grass finding a spot to rest and let the sun warm my skin a figure caught my attention. Never had anyone else been at my happy place. I like the space and lonely silence that was so lacking in my life. I loved my family but their concern and care was sometimes stifling. I craved silence when I was at the hospital as well.

But someone stood there. A woman. And she was beautiful. She didn't say anything as she made a slow winding path towards where I stood. She lifted her full length dress a little so she didn't trip over the hem and she skipped to where I was standing, staring astounded by her presence. Still no word passed her lips but she gently pushed my chest and I took the hint and sat back in the grass. I lay back and crooked an arm behind my head to watch the clouds passing in the sky. The woman settled herself down beside me and laid her head on my chest letting out a sweet contented sigh.

She smelt of vanilla and strawberries. She smelt amazing and she was mine.

I have no idea how long I slept for but it would seem I missed the delivery of my pizza. I thought about rolling over and going back to sleep but it was growing dark outside and I should eat before it's too late. I threw some soup into a pan and idly heated it up whilst flipping through the messages on my phone. I was trying to stay in my happy place. I was really fucking trying not to slide down to the kitchen floor and sob like a little girl at the last few weeks. I tugged agitatedly at my hair as I read the text messages from my family.

They wanted to know I was alright. Of course they did. But was I? I was still beyond tired and I felt guilt for not being there for Bella if she needed me. I felt this guilt for being so self-pitying. I wasn't the one laid up in a hospital bed. I wasn't anything to Bella, even. What right did I have to get so pissed when I hardly knew the girl. Even Emmett had sent me a message of concern. I felt like an ass. I was an ass. It should be me rallying around Em. Fuck.

I typed out a message to Carlisle knowing he would pass it around everyone for me. He understood my anger more than anyone. I'd taken it out on him for most of my teenage years. He knew when I needed to just chill on my own and he granted me that. Esme hated it when I withdrew into myself and she'd bug me with messages until I picked up the phone and spoke to her, same as Alice did. I guess it showed they cared.

_'At home calming down. I'm sorry, dad. Can u xplain to the others and to Bella. E x'_

My phone sounded a few seconds later with his reply.

_'ok son. Please eat something and sleep and don't come back to hospital tonight. Take your time like dr. denali told you to. Everyone understands. I love you. Dad'_

I smiled at his message and typed back again, maybe I didn't need to shut them all out completely like I had done in the past.

_'Thnx. Hows bella?'_

_'she's doing fine son. Concentrate on you.'_

_'culd u tel al I'll buy her dinner 2moz?'_

_'interesting development on the alice front. Jasper is taking her to dinner. Easy. Lol'_

My eyebrows rose more at the fact that Dad had used 'lol' in his text message. Wow. Jasper and Alice. Yeah, a slow smile spread across my face. I could see that working. His job was fucking dangerous and a problem but yeah I trusted him with little Alice. He was a good man and Alice deserved to be treated well for a change.

_'if jazz breaks my sister I break his face. Lol' _and sent that text to Alice with a chuckle.

_'take a chill pill, eddie. Ru ok? Al xxxxxxxxx'_

_'always ok, al. hav fun, be careful.'_

_'always am. Al xxxxxxxx'_

I slid my phone back into my pocket and poured out the soup in to a bowl to have with some bread. Except I didn't have any fresh bread so I grabbed a packet of crackers and headed back to the den. I ate in silence and thought about my day. I was a fucking ass. I screwed up and in front of Bella too. I hadn't even thought to look for her reaction before I was shoved out of the room. Had my anger shouts and cussing upset her more than she was? I bet it fucking had. I sighed and promised myself I'd never lose it in front of her again.

After clearing away my bowl I took a shower and I climbed into bed. Tired and ashamed. I wanted nothing more than to drive over to the hospital and sleep beside her again but I couldn't. Carlisle had said to stay away. I had to grant myself some time and let my demons in.

**Thank you for reading**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for all the reviews, they're great! And now for something completely different, thank you again for reading and reviwing. **

**Emmett's POV**

I watched wide eyed as Edward ran out of sight like a bat out of hell. What the fuck? I mean, yeah I knew he had issues with that kind of shit but – I frowned and looked to the security dude at my side who was shaking his with laughter.

Seeing that – well fuck that had put a stop to my own temper tantrum. Eddie was the king of cool. The Doc. The golden boy. What. The. Fuck?

Then a thought hit me in the chest. Bella.

I pushed into the room. I'd deserted my little sis when she needed me and now fucking Edward had too. The one guy who could chill her out some.

"What's happening?" I asked Jazz. He had his arms around Alice who was crying. I could hear her sniffles into his chest and I patted her shoulder.

"I am trying to talk the doctor here out of sedating Isabella," Carlisle said.

He was stood between Bella and the doctor. The doctor looked pissed. Bella looked like she was fucking possessed. That that chick from that film The Exorcist except minus the green spew and fucked up head spinning thing. It really fucking hurt to watch her like this. I couldn't do a thing about it either. My fists weren't going to get us out of this one. Neither is all the shit I learnt in rehab about talking things out and embracing pains energy and putting it to good use. How the fuck do I talk it out if she can hardly speak? I mean shit, I had gotten through to Rosalie with my charm and all my therapy know how. I couldn't do that with little Bella.

"Rose," my girl was sitting in the corner. She wasn't crying but she looked upset. My brave girl. She was my fucking world and she knew more about what Bella had suffered than any of us. No she hadn't been held captive but some of the violence Rose knew all about.

"I'm here baby," she said slowly.

I nodded and mouthed 'good girl'. I had to keep my calm for once. Edward wasn't here. That meant I had to do something to get that needle away from my sisters arm. In a non-violent way. Okay, fuck here goes.

"You know-," I clicked my tongue on the roof of my mouth and circled the bed to stand side by side with Carlisle, "When my sister went missing-," this earnt a whimper from Bella, "I used to have nightmares. Real fucked up shit about being in small enclosed spaces. I was just a kid so I didn't know what they meant, you know?" I cocked my head at the doctor.

"Go on," he said with a defeated sigh.

"If a kid came in here and they were having nightmares what'd you tell him? From your professional opinion?"

"I would review their diet and sleep pattern. I would more than likely prescribe melatonin and refer the child to a therapist."

"So you wouldn't prescribe any sleeping pills? Or any of that shit?"

"No," he shook his head, "The problem is not sleep, it's the quality of sleep."

"And Bella's been sleeping, right?"

"She has."

"So how's come you're wanting to give her that shit? Just give her the melatonin."

The doctor looked from me to Carlisle.

"He has a valid point," Carlisle smiled and shrugged. I could hear and feel Bella begin to calm down a little and I smiled inwardly. She gets it.

"Fine," the doctor threw up his hands and shook his head, "Fine. No more sedatives."

"Hoor-fucking-ray," I smirked.

"I will have the nurse administer the melatonin. I will be back in an hour and I would suggest you clear the room out of people, Emmett. And in future please inform me when you decide to tell my patient something traumatic enough to warrant this kind of reaction," he nodded and turned on his designer heels and fucked off.

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath, "I shoulda gone to med school with Eddie," I beamed.

"You're an ass," Rose laughed lightly. She stood and approached the bed and took Bella's hand in hers, "the fuckwit doctor has gone now Bella," she said quietly, "It's okay now."

"Edward?" she sniffed.

"Edward's been a naughty boy but he will be back," I quickly added so not to worry her. I sank down in the chair and tried a go at taking her other hand. She didn't seem to mind, "so you're stuck with me and Rose."

"I'm tried – I'm sorry," Bella said shakily, "I'm tired."

"Close your eyes and sleep," Rose urged her, "We will be here when you wake up."

"You won't let them back?" she asked.

I had no fucking clue who 'them' was but I could take a good fucking guess. No one was going near my baby sister ever again.

"I promise, Bells," I suddenly felt brave and I reached over and kissed her cheek, "Your big bros here and no one's going to fuck with you again, got it?"

"Got it," she replied wearily, her eyes already half closed.

"Sleep well," Rosalie kissed her cheek too and she beamed a huge smile over at me. This was progress. The first proper progress in fucking ages.

"You heard the doctor, everybody out except Emmett and Rosalie," Carlisle smiled down and me and squeezed my shoulder, "I'm proud of you, son, that was impressive."

I nodded and watched them leave.

Rosalie and I stared at one another once Bella's breathing got more even and I knew she was finally asleep. I was worried. Rosalie was worried. Her soft blue eyes filled with tears and fuck – my girl was the strongest person I knew but when she cried, shit it was like my whole life was crumbling. She and the Cullen's had been all I'd had for a very long time. My sobriety and business didn't mean shit without them by my side to enjoy it with me. They were my family and now – I sighed and watched Rose wipe a lone tear that slid down her flawless cheek – now I had Bella back. It was a headfuck. I'd always daydreamed about a day when my little sister was found. This might make me sound like a pussy but it had always been full of laughter and smiles and hugs and kisses and this big Hollywood crescendo shit . Not a dry eye in the house.

I never imagined this. Fucking truthfully I never really imagined we'd find her again. I really thought she was lost for good. The big reunion was just a mindless fantasy of mine.

I didn't know what the fuck to do for the best. I was with Bella all the way , you know? She had my heart and my protection, I'd give her everything if I knew it was going to get her well again. Truth is though, the girl was not my little sister. She wasn't Bells anymore. She was a frightened, lost stranger. And that fucking cunt had done this to her.

I wasn't fucking stupid either. I knew that bastard was here in the hospital. Jazz had shot him. There's no fucking way he was out of here yet. And I knew Edward had treated him too. I didn't blame him. I could never fucking hate Edward for doing his job, he loved his job and he loved people. He had no fucking choice, right? But I did blame him. James. Of course I fucking did. What human being in their right minds does that shit to someone? A poor defenceless girl? He killed my family. He didn't outright murder my folks but he was the reason they were fucking dead. He not only destroyed Bella he crushed me too.

"Em," Rosalie's voice drifted into my thoughts, "are you alright?"

"Yeah," I grunted through gritted teeth.

"The vein in your forehead is popping," she whispered.

"He's here in the hospital," I hissed.

"Who?" Rosalie blinked.

"James."

"Oh," Rosalie tilted her head to one side, "Do you know where?"

"No but I can fucking find out," I muttered.

"Okay," she nodded, "I'm with you, babe. All the way." She nodded thankful she was. Grateful she got it. Edward may have taken a Hippocratic oath but I sure as hell hadn't.

**Alice's POV**

It was good to be home. Don't get me wrong, New York is fabulous but there is nothing like home where your family and friends are. New York was huge compared to Forks and to be totally honest a little overwhelming. People were brash and rude and you can never be sure of someone, not like you can with a person you have known for all of your life, or at least is acquainted with someone who can vouch for them. Too many times I had put my trust in someone only to find they were, for want of a better word an asshole. I don't usually swear but the last guy I dated had been.

I shuddered as I heaved one of my suitcases from the carousel and waiting for the second. How do you know if you are going to get hurt if you don't know their background, I wondered? I trusted too quickly, that was my problem, maybe I should hold myself back a little and see if a little mystery and distance would help me snag a decent man. Or I could change my hair. Dye it or grow it. Maybe I should have a complete makeover and become a new and improved Alice. Brood some and not invest all of my energy and happiness into one person. Play the field. Yes! I should play the field! I could get lessons from Edward whilst I was home. He was very good at dating women and empty promises when it came to affairs of the heart.

My brother dated for a few months and then he was onto the next mindless girl. He never introduced us either which really annoyed me. I had always wanted a sister but he never seemed to want to include us in that part of his life.

I guess there was Rosalie. I loved her like a sister but she never got excited about the same stuff that I did. She was more interested in getting all greasy and oily underneath a sports car. Her nails were a disaster! I will book us into the beauticians and treat us to a manicure whilst I was home. Esme could come too and Bella.

Oh Bella. I was so excited to meet her. I know Dad had said she wasn't very well on the telephone but what girl didn't like a little pampering to lift their spirits and feel human again? Seriously, if I'm ever ill I head out for a spa day and I feel instantly better.

"Alice!" a familiar voice called out to me from the gate and I squealed, yes I squealed as I saw my mother stretched up on tippy toes to catch my attention in the arrivals rush.

"Esme!" I ran to her as fast as my two heavy suicses would let me and I jumped into her arms as she span me round in a firm hug, "Oh wow, you look terrific. I've missed you, Mom. Are you wearing Guess shoes? Tell me that isn't faux suede!"

"Alice," Esme cupped my face in her hands and kissed the tip of my nose, "Take a breath, honey."

"Okay," I took one breath and then launched into another string of excited questions. I needed to know everything. How was Dad? How was Emmett? Was Rosalie behaving herself? Why didn't Esme have any nail varnish on her fingernails? Why oh why had she brought the Porsche when the sedan would have been so much more comfortable for me to curl up in whilst we chatted and gossiped?

"Have you taken your meds today, baby?" Esme's eyes narrowed and I nodded excitedly. My ADHD always went into overdrive when I was excited and somewhere new. Not like Forks was new but it was a change of scenery from New York. I couldn't wait to get home and see my bedroom. I missed the space and fresh air so very much.

"Mom, what's the matter? Why aren't you as excited to see me as I am to see you?" I asked her, now sat in the low Porsche and turning out of the airport parking lot.

"I'm sorry," Esme said quietly, "I am sorry for being so subdued, it's-," she sighed and turned the radio down.

"What is it, mom?" I frowned.

"I am so worried about Bella Swan," she admitted, "And poor Emmett-," her voice wavered and I watched her trying to concentrate on the road.

"Mom, let me drive, I'm not as wired as you think I am," I said softly, "Please let me drive."

"It's okay, little on2," Esme smiled wanly, "It is good to have a distraction."

"How bad is it?" I asked.

"It's bad," she sighed, "Very bad. Your father, he- I don't think I ever seen him so distressed and poor Edward – he is shouldering a lot of the responsibility and I am not sure he will hold out for much longer but you know your brother, he likes to deal in his own time and on his terms."

"I can help," I said determinedly, "please let me help with anything."

"Actually-," Esme looked at me briefly before turning back to the road, "There is something extremely important I would like your help with. Or should I say someone-."

"You got it! You name it and I'm there. I just want to help," I nodded firmly.

For the rest of the drive home Esme told me all about Jasper. I had heard Edward mention his name a few times before and I knew he was a cop and a good friend. I had never met him though, I had waited for years to meet him but school and his work and lots of different reasons had meant we always missed each other. I had waited a long time to be introduced to him and now I was going to be I was suddenly excited. But then – I was excited about everything, I thought to myself with a giggle.

As Mom explained that he was staying with us because he'd been the policeman to find Bella and to shoot out the man who had taken her. He shouldn't be alone right now and agreed whole heartedly. I was shocked when Esme described his night terrors to me. She needed my help because she was exhausted waking up every few hours each night to sit with him and mop his fevered brow. I was surprized Edward had not tried to help him but Mom explained he was at the hospital all of the time with Emmett and Bella.

"He needs a friend," Esme said softly, "Not some wrinkled old fossil like me."

"You are not wrinkled! And you are not an old fossil!" I exclaimed. Esme was one of the most beautiful women I had seen. She looked more like my sister than my Mother. She could grace any catwalk in New York she was that stunning and tall and graceful.

"What I mean is, he needs you," Esme patted my hand and brought it over to the gear shift with hers, so she wouldn't have to break contact. I smiled. She always used to do that when we were little and I was allowed to ride up front for a treat.

"I will do my best, Mom," I smiled, "Now, I know you're going to go postal for me doing this and I could do with a lecture about lung cancer but I really need a cigarette can we pull over please?"

"Oh Alice," Esme sighed with a smile of amusement.

Being back in Forks told me how much I missed being back at home. I loved it here. It was so – open! So much space and so much air to breath. I definitely wanted to settle here once I have my degree certificate. I didn't care that there was not a fashion community, I would make one and who says that I can't set up a little studio here and make fabulous clothes to my hearts content. I would get a little appartment maybe and a dog. I've always wanted a dog and I can dress it up in a pink collar and – yes! We were home.

Esme pulled the car up on our houses huge drive way. I noticed the unfamiliar jeep that was parked up beside Daddy's Sedan and I smiled. It was filthy. The first thing I would have Jasper do is to clean his wheels. I had decided to tire Jasper out so much in the next few days we would spend together that he would be so exhausted he would fall into a deep sleep that not even the nightmares could penetrate. That meant shopping. A trip to Emmett's gym, hiking, bike rides and restaurants and -.

"Alice!" Carlisle appeared on the porch and he spread his arms out wide for me. I let out a yelp and sprinted towards him, throwing my own arms around his waist and laughing into his chest as he folded me into an embrace, "How are you, baby?" he whispered into my hair, "how was your flight?"

"It was boring, they showed some action pack man's film and the woman sat next to me slept the whole time, it was very frustrating!"

Carlisle chuckled and kissed my forehead, "It is good to have you home."

Once he had helped bring in my suitcases, grumbling about how much stuff I needed for just a few short weeks we sat up at the kitchen work counter drinking tea and catching up. I noticed both Carlisle and Esme had a tired, defeated look on their faces and I wondered how much of an impact this girl Bella was having on my usually cheery family. I myself had seen how much the girls disappearance had effected Emmett and Edward as they became close friends and then as Esme and Carlisle toiled for hours trying to help Charlie and Renee Swan but – I sighed and tried to think of a solution. It was odd that my parents should be so miserable about recent events, after all she was found now! It was sad, from what Esme had told me in the car it was extremely sad. I wanted to see Edward, I need to know that he was okay.

"Where is Jasper?" I asked of them. I wanted to get started on the mission Esme had entrusted to me.

"He's out back," Carlisle exchanged a strange look with Mom and shrugged.

"Okay," I hopped down from the bar stool and decided there was no time like the present.

"Alice, wait, he's speaking with his uncle on the telephone, I think he may like a little privacy," Carlisle called after me.

"Oh pur-leease, when was I ever granted any privacy in this house! Jasper!"

I skipped out through the den and tried to see him through the huge floor to ceiling windows that looked out on the decking and then the yard. It was drizzling out so he couldn't have gone far. I didn't take a jacket outside with me, wanting to coax the cowboy back inside for tea and then -.

"No! Seth! I'm not going back there!" I heard a deep southern voice cry.

I frowned and turned the corner taking the steps down towards Esme's herb garden. As I got closer I could his deep voice carrying on the wind as it got louder and more veracious.

"You don't understand! Y'all sat down there in the sun and- no! how many more times do I have to say this shi-."

Jasper came into view. He had his back to me and he was wearing a pair of denim's and a checked beaten up shirt. He seriously needed to go shopping. It was frayed at the edges and the yolk was all misshapen and – I frowned at his unkempt hair that curled at the back of his neck, he needed a hair cut too.

"I don't know, Pop, work with Emmett or something, I just know I can't do the job anymore not after-," and he turned. I gasped. He was – oh my goodness he was beautiful. Tanned and tall with a mop of curly dirty blonde hair. It was – his eyes met mine and my heart pulled me towards him. It was like something had exploded in my chest and a massive grin spread across my face.

I started to step towards him walking more slowly than I have ever walked in my life. It was all slow motion, something I had never experienced in my constant hyperactive state. I watched the cell phone in his hand slip from his fingers and it danced down to the ground rather than fell. His thin mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide. I could see every silvery white scar on his skin and he was beautiful. He was – beautiful.

"Alice?" he said quietly.

I felt happy tears sting my throat and eyes and I couldn't believe it. I had never gone for that whole love at first sight thing. I always though Carlisle and Esme were exaggerating when they said how bonded they were the moment their eyes met. I laughed at their romantic stories. I had laughed like a cynical idiot. But here I was. Staring at the man I knew I was going to marry.

"Oh Alice," Jasper's face crumpled and I watched him break down in front of me, falling to his knees.

That is when the real motion kicked in. I rushed to him and let him hug my waist as he cried. I wound my fingers into his dirty hair and I was home. I was truly home for the first time ever.

"Oh Jasper," I cried with him feeling his pain, ","I've been waiting for you. What took you so long?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Bella's POV**

I was dreaming. I had to be. It was light. Bright but – normal. Sunny and warm and leaves were rustling in the distance with a refreshing cool breeze. I hadn't felt a breeze in a long time. It felt good. The long grass under my feet and tickling at my bare legs felt nice. Butterflies and bumblebees zoomed everywhere in all sort of directions and I tried to keep up with their erratic flying but they were too fast for my slow eyes. I could hear voices like low murmurings of words that I could not make out but that was okay. It was comforting to hear. Like music. But – I smiled, I really smiled, the corners of my mouth stretching upwards towards the sun.

I decided I liked the sun and I liked this tree lined field. It felt a little bit like heaven. Maybe it was heaven. There were no shadows. No dark. Just flowers and sunbeams and peace. I liked peace.

Wandering forward I saw a man leaning up against one of the trees. He was tailored white shirt and his tanned arms were crossed over his chest. He was bare foot and wearing battered jeans. He – he looked like an angel with a glow of white and gold around him. Was that his aura I wondered? Or a celestial thing? He had a shock of amber hair and eyes that burnt into my very soul as they met mine. I could see his heart and it shone a vivid gold. With each beat it grew brighter and bolder. True. He had a true heart. He must be an angel. I longed for him to speak. But he didn't. He remained by the tree looking me over, watching over me.

I took a step towards him once more. His heart was beating faster and I wanted to rest my hand on it to see if I could feel the beat in my fingers. As I neared he shook his head once and the heart, it slowed. The colour seemed to fade and – clouds – they gathered and the sun was masked from view. The grey of the clouds now matched his ash heart.

No. What? No he was my angel. Was he dying before my eyes? No he couldn't be. I opened my mouth to call to him, warn him but my jaw would not move. No – please – please don't leave me. My angel, don't go -.

He shook his head as rain started to patter down onto our meadow and his eyes left mine and grew erratic and scared at something beyond me – something over my shoulder.

I turned to see what was distressing him so and – no please- not here, it had been so special and now it was being ruined – he was here. How did he find me? Why did he come here. Here, of all places.

"Scream for me," a sick, low voice punctured straight to my chest, "Scream, bitch, scream."

I could see his heart in his chest and it was black. It was beating in time with my screams and it oozed thick black blood that reeked of hate and evil. No – Not here, not in front of my angel.

"On your knees, whore," James started to laugh, "kneel at my feet and I shall reward you."

I screamed. I writhed and I called out for my Mom. I called for my Dad and my brother and I called out for Edward to help me but he wouldn't. He couldn't.

"Bella."

"No – no – NO!"

"Bella, you're having a bad dream, open your eyes, love."

Love. It was him. My angel, he was talking, he had come to save me.

"Come back to me, Bella. Open your eyes and you'll see there's nothing to be scared of here," I felt electricity run up and down my arm and I realised he had moved from the tree and was by my side as James pumped in and out of me on the cool wet grass. He was helping me. My angel would not grant James his screams.

"Shhhhh, easy, take it easy," he pulled me now. I slid from under James and his black heart. I was being dragged out of the shadows by two strong, loving hands and I was – the sun. The sun was coming back and the clouds were parting ways for a blue sky.

"Edward," I sighed, "Don't leave me. Thank you, thank you. Please don't leave me alone."

"I won't, my love. I am right here," the ground quaked under me and I was suddenly surrounded by his warmth. It felt nice and it tasted sweet. The black sticky James blood was being washed away now and my angel lay with me, keeping me safe, silencing my screams.

"Your heart," I sighed sleepily and I rested my hand on his chest, "It shines."

I heard him chuckle softly and his hand rested over mine and we felt his heartbeat together. Pressing his lips to my temple, "Would you like to talk about your dream?"

"I'm still dreaming," I muttered into his chest.

"No, love, open your eyes, you're awake now."

I opened my eyes like he said. The light was still bright but unlike my dream it stung my eyes and the dull ache of my body started to throb with a more distinct stinging pain. Everything hurt. Not like before, it wasn't burning, I was used to pain but as it healed it took on a new quality. I had never been allowed enough time to heal before.

Edward was lying beside me. He had his legs up on the bed flush with mine and everything. My eyes widened at him. He was holding me. He – I began to shake a little bit but he 'shhhhh'ed in my ear and told me to relax. I relaxed and the pain started again.

"Where do you feel it?" he asked me quietly.

"All," I gasped as it rolled down my back to the backs of my legs.

"Okay, love. I'll get you some pain meds," he shifted off of the bed and even that hurt. He left and I was alone – with a shadow. He was lurking in the corner taunting me and with every low tormented word he spoke the pain got worse. It was blinding. It hurt so bad.

"No-," I moved but the hot stabs in my side screamed at me. Don't scream – I willed myself. Do not scream, "No! Get out! Get off – of me!" I panted.

"Bella," Edward rushed back in, "What's the matter?"

"He's here," I cried, "Make him – g- go, he's here he's -."

"Where is he?" Edward pushed something into my IV and I felt the effects immediately as it crept up and down my arm and then rushed into the rest of my body.

"The corner," I started to crawl up the bed as James loomed, "he's in the corner."

"Close your eyes, Bella," Edward soothed a cool hand over my forehead, "and when you open them in a minute he'll be gone. I'll get him out of here for you."

"I'm scared," I whispered quietly.

"I know," Edward leaned in closer, "But I'm here now and I'll get him to go away forever."

I nodded and I closed my eyes and prayed Edward could do that even for a little bit.

**Edward's POV**

Bella closed her eyes and I quickly motioned for the nurse hovering in the doorway to hand me the plate of instruments I had asked her for.

I had been back at the hospital for a few weeks now. My boss in the ER had granted me a leave of absence after hearing about the incident in the ICU and that took a lot of the pressure off. I had slipped into a routine. I made sure I got at least eight hours sleep a night and in my own bed. I couldn't stay with Bella twenty four hours a day and the doctor in me was telling my masochistic, obsessive was telling me Bella needed to be able to rely on herself. If I was always there to wipe away her tears and pander to her every need she will never learn to stand on her own two feet.

Carlisle was compiling a list of shrinks for Bella and I to go through when she was feeling better. I wasn't sure how it would be received but hell, I needed to see my shrink for the last month so Bella definitely needed a professional to talk to.

I was sleeping properly and eating properly. I would spend an hour at the gym before driving to the hospital to say good morning to Bella. Like today. I arrived to find her in the throes of a nightmare. Instead of beating myself up for not being there, I simply climbed into bed with her. I climbed into bed with her! It could have gone either one of two ways and thankfully she hadn't freaked and she had taken comfort in my arms.

I kind of knew it was sort of sick of me. I loved being close to Bella. She – I don't know, she grounded me. There was something about her touch and her drew me in. I was starting to accept this strange connection we had. It didn't seem so weird now I was coming every day and we'd slipped into his coming and going routine.

"Bella," I whispered ghosting a hand down her clammy face, "I'm going to have the nurse come and change your sheets and clean you up a little bit, would that be okay?"

She sighed and shook her head, her hand finding my shirt again. She was bleeding from somewhere and I think she'd disturbed her catheter or something during her lively dream – I could smell urine and I sighed with her. She shouldn't have to be this undignified or embarrassed in this way, helpless. I wondered whether it would be a good idea to have the catheter taken out, she would be able to go to bathroom now with some help.

"D-don't leave me," she asked of me. How could I deny her anything when she asked me so sweetly.

"I won't leave you," I motioned for the nurse again and she hurried in with a wheelchair, "can you remove her catheter for me whilst I stitch her back." Her back. I shuddered. She'd pulled those stitches too many times to count though. The scars are going to be horrific, the scars already there were deep welts and – fuck, I shook my head and took a deep, calming breath.

"Bella, open your eyes now. James isn't here, I promise and I need you awake for a little while longer."

She opened her eyes and looked up at me.

"The nurse is going to remove your catheter for you, I think you're strong enough to start becoming more mobile, love," I nodded my encouragement, "Then I'm going to fix up your back and then- I waggled my eyebrows playfully, "would you like a bath and your hair washed?"

Her eyebrows knitted with worry.

"It may sting for a little while but you will feel so much better and bed baths are shit, aren't they?"

"Not her," Bella shot the nurse a look, "I don't -," she cleared her throat I know she was trying to be brave, "I can do it myself."

"No, love. Someone has to be there to help you, I'm afraid."

A tear slid down her face and watched it trail a haphazard bumpy path down her scars and stitches, "shit," she dipped her head and I tilted mine with her. That was the first time I'd heard Bella swear.

"Who would you like me to help you?" I asked her quietly.

"Pl-please," she whispered, "- you saw already. I – I trust you," she stuttered.

I nodded and then turned to the nurse. Oh shit. This was wrong, so very wrong but-, "Okay so let's get this over with and then Bella and I are taking a bath," I plastered a false grin on my face and arched an eyebrow at the nurse, praying she could read my thoughts. I was completely uncomfortable with this but – shit I was stuck, I just wanted to make Bella happy. And if that meant me bathing her then fuck it. I was a doctor. I could do it. I'd seen it all before. Hell, I'd stitched up her most intimate parts but this was different she was lucid now. She was Bella.

The nurse made quick work of removing the uncomfortable catheter and then I stitched up the few cuts on Bella's back. The rest had healed well and I inspected them, noting to keep an eye on the jutting rib bone I was sure was still broken. I gently passed a hand over a still black hand print on her lower back. It was smaller than mine, in fact – I frowned. It looked like a woman's hand print.

A woman's hand print?

I decided I would not ask Bella about it now. She was quite calm at the moment and I wanted her to stay that way for her bath.

Carefully I lifted her from the bed and into a waiting wheel chair. I was shocked at how light she felt in my arms. She needed feeding up.

"Okaaay," I smiled down at her placing a kiss on her hair, "I'm going to get some shampoo and a cover for that leg. I'll be right back. Feels good to be out of that bed, huh?"

Bella nodded. She was holding herself awkwardly. It was the first time I'd seen her out of the bed and fully sat up. She wasn't double over but she was leaning to one side at a strange angle. I decided I'd ask her to stand for me in the bathroom so I could check her alignment.

"Hey Eddie," Jasper and Alice were walking through the reception with a huge bouquet of flowers and holding hands as I ducked of the room to get some supplies.

I smiled. They had been inseparable ever since Alice had come home and – weirdly I was okay with it. I'd never seen Al so happy and she was always a pretty happy person most of the time anyway. She beamed with light and love and I was happy for them. Jazz was what Alice needed and Alice was what Jazz needed. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought they'd make the perfect couple before.

"Awe, young love's dream," I bumped fists with Jazz and leant down to kiss Alice's cheek.

"Where are you off to looking so doctor like?" Alice smiled, "Is Bella okay? Is she awake? We bought her daisy's, they're lovely aren't they? They will make her room smell sooo good."

"They are very pretty," I nodded, "why don't you two go and have a coffee or something, come back in an hour."

"What's up?" Jasper frowned.

"Did she have another anxiety attack? Ohhh," Alice's face fell and I loved her for it, she cared for Bella just like everyone else did.

"No, not really," I clasped a hand behind the back of my neck, "I'm – uh – just you know," I grimaced. Shit, why didn't I want to tell them I was going to bathe her? Because it was ethically wrong that's why.

"Edward," Alice warned me.

"I'm going to give Bella a bath," I said in a rush, "And wash her hair for her. She's all grubby and – fuck, okay I know how it sounds but I really think that she would- and she asked me and- ."

"Edward," Jasper placed a hand on my shoulder to stop my gabbling, "That's a great idea, man."

"Would you like me to help?" Alice asked suddenly animated again, "I could wash her hair and condition it and I have this awesome serum for afterwards, I could ask Esme to being it in from home, it makes your hair so silky smooth."

"I think Bella would like just me," I muttered quietly. Alice would freak the fuck out if she saw Bella's body. And I was sure Bella would freak out if Alice got upset.

"Coffee," Jasper nodded and steered Alice quietly away, winking at me with a comforting smile.

"We'll be back!" Alice called over her shoulder, "With the serum and tell Bella I'm going to paint her tootsies and you take care of my little sister, big bro or-," her voice drifted off as they turned the corner. I couldn't help but chuckle at Alice and her enthusiasm.

Buoyed up by their positive reaction to the news I was going to wash Bella I shot to the supplies cupboard and filled my arms with the stuff nurses usually used for this kind of thing. I grabbed a large plaster cast protector and some extra swabs and towels, rushing back to her room.

I found Bella talking with the nurse, or rather the nurse was talking and Bella was listening. She wasn't crying or shaking. She wasn't saying anything, she just sat and listened intently, so intently she didn't hear me enter the room.

"- so I said to him 'what about that scarf?' and do you know what he replied with? He said why not babe and slung it around his waist and shoulder toga style and sashayed off down the ward with a sass in his step!" The nurse giggled. She was sat on the newly made bed swinging her feet underneath her, "I swear, _I_ have never seen the doctors laugh so hard in my life! And you know these doctors, they're miserable so and so's, isn't that right Doctor Cullen?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes, "I guess sometimes we have a lapse of good humour yes," I winked down at Bella and she smiled.

"Okay then," the nurse hopped down from the bed, "may I have a word, Edward? Before you get started?"

"Sure," I placed everything down on the bed and assured Bella I would be back. I wondered if the nurse wanted to discourage me or remind me that this was all kinds of strange, "what is it?" I asked her impatiently.

She folded her arms around me, quite suddenly that it surprised me I wasn't sure whether to hug back or not.

"What you do for Bella is nothing short of amazing," she said quietly, "You have more strength than most men."

"Oh – uh – thanks," I replied awkwardly.

"You have a heart of gold," she pinched my cheek and winked before walking to the nurses' station humming some pop song. I watched the older woman and allowed myself a small smile.

"Are you ready, love?" I quietly entered Bella's room and smiled down at her to reassure her. She was worrying the hem of her hospital gown, slowly circling a speck of blood that must have flecked from where she had torn her back open again. Her little fingers shook a little and she was biting her blackened lip over her bottom teeth, "If you'd prefer a bed bath I can call back the nurse an-."

"No, no," she said quietly, "My hair feels icky."

"Icky huh?" I crouched down in front of her chair and held the arms for balance, "as long as you are sure, if you feel uncomfortable or panicky or scared at any time tell me. Will you promise me that?"

She nodded and bit her still blackened lip. Carefully I brushed my thumb along it and smiled softly wanting to put her at ease, "good girl."

I wheeled her out of the room and I was expecting her to become more distressed as we left the confines of her room but she didn't seem to. A few of the nurses nodded in our direction as we passed and I noticed patients and visitors in the halls giving us a wide birth. I guess I had got so used to Bella's appearance I didn't find it scary anymore, I understood what provoked the stares but fuck, it wasn't catching you know?

Once we reached the bathroom the nurses used to bathe patients I quickly started to fill the bath up. I poured in a capful of antiseptic and another cap of unscented bubble bath. I didn't want this to be a sterile experience for Bella, she deserved to feel pampered and looked after. I checked the temperature with my elbow like I would a baby and I added some more cold water.

"Ready?" I held my hands out to Bella, palms up, "Up you get."

She stared at me like I was insane.

"I want you to stand for me, rest your weight on both of your legs, your cast can take it. It won't hurt I promise," I proffered her my hands again and tentatively she started to stand. Her legs shook a little with lack of strength and I could see how wasted her muscles were. I would have to talk to the physiotherapy department in the hospital and have them help build her up again.

"Good girl," I praised her once she had straightened her back, her tiny hands clasping onto mine for dear life. She was small in height, probably lack of sunlight and mal nourishment had stunted her growth – the top of her head was just level my collar bone, "Can I lift off your gown?" I asked her quietly. She nodded, her eyes cast down.

"Wait," she said slowly before my hands had even touched her, "Is- is the door locked?"

"It is, love," I affirmed.

Carefully, I bunched the hospital gown at the hem and gently lifted it from her body. I was careful not to let it snag on her stitches and I moved her hair from the back of her neck before bringing it completely over her head.

I seriously tried not to let the sight of her naked body shock me. I didn't want it to show on my face – I really fucking couldn't conceieve of another person doing this to someone. There wasn't a part of her that wasn't marked in some way. Either with a dent where bones had been shattered or a bruise, or scars, angry red of silvery in the low light of the room. I hadn't noticed she had several townails missing from her foot before- just like I had failed to miss the awkward angle of her right knee.

"I- I – sto-," she was starting to shake. I had taken too long assessing her body.

"I'm sorry, my love," I whispered shakily, blinking back tears, "before you get in the tub I just want to check one more thing. Would be that be okay?"

She nodded. Her eyes still trained on the floor.

"Are you standing straight?" I asked her, "You aren't shying away from the pain in your ribs?"

She shook her head.

"This is how you stand usually?" I asked her. She nodded silently, "Okay," I carefully put the cast protector over her leg and I decided against asking her to lower herself in the bathtub herself. I lifted her into my arms and eased her down into the lukewarm water. She hissed with pain, "I know it sting, Bella, I know, love. It'll go away in a little while."

"Wh-Why?" she stuttered out. I watched a tear track down her face.

"The antiseptic I put into the wat-."

"No," she shook her head, "Why- why did I ha- have to stand str-straight? Wha- what do you m-mean?"

"Your posture is a little off kilter," I told her. I knelt beside the bath and brought up a sponge to clean off the dried blood on her back. I count down the pronounced bums of her spine. Three were out of alignment.

"Oh o-okay," she whispered.

I worked quickly and gently. She was silent and so I was, as we both cried. I couldn't help it. As me and my sponge explored her body I found new and nastier lasting injuries.

She began to relax a little. I think. Especially when I massaged her scalp with shampoo and carefully washed it away with jugs of clean, warm water.

"We need to talk, Bella," I said, taking advantage of her soothed mood and the privacy of the bathroom, "The state are going to want to start building a case against James and I need to know if you are ready for that?"

She stiffened and was completely still for what felt like an eternity.

"Ask – ask me," she whispered quietly.

She turned her head to me and her eyes locked woth mine. They swam with deep, tortured pain. She had been through so much already and now I was asking her to relive it. I rested back on my knees and held her hand underneath the water.

"What happened to you?" I whispered, tiliting my head and hating my weak tears.

Bella brought her other hand up out of the water, it sloshing and then the tell tale drips hitting the water, as she reached and cupped my face with her hand. I leaned my face into it and closed my eyes. She felt so warm. She felt right against my skin.

"What happened to you?" I shakily repeated.

"I – I saw a boy," Bella started, "a-and I fell in love – th-there and then, looking –do down at him from my w-wi-window. My angel – my angel kept me alive, y-you were in my heart, Edward, my am – amber haired b-boy."

"Oh shit," I screwed up my face and willed my tears away.

"At f-f-f-f fi-," Bella too a deep breath and swallowed, "at first I thought I wa-was being –silly. Bu – but when James ca-came for m- me, you were there," she sighed out in a rush, "y-you helped me bl-block hi- him out. Yo-you sang to me. Y- you held me wh-whe-when they left me alone. Y-you- you kept me a-a-alive. I- I – didn't e-e-ev-even know your name."

"So you feel this too then?" I covered her hand with mine and gazed into her eyes, "Whatever this is?"

She nodded her head and swallowed.

"From the very start?"

She nodded again.

"Will you -," I cleared my throat and sighed, "Bella, my love, you have to get better. I couldn't bare it if you didn't. My heart – it's already aching for you. Please, get better. Let us help you get better?"

"I will try," she said slowly.

"Will you help me understand this?" I motioned between us.

"I will try."

"Will you help me understand what happened to you?"

"I will try," she whispered. Carefully, she removed her hand from my face and seemed to curl into herself some more under the water, "I – I – don't know where – where to start." She muttered.

"How about the beginning," I smoothed some wet hair away from her face, "What happened after ballet class that day? Where did you go?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everyone. **

**Thank you so much for the reviews and story recs and alerts and kind words. A few people have said it's hard to read which it is hard to write, I do tend dwell and concentrate on the dark but rest assured, it is going to get better... **

**Thank you again and seeing as I have reached pver 40 reviews send me some love for them both or questions so Dr. Edward and I'll do a little question and answer chapter. **

**Edward's POV**

I watched Bella as she fiddled with her wet hair and bit her lip and did everything to distract herself from what I think she was about to tell me. Was I ready for this? I had heard bits from Jazz but Jazz had only been there at the end. I could see her story written into her pale skin but – fuck, could I hold it together alone in this locked room with no escape? With my girl naked in the bath, my Bella who relied on calm to keep herself from completely losing it?

I'd been imaging all sorts horrors after Jasper had told me how he had found Bella. He seemed to be under the impression James had kept her locked away all these years but half of me didn't think that could be true. Who could endure all of that?

"I-," Bella sniffed and jerked her head as if remembering a memory she wanted to get out of her head. I nodded encouragingly, wondering what I could do to ease this for her somehow. I needed to know. I didn't want to but I needed to. If the things she had said about falling in love with me were true, the goddess from the window, I really had to fucking know no matter how ugly or twisted. How could I possibly help Bella get well if I didn't know what I was dealing with.

"James – he took me," Bella huffed out, "I – I was wa-waiting for my mom on the sidewalk – they were sh-shutting the ballet studio early – a-a-and I had to wait on the curb. Mom was late. She was al-al-always late. I – I didn't want to go with him- I swear, Edward, I didn't want to go – but – bu- but he said he knew Emm-emmett. He knew wh-where we lived and he could – co-could give me a ride. I didn't want to go, you have to believe me, I said no- I sai-said Renee was go-going to be here any second but – but," she screwed her eyes shut and started to shake. Carefully I wound my arm around her shoulders, "but he got out of the car. He look-looked so mean and – his eyes. They were – de-dead. He- took me. He st-stuck something in my ne-neck and I tried to say no, Edward. I ha-had my phone – I was rea-ready to call Emmett and he – in my neck and – I woke up in there."

Her eyes were wide as saucers now. I knew she was there right now. Her eyes glazed over and her face became expressionless.

This was a really bad fucking idea. I shouldn't be making her talk about this. She didn't have to but here I was pressing for details like some sick fuck and -.

"The-there were-," she swallowed and blinked, "bodies. Women. In the room. They were piled in the c-corner- woman, naked gi-girls. And women and – it smelt like death – it smelt li-like hell and I screamed. I-I've nev-never seen a dead body before and there were do-dozens of them. Oh Edward," her face crumpled, "Th-those poor girl."

I carefully made comforting circles on her arm and urged her to go on. The doctor in me had noticed how she stuttered upon every other word. The doctor in me wanted to ask about the condition of the bodies, how they smelt like death. They must have been decomposing. Death doesn't smell at least for a few days.

"Ja-james – he wanted – he wanted me to kn-ow I was- wasn't – I wasn't going to get out alive. He pu-pushed my face int- into one of the girls neck. It was- maggots. There were maggots and f-flies and he stuck me –again. It was-wasn't black then – tho-though. It – it was drugs. I was-was high and – and those girls and James – he – he raped me for the first time – and –and," she started to cry harder, "and – he hit me and - -I can't scream, I can't go back – I c-c-can't – can't."

"You aren't going back, Bella," I told her firmly, "I promise you, you will never have to go back there." I stood a little and without I taking my hand from hers I carefully helped her out of the bath before she got cold. I supported her the whole time and wrapped her into a towel.

"He-help me ex-explain," Bella shivered, "I – I don't know how. The words-."

"I don't want to do this here," I whispered gently brushing my mouth to her ear, "you don't feel safe here. You have already told me that. You can feel him here can't you?" she whimpered and nodded into my chest, "that's because –shit, Bella I don't want to lie to you but I don't want to scare you. I promise you are safe with me. Do you trust me?" she nodded, "You sense him because he is here. I'm sorry, love, he's here in the hospital."

Her body reacted immediately. It wasn't shaking, it was convulsing and she started to retch. Quickly I grabbed the waste paper bin from beneath the sink, letting go of her and she fell to the floor without me there to hold her up.

"Bella!" I caught her arm just before she hit the deck and she cried out in pain, "Shit, shit, sorry, I'm sorry -."

She slid to the floor and shook her head from side to side. I could have sworn she was humming something but as I got closer she went very quiet and stared at my from beneath the wet lank hair now covering her face.

"I'm sorry, tell me you don't hate me," I asked her. I cringed as she flinched away from my touch, "Love – I – I won't hurt you, Bella, I promise."

"I know," she whispered, "he-he's really here? I can't – I can't be here, Edward. I can't breathe with him – he-here. I can't be here, I can't scream – I ca-an't scream. I can't breeeathe."

"I know, I know," I cradled her in my arms and I felt her shift up onto my lap, her tiny wet body sticking to mine, "I know, my love. Shhhh, I will keep you safe. I'll take you some place safe."

I stood with her in my arms and I didn't think twice about what I was about to do. This place, this fucking toxic air that Bella was breathing sharing it with that cunt up in another hospital ward. Bella was never going to get well cooped up in a room just like she had been locked in that room under James guard.

I was taking her home and there wasn't shit anyone could do about it.

**Alice's POV**

Jasper. Jasper Whitlock. Big scary cop man. A man of the law. Wayward cop who doesn't play by the rules. I smiled to myself as I snuggled into his side and thought about the last few weeks we had spent together. I knew that this wasn't the time to be ecstatically happy and I really did feel Edwards pain and Emmett's and Bella's. I felt Jaspers too and I truly did sympathesize but my heart was swelling and my excitement at our fast paced relationship was off the charts. Oh boy. A bad ass cop of my very own.

He was built too. I didn't think I was the type of girl who went for chiselled guys but – shit! His body looked like it had been carved out of marble or something and he was so hard. He was solid muscle and sinewy limbs and I shivered at the feel of his muscles sliding under my hands as I explored every part of him. Could I be in love with this man already? After such a short space of time. I knew, oh how I knew that I jumped into things feet first without thinking about the consequences but this felt different. It was different. I had Jasper's heart already. He had told me as much and it wasn't a line.

That first day we met. That perfect yet heart breaking day I had held him in my arms as he wept he had told me everything. His fear. His needs and his past all wrapped up in a gorgeous southern package ready for me to unwrap. And unwrap I did.

Poor Carlisle and Esme. I sure hope they had not heard us as I can pretty vocal in the throes of passion. I could not care a wit at the time. I just wanted him, all of him. Sex, cuddles, love, his past his present and his future. Jasper Whitlock.

I grinned into his bare chest and chucked a leg over his long on, climbing up his impressive body.

"And what are you doing up and horny at this ungodly hour, doll?" Jasper mumbled. He didn't even open his eyes as his calloused manly hands gripped my hips in his.

"I was thinking about you," I kissed his soft mouth and then his stubbly chin, "get up, cowboy. I'm boooo-red," I whined.

"I was kinda likin' the idea of staying in bed all day and fucking your brains out," he cracked one eye open to gauge my reaction and he wiggled his hips under mine just in case I hadn't noticed his growing erection. Oh I had noticed alright.

"As great as that thought sounds we have to be at the hospital. I want to show Bella these new pjama pants I ordered for her and there's that teddy bear Esme bought and I think some flowers – lilies would be in order and – Jasper!" I cried, slapping his chest, "Do no go back to sleep!"

"Darlin'," he moaned, "I'm up," he shook his hips again and before I knew it he had seized my hips and I was underneath him, giggling and sighing and moaning and – oh god I really had to take my meds, I could feel the buzz of energy in my toes.

"Please," I muttered under the adoring administrations of Jaspers eager mouth, "Jazz."

"Nice and slow, dollface," he sighed into my belly button, "Easy, girl."

"You sound like you are trying to tame a horse on a ranch!" I cried, grabbing a handful of hair into my fist and resisting the urge to tug him up to me, "I have to – cut out those patterns and the curtains in the den look like – oh shit! Jasper!"

After a thorough seeing to from Jasper I showered at lightening speed and had Jasper out of the door with a piece of toast jammed in his mouth before you could say 'Pjama pants'. Carlisle literally forced my meds down me under the watchful eye of Jasper, assuring my man they would kick in soon and they would. I just needed to let off a little steam.

I couldn't help my mood altering slightly when I thought of Bella. I had been in to the hospital to see her a few times since I came home and each time she was despondent and so anxious I could not engage in a conversation with her. I had noticed that whenever Edward was in the room she became more human. Her eyes would drift over to where he stood or if he was touching her she would mutter out a few words to whoever who had come to visit her. Emmett's presence I think was also a comfort to her. She was beginning to trust the big oaf and slowly slowly Rosalie too. I hoped, I prayed that she would start to warm to me too and then in turn Jazz. He needed reassurance after what he had seen. What he had been through concerning Bella's case.

I think after Edward and Emmett Jaspers concern was the greatest. No, that was a lie we all were concerned and we all had different reasons to why I felt so much for this little girl.

"Hey," Jazz reached across the console and rested his hand on my knee lightly squeezing, "it will work out, darlin'."

"I know," I sighed watching the rain out of the window, "I do know that but – I feel so very hopeless. She won't even let me tough her. How can I do her nails and her hair and be a proper sister if I can't even touch her."

"All she needs in time, Al," Jasper reassured me pulling into the lot, "and you have had more time to get used to idea of Bella. She never met you before, huh."

"I know!" I sighed out frustrated. I felt like I already knew Bella inside out from being around Emmett and her parents for so long. Our family had been in the eye of the storm so to speak and I already thought of Bella as a sister. Jazz was right. I was nothing to her.

"All she needs is a little patience," Jasper said quietly in his lazy American drawl. I smiled across at him and squeezed his hand on my leg before exiting the car and heading into the hospital.

I could tell running into Edward in the corridor was a good thing. Jazz looked like he needed coffee and I could go for a pastry and a little time alone with my man. My man! Eeeeee! I thought excitedly to myself. Rose had Emmett. I had Jasper and pretty soon I knew, I just knew deep down Bella would have her Edward. Like Jasper said she needed patience and time to heal.

"Hey Jazz, my man!" a big bellowing voice shouted at us from across the cafeteria. The whole room turned and looked and Rose clocked him on the back of his head before waving and making their way over to us.

Oh my God, Rosalie looked hot. She always did but she looked extra hot today in Dior heels and a red wrap around dress that I recognised from last year's Calvin Klein line.

"Hey trouble," Emmett ruffled my hair as he sat down and batted him away.

"Hey hands off the merchandise, monkey man!" I screeched when he got me in a head lock and started giving me a noogie.

"My monkey man," Rosalie laughed, "Hi Jasper," she smiled easily, sliding into the seat beside me.

"Ed told us he was chilling with Bella for a bit," Emmett dumped a lot of sugar into his coffee and shrugged, "did you see her already?"

"Nuh," Jasper answered quietly.

"How are you?" I asked Emmett once I was sure my hair was back in place, "How are you both? Oh my God, you have to tell me where you got that Vera Wang fragrance from, Rose. I can't find it in any of the stores around here and ordering it online is sooo tedious."

"Okay, Al, dial it down some," Emmett grinned, "It's barely eight am."

"We're fine," Rosalie and Emmett exchanged looks that was not lost on me. I narrowed my eyes at them both, "and before you ask no we don't want to talk about it."

"Awwww, Rose," I sighed, "Is it to do with Bella? Is it Edward? Are you mad he's so close to Bella? Is it to do with why you are drinking decaff and look all bloated and hormonal?" the instant I said it I clapped my hands over my mouth as Rosalie groaned and Emmett burst out laughing.

"Nothing gets past you, does it?" Emmett rolled his eyes and grinned across at Rosalie.

"So it's true?" my eyes widened.

"Yes it's true," Rose grumbled, "And we're keeping it under our hats until the three months is up."

"Congratulations!" I squealed.

"Alice," Jasper chuckled and bumped fists with Emmett, "Congratulations. Both of you," he stood and kissed Rosalie on the cheek, "That's great news."

"I'm so thrilled for you!" I jumped up and attacked Rose first before giving Emmett a huge kiss and hug. It was just what they needed. Emmett had been so sad about Bella. This was – it was amazing! I was so happy for them, "When are you due? Oh Rosalie will you let me design your maternity wardrobe, that would be so cool."

Rosalie laughed and we settled into a conversation about birth dates and bias cut clothes whilst the guys yawned and looked bored.

We were just about to get up and see if Bella was back from her bath when my phone chirruped to life in my pocket.

"It's Edward," I announced to them all as I skimmed the text he had sent me, "Oh – ooohh," I jumped on the spot and pulled on Emmett's sleeve, "Ohh we have to go. All of us. Out front. Now."

"Alice!" Jasper called after me. I was up and out of my seat y the exit before they had even stood.

"Come on!" I called to them, "Bella's waiting for us."

We all rushed to the exit of the hospital where Edward had asked me to meet him. I don't think he was counting on the addition of Rosalie and Emmett but it could help, I mean Emmet was Bella's brother you know? Whatever Edward was planning it was going to help little Bella.

Edward was sat awkwardly in the main entrance foyer with Bella straddled on his lap, her face buried in his neck and – I saw her knuckled were white from clinging to his shirt so tight. Her hair was wet, she was wearing a pair of midnight blue scrubs which I must say suited her creamy skin tone. When she was better I bet she would look amazing in a navy blue cocktail dress with touches of gold at her neck and wrists and –

"Alice," Jasper touched my arm and whispered shaking his head just the once.

"I need you to drive," Edward said quietly to Emmett, his eyes looking up at us all pleadingly.

"Dude, is this a good idea? I mean I'm all for getting Bells the fuck away from here but-," Emmett paused as Bella began to wimper and sob, "I'm sorry, Bells, I do want you out of here but you're still so ill, honey."

"Please, Em," Edward said darkly, "Carlisle and I can take care of her. Please, she needs out of here."

"Please," Bella sniffed, her voice so tiny ad shaky, "He's here – he's here, Edward, he-he's – I can't-."

"Shhhh," Edward soothed her, "It's okay, he can't hurt you, not while we're all here, okay? Shhhhh, you need to calm down." His eyes shot to jasper and I, "You'll be home soon."

"Okay," Emmett motioned and Edward tossed his car keys at his friend, Emmett catching them easily, "Rose, you take my car. You two stop at the store and get supplies. Esme and Carlisle's is home?"

Edward nodded.

"Sweet. Al, give Carlisle a buzz, let him know we're headed there and the Bella -," Emmett stooped a little, "let's get you home."

"Th- thank you," Bella sniffed.

"Anything for my lil sis, let's ride," Emmett grinned, arching an eyebrow at Jasper, "I fucking hate hospitals."


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for the lovely reviews. Your words really keep me going when I'm staring at a blank document wondering where this story will go next. If you have any ideas or suggestions on character etc let me know and I will try to work them in somehow. **

**Bella's POV**

He was here. He – I clawed at Edward's shirt. I wanted to get closer to him, I wanted him to – keep me away from James, "You're a whore, Isabella. Only a whore would get a wet cunt before a rapist. You disgust me. You're a slut."

"No," I shook my head at the hot breath in my ear. His words cut. Blood. Red blood everywhere. I was a whore. I was everything they said. I silently bit down, ignoring the pain erupting all over my body. I will not scream, "I – I," I couldn't form the words, what I wanted to tell Edward. What I did. All the times I was so high I did scream. I -, "Ohhh," I moaned in pain, I did scream with pleasure. I enjoyed the next blow and then the drugs would fade and cleared thoughts convinced me I was a whore. I was a slut. Their slut. I had been high – hadn't I?

"Shhhhh," Edward whispered, holder me tighter if that were possible. He had carried me out of the hospital. I had felt the cool air on my face and cuts and it had felt good. Fresh air rushed into my lungs and he was gone. His hold on me slipped with each step Edward took away from the hospital and the weight in my chest lifted. If only for a little while. It was better than any drug in my system. It coursed through me and I let it soothe if only for a few seconds, "Em, slow down, buddy," Edwards voice rumbled in his chest and I lay my ear against it wanting him to talk again, to feel his voice inside of me.

"How're you doin, Bells?" Emmett's deep low voice filled the car. Edward was holding me on the back seat and I was leaning into him, my back was hot with a stinging pain – I could feel blood drip drip dripping down but – I wasn't going back there. Not where he was. I'd rather die.

"Okay," I whispered, peeking up at Edward. He met my eye and I quickly blinked my gaze away and out of the window where raindrops were dancing on the glass.

"Good girl," Edward kissed the top of my head, "I'm sorry we kept you there for so long."

I jerked my head in a nervous nod and closed my eyes. I felt sick. I was cold. In pain. I was back in that room. James was bearing down on me. Cruel, sick words hitting me with his fists and pulling my hair. My back throbbed. My hands ached from holding on too tight. I wanted to let go – I -, "Edward-," I sat up abruptly my body protesting against the sudden movement, "Edward-," I rasped out.

"Bells?" Emmett peered back, "Dude, she's going to throw up."

And I threw up.

**Edward's POV**

"It's okay, love," I saw Emmett's wide eyed expression in the rear view mirror, ignored it and cupped Bella's hot, tear stained face in my hands, "Look at me, my love, it's okay, we're almost home," Alice handed me a bottle of water and I carefully brought it to Bella's swollen cracked lips thanking Alice, "nice and slow, Bella, remember? Bella? Look at me, love."

Her wide, scared eyes met mine and she gave a tiny whimper, "it's okay, don't worry about that," I motioned to the vomit down the front of her scrubs, "keep looking at me, breathe with me-."

"Ed," Emmett muttered. I could hear Alice quietly sniffling to herself but I couldn't do anything about that now.

"It's okay, Em, just get us home yeah?" and the car pulled forward as he stepped on the gas.

"In -," I drew in an exaggerated breath for Bella, held it and then, "Out-," I huffed out the air slowly, "that's it – in," we pulled in our breath together. I ignored the smell of bile and, "Out," we breathed out, my hand on Bella's heart and her own on mine feeling my chest rise and then fall with the breaths we took. We stayed doing that for the rest of the journey the rest of the car forgotten. It was just us breathing and trying to keep Bella from panicking any further.

As soon as Emmett pulled up outside the house the car door was opened and Carlisle reached in, taking Bella's hands in his as I scrambled out of the car and sprinted around the side to lift her out.

"Shhhh," I sighed, when she was safely back in my arms again, "I've got you, I won't let go."

Carlisle led us inside. I could see he was upset but he didn't show any disapproval. The one person who would have fought me on discharging Bella so early would be Carlisle but he didn't say a word. He swept through his house, murmuring orders to Esme who dashed around after him bringing him his medical bag and towels and – I smiled as she held a large white fluffy bear. I fucking loved my family.

"Esme could you stay with us please?" Carlisle asked softly. He had led us to one of the many spare bedrooms. This one was the largest with a terrace and huge windows that looked out onto the stream below. It was mostly natural wood and white walls, with white linen curtains and a dash of red colour from an arrangement of roses beside a cracked brown leather sofa, "Here," Carlisle motioned to the large white linen ottoman and I gently set Bella down, crouching before her quivering shaking body.

I met Carlisle's eyes and understood his quiet command as he nodded and gestured to the soiled scrubs.

"Bella, look at me," I rested my forehead to hers. She met my eyes, "I'm going to take your top off, would that be okay?"

"- no – I -," she started to sob again, shaking her head erratically.

"You are safe, he's not here anymore. You're safe with me and my family, my darling," I soothed, "we need to get you cleaned up and comfortable. Carlisle is a doctor, he is my father and I love and trust him very much. I promise you, no one will hurt you in this house."

She eyed me warily. Shit, I'd said house, I should have said home.

"See how light it is," I whispered, nodding to the window, remembering the shadows she had spoken about before, "this was my home when I was younger. I was safe here so I could be brought to help you keep you safe, Bella," I trailed a light hand down her clammy face, "Once this is done we can have another bath, how does that sound? I will do your hair properly this time and you won't have to talk if you don't want to."

Bella slowly nodded.

"Good girl," I smiled easily and nodded to Carlisle. Together we slowly lifted the shirt from her and Esme quickly held out a bag for us to throw it into. She shuffled away but not quick enough for me not to see the tears pouring down her face and the tiny gasp that left her lips at Bella's naked torso. She's snagged her stitches again. And there was blood – a lot of it.

Bella folded her arms across her breasts trying to hide. This only stretched the skin of her back and made it bleed all the more. Slowly I pulled her arms away from her body, taking her hands in mine.

"Carlisle," I half moaned, half whispered.

"Oh Bella," Carlisle sighed, shaking his head at the sight of her back. He was poised with his needle and swabs but he sat crouched behind her completely still.

"Don't," Bella groaned, "please don't - ."

"Son," Carlisle shook his head and for a second I thought I saw anger in his eyes. I knew what he was looking at and I shook my head once, hoping Bella wouldn't notice. We had a silent conversation about Bella's altered posture before Esme came and handed him all he would need to stitch her back. All the while I talked to Bella, holding her hands, caressing her face, trying to take her mind off another man touching her skin. I told her about my own home back in town. I told her I wanted a dog but my hours at the hospital wouldn't allow it. I told her I was lonely there. I told her I was lonely everywhere without her. She seemed to respond to other people's emotions. She would stop worrying so much about her own and try to care for mine. When I said I was lonely she squeezed my hands in hers to let me know it would be okay.

"There," Carlisle quickly finished up with her sutras and dropped his needle and gloves into another an awaiting bag, "all done, honey."

"Th-thank you," Bella managed to whisper out, "a- and thank you – f-for – here."

"You are welcome," Carlisle answered softly, "I will be in my study if either of you need me. Would it be okay if I came to check on you, Bella? I will knock before I enter, of course."

Bella nodded and cast her eyes down.

"I will bring you both up some of Esme's chicken soup in a little while. Feel better, honey," he said lowly before leaving.

"he- he's nice," Bella mumbled.

"He is," I smiled glad she wasn't afraid of him, "he's one of my best friends as well as my Father. Would you like another bath now?" I asked of her.

She nodded and shyly dipped her head down.

"Okay, my love," I whispered and dropped a kiss to her forehead, "Sit tight, look out of the window at the birds and I will be right back."

I left her gazing out of the window and I raced downstairs to grab a bin liner to tape over her leg. Everyone was in the kitchen now but I didn't have time to talk to them. I wanted to get back to Bella and-.

"Son," Carlisle stood in the doorway, "are you okay?"

"Yes," I said hurriedly, "Do we have any tape?"

"Of course," Esme disappeared out of the room to fetch the tape.

"The marks on her back-," Carlisle said slowly, "Edward-," he shook his head and his eyes shone with fresh tears.

"I know," I sighed.

"What marks on her back?" Emmett boomed.

Carlisle and I stayed silent.

"What fucking marks on her back?" he demanded.

"Not now, Em," I sighed not sure if I could cope with an Emmett breakdown right now.

"There is a hand print on Bella's back," Carlisle said approaching Emmett, "it's a female hand print."

"What?" Rosalie shot upright, "What the hell-?"

"I don't know what it means yet," I said to them all, "Em, after I've cleaned her up a bit would you like to sit with her? She is so much calmer than in the hospital, it was easier to chill her out than it has been."

"Okay, sweet, yeah please, if that's cool," he clapped me on the back and then thinking better of it he grabbed me into an embrace, "Thanks man. For all of this -."

"No worries," I tried to withdraw from the hug but Emmett held me tight.

"You should shower up too, you stink of puke," he chuckled, before letting me go with a wink, "Anything you need, doc just say the word, okay?"

"Sure," I nodded, "A coffee would be great."

"Coffee coming up," Jasper shot up and moved towards the coffee machine.

"Here you are," Esme handed me a huge roll of electrical tape and a pair of scissors, "there are fresh towels in the en suite and there is shampoo, conditioner and toothpaste and I think there are spare toothbrushes in the chest of drawers in the bedroom. I'll lay out the pyjama's Alice picked out on the bed whilst you are in the bathroom, honey," she leaned up and kissed my cheek.

"Thanks Mom," I smiled and took off up the stairs, taking two at a time.

Bella had moved from the ottoman over to the window. She must have shuffled there with that weighty cast on her leg and she stood with her arms clamped firmly over her breasts and her now crying hair curling beautifully down her back. I noticed how the soft curves completely contradicted the jutting, distended scars and stitches. Such beauty yet – such pain. Seeing her skin like this in the light kick started my anger again. I wanted to rip that fucker limb from limb but in this light – I couldn't see ugliness in the scars and cuts. They were Bella. They were part of her.

"Bella," I said softly approaching her from behind in caution, "What are you looking at?"

"Th-there's a deer," She whispered, nodding to a cleaning in the trees. There was indeed a deer. It was grazing and completely unaware of our eyes on her.

"She's beautiful," I whispered. And she was, the sun caught the shine of her coat and I could see the strong muscles of her hind legs, strong and agile, enough to dart away from trouble before it happened.

"she is," Bella turned and faced me, "So-sorry – for-." She swallowed, "Yo-your family have been s-s-so kind."

"I know," I smiled lightly, "Come on. I'll draw the bath and you can be in charge of the bubble bath."

I bathed Bella just like before. Only this time it felt more relaxed. She didn't jump every time I touched her skin and she closed her eyes with pleasure as I washed her hair again and ran the conditioner through it with my fingers. She hummed with delight when I washed between her fingers and up over the palms of her hands and in between her fingers. She was – I was in awe. She really was breath taking. Yeah sure I was very aware she was sat naked in front of me but it wasn't uncomfortable, this wasn't about sex, this was about trust. She trusted me enough to close her eye and get lost in being clean again and that was fucking awesome to me.

"Bella," I finished washing out her hair and carefully tucked it being her ears. Her eyelids were dropping and she was getting that glazed expression of exhaustion again, "are you tired, my love?"

"Hmm," she mumbled.

I carefully lifted her out of the bath and ever so gently wrapped her in a towel, wrapping another around her hair.

"How do you feel now?" I asked of her, moving her to the toilet seat for her to sit down and take the weight off of her leg.

"Clean," she whispered, "thank you."

I spent quite a while making sure she was dry before helping her into a lightweight shirt, foregoing the trousers. She lifted her arms when I asked her and her head bobbed as she fought sleep. Once she was dry and I had towel dried her hair to the best of my ability I cried her bridal style over to the bed, and placed her under the covers.

"Arrgghh," she groaned, squinting her eyes closed.

"You're okay," I whispered, tucking her in and leaning down to kiss her forehead, "close your eyes, go to sleep."

"- th- the shadows," she mumbled already half asleep.

"I won't get them get you, Bella," I laid down next to her on the bed and shifted a little closer, "Sleep. I will be here when you wake up."

**Emmett's POV**

It had gone awfully quiet upstairs. Rose and I were loitering in the main entrance hallway of the Cullen's waiting on Edward to come get us. I could hear Alice chattering all the way down the hallway in the den and Esme and Carlisle were in their kitchen no doubt talking about my sister. I gritted my teeth. I was happy she was out of that hospital but – fuck what a morning already. I seriously thought I was going to lose it when she chundered in Edward's car.

But shit, Edward had gone a great job. How the fuck do you talk someone down from a mass freak out like that? Sure I've seen Rosalie panic from time to time when shit got too much but not like that. Not that that kind of scale. And what the fuck had Carlisle and Edwrad been going on about in the kitchen about little Bella's back? Part of me was curious but the other part of me didn't want to fucking know.

"What the hell are they doing up there?" I hissed out, pacing up towards the stair case again and listening for any signs of movement. Nothing.

"Maybe we should go and check they're okay," Rose slid her arms around my waist and rested her cheek against back. He touch instantly soothed me and I smiled. My girl.

"Yeah, come on," I took her hand and we took the stairs together, passing Esme and Carlisle study and the master bedroom right the way down to what was going to Bella's room for a while. It had been my room whenever I came to stay on holidays and shit. The biggest room in the house and so fucking chilled and don't get me started on the bed! Fuck, that mattress was too comfortable, I sometimes thought I'd fall asleep just looking at it.

"Knock knock," I said quietly at the door, tapping the white wood lightly with my knuckle. No answer.

"Maybe they're still in the tub," rose quirked an eyebrow and I scowled. Edward and my little sister in a bathtub was something I never thought I'd put in the same sentence. I shrugged and knocked again but still no answer, "Let me go in first – just to check they are okay" she squeezed my hand and quietly let herself into the room. I waited for two seconds, thought to myself fuck it and followed in behind her.

"Shhh," Rose pressed her finger to her lips and motioned towards the huge white bed.

I widened my eyes at what I saw. Bella was curled up on her side snuggled in close to Edward underneath the white duvet and Edward lay on his back, his head lulled to one side whit his nose nestled in her hair. They were both fast asleep and – shit, I got to admit pretty damn adorable. If it weren't for Bella's blackened face – well – fuck. It wasn't often I was rendered speechless.

"Tell me it's going to be okay?" I whispered to Rose.

"It's going to be okay," she wound her arms around my waist, "I promise."

"I know this is fucked but-," I stalled, not sure whether this was the right time to voice my concerns or fucking what. This was my little sister but also my best buddy. I was worried for both of them.

"what baby?" Rosalie asked when I didn't go on.

"Aren't you a little bit scared for Edward?" I whispered into her sweet smelling hair.

"Um – how do you mean?"

"He's waited so long for the love thunderbolt, you know? He's been alone for so fucking long and he suddenly finds it but it's already broken. Like that's pretty fucking cruel, if you ask me?"

"Babe," Rose lead me to the window seat away from them both. We sat down and I cradled her in my arms, "Was I broken when you found me?"

No. She wasn't but this was something completely different. I shook my head silently.

"It is what it is," Rose sighed, "you can't protect Edward from this, no more than you can protect Bella. They're bonded somehow, just like us. And from the looks of them," she nodded towards the bed where they slept, "if one of them doesn't have the other there will be more heart ache, babe."

"I'm not doubting that, babe but – finding you, holy shit it fucking physically hurt to see you in all that pain those first few months and trying to reach out to you and get you to trust me was fucking torture. No – no," I tried to reassure her when she opened her mouth to interrupt, "I wouldn't change that shit for the world because it brought us closer, it was worth the pain, you know? But this is a whole lot fucking bigger than what we had to deal with. Bella was kept for six years. She's – there's like there's some void there behind her eyes. She's so fucking lost, Rose and I don't think Ed's strong enough to find her again. He thinks he's a big tough guy but he's really this sensitive kid who just - Shit, that sounded all kinds of corny didn't it?"

"Em," Rose reached up and pressed her finger to my lips, "trust Edward. He knows what he's doing, okay? And if either of them slip we'll be there to catch them, yeah? Same goes for all of the Cullen's."

"I know did you see the doc?" I sighed, "he looked like he was going to cry downstairs."

"He probably is now," Rose sighed.

"It's going to be a shit couple of months, huh?"

"Yes," Rose nestled her head on my chest and closed her eyes, "but we're all family and family sticks together."

We lay in a comfortable silence, peacefully watching over our little brother and sister. I suddenly felt this swell of love that I could be part of the Cullen's safe family unit. I'd felt their support and love for years now, it was kinda hard to get used to but when you did, boy did they let you know you weren't ever going to be alone ever again.

"Can you guess Bella's story?" I asked, suddenly ready to speak the words I feared to say out loud in case I lost my shit. Rose nodded quietly, "Babe," I whispered my eyes filling with tears, "she's my – lil sis, you know?"

"I know," Rose sighed, "I know."

"How the fuck is she still alive?"

"I don't know, Em, but it's something to be celebrated. Having her with us, don't cry," she shifted against me and brushed the tears from my face, "please don't cry."

"I love you," I murmured, catching her hands up in mine.

"I love you too." She whispered back, "So much."

"Marry me," I whispered into her face, "I know I haven't got a ring or any of that romantic shit but Rose – my Rosalie, I can't wait another fucking moment to be your husband."

"That's your proposal?" Rosalie arched her eyebrow at me and swatted me on the arm, "you've got to do better than that."

I chuckled and held her tighter, "watch this space, Hale. You're going to get the best fucking proposal you ever fucking saw."

"Promises, promises," she laughed lightly, kissing my chin and settling back down against me again.

After a while I heard her breaths grow more even and peering down at her she had fallen asleep. I lay awake on the window seat, watching over my family wondering where they'll take me and how rocky our road will be.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi Guys, sorry it's been so long since I last updated. Your reviews are great! Keep them coming. I'm going to work on the next update right after I have posted this one. **

**As per usual I don't own Twilight of any of stephanie meyers work. This next chapter has explicit language... thank you again for reading**

**Bella's POV**

Asleep. Right in front of me Edward was asleep. To the left Emmett was asleep. In his arms, Rosalie was asleep. I watched them. I thought I heard them breathing. I could hear others sleeping too, a house. This was a home. The room I was in was comfy. It was light. It was spacious. It was soft and clean and flooded with love. Touches like flowers and little ornaments hung around, piles of well thumbed books were piled by the door. There were magazines in a rack beside a couch. My eyes widened. A couch. I hadn't sat on a couch in years. I sighed and ran my hand along the clean sheets on the bed, thinking I could feel every fibre. I hadn't slept in a bed for years. I hadn't used the bathroom in years. I hadn't felt a thing in years-.

I ached. Every time I woke up I ached but for the first time in a long time I hadn't woken up crying or screaming or fighting for breath. I hadn't woken from a nightmare. I ached. Ache I could handle and – I eyed the couch. I wanted to sit in it.

Edward lay beside me fast asleep. His breathing was even and his eyelashes were so dark against his white skin. Edward. I smiled and had to resist the urge to reach out and cup his face in my hands. I didn't want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. A peace I couldn't grant him when he awake. I wondered about his dreams? Did he dream? A sudden terrifying thought hit me. What if he had nightmares, what if the shadows got him too?

Wake him up? Save him from the shadows? He looked peaceful….if - I shook my head and eyed the sofa again. I really did want to sit on it. In it. With it? I shook my head again. My thoughts were all muddled again. There felt like there was a dragging in my stomach that needed sated. I felt it often but it was more this time and – I needed something to take it away but I didn't know what.

Sliding out of the bed I placed my bad leg on the floor carefully so it didn't make a thud that would wake everyone. Sitting upright I hissed silently at the pain shooting up my back and down and around to my stomach. I watched the couch. I stared down at my leg. I stood. No shadows in this room. It was too white and pure for that. No I was going to sit in that sofa. It took a lot of concentration and determination to get up and across to the sofa. I shuffle and limp as quietly as possible to the sofa, my good leg shaking and my ribs calling out to me to stop, to go back and lay in bed.

"Bella?"

A whisper. I jumped almost losing my balance. Bella? Me? I screwed my eyes up and regretted it my eyes sockets felt like they were full of sand.

I turned to the door, the one place where danger came from. The one place where I couldn't see the shadows.

"Honey?" Carlisle was stood there.

Carlisle.

I froze. I wasn't – I couldn't – Edward had said he loved him. He was everyone's father. Edward had said – best friends.

"Bella," Carlisle beckoned for me to go to him. I hesitated. Was I willingly stepping towards him only for him to – no he was Edward's best friend. His Daddy.

"You can do it," Carlisle nodded with encouragement. He opened his arms out like you would a child asking for their first steps. His eyes twinkled in the dusk of the room. I checked around me. Emmett was asleep. Edward was asleep. Rosalie was asleep. Everyone was asleep but Carlisle and I. The whole world had stopped and – what if -?

"I c-can," I nodded and changed my direction towards Carlisle, the couch forgotten. Now more than anything I wanted to walk to Carlisle.

I shuffled. I didn't stumble though. I manoeuvred my leg around and I ended up right in front of Carlisle my eyes level with his strong broad chest. Strong. I shuddered. He was too much bigger than me.

"You did it," Carlisle whispered. He didn't touch me. He didn't move at all. It looked like he was made of stone in this dim light. I eyed the hallway behind him. It was white like my room. White and spacious. No shadow lurked behind the door, "Are you hungry?"

I tilted my head. I wanted something. I didn't know what my stomach wanted but I needed something inside of me or – what was that pull in my chest? What was my body needing that I didn't know about? Was- I gasped and reached to the door frame.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle dipped to look into my face.

"My – tu-tummy," I gasped when it cramped again.

"Okay," Carlisle breathed out with a sigh, "Shall I wake Edward?"

"No," I whispered, he'd be angry if he was woken. No. I was okay. Just -, "My tummy," I groaned again.

"Can you walk just across the hallway to my study?"

Study. What was in his study? I nodded.

Carlisle led the way keeping a close distance at my side in case I fell. I didn't – I didn't want his hands on me but – my stomach rolled again and a burning curled up my throat.

"This is my study," Carlisle opened the door and left it open for me. I limped inside holding my arms around myself. Holding back shameful tears. It was darker in here and lined with books. It was dark and – I looked at the windows in the corner. Shadows wouldn't creep to me here. Would they? He – Carlisle was Edward's best friend.

"Yo- you're Edward's b-best friend-d-," I muttered, all but collapsing into a couch that was exactly the same one as the one in my room. I sank into it and heaved a sigh of discomfort.

"I am," Carlisle smiled, easily, "Can you describe the pain you're in?"

"Twisting," I ran a hand over my flat stomach.

"And it is just below your ribs?" he noticed where I was rubbing. I nodded and bit my lip. I didn't want him looking at me. I hated that he was looking at me.

"Okay honey, I'm going to have Esme bring you up some food. I know it sounds silly as you have a stomach ache but I think you're having hunger pains," he smiled and sat across from me, "I'll eat with you, I'm hungry myself, would that be okay?"

I nodded and managed to mouth a thank you.

"In the mean time, drink this," he reached behind him and handed me a glass of coke, "I'm afraid I have one weakness and that is coca cola," he chuckled.

I took it with shaking hands. It was heavy. I thought I might drop it but I didn't. Instead I grasped it in two hands and brought it to my lips. Coke. I hadn't had coke in – it was sweet. Sugary. It tasted good.

We sat in silence until Esme brought up some food. Carlisle sat with a book in his lap and I sat watching him suspiciously. He didn't move much. Just to turn the page when he was done reading that particular one. I kept seeing him peer up at me watching him a bemused look on his face at me. Bemused? Was I funny? I must be funny looking if people smiled at me all the while. Everyone smiled. Why were they smiling?

"Soup," Esme announced bringing in a large tray, "chicken soup to be exact and lots of bread and some cookies for afters." She set it down in front of us. Three bowls. I counted. Three spoons. Three bowls of steaming hot soup.

Esme sat down with Carlisle and – she lifted a bowl to me. I watched it. I looked past the steam that rose up from it and into Esme's kind face. I couldn't take it. I would drop it if I took it from her. Hot soup and – I bit my lip. She was going to be angry. She - , "Fuck," I muttered, my eyes widening at my curse and my hands flew to my mouth wanting to cram that filthy word back into my mouth.

"Here," Esme stood and she took a seat next to me, "Sit back, darling," she took all of the stuff off of the massive tray and then she placed it on my legs. She put down my bowl of soup and a slice of bread for me with a spoon, "There we are," she leaned in and she kissed my forehead. She kissed me.

"W- wh -hy did you do th-th-that?"

"So you can eat, my dear," she took her pace back beside Carlisle and smiled.

She smiled.

"You – you kissed me," I touched my forehead and I shivered. I felt the scabs there. Why would she kiss me when I looked like this? Why would she smile at me? Why put her lips to something so disgusting.

"I did," Esme nodded, "Eat, Bella," she instructed me with a wink.

We ate. Esme and Carlisle talked to me and to each other. I watched and listened in wonder. I – I looked out of the window to the failing light. I looked back at Carlisle and Esme. They were smiling. Everyone always smiled.

"How do you feel now?" Carlisle asked me. I managed to eat the bowl of soup but I left the bread and cookies. I could already feel the soup creeping back up my throat. I didn't tell him. I didn't want him to be mad – or Esme. She'd made the soup. All that effort. No – I swallowed and nodded. They wouldn't smile then. They would be mad, I didn't want them to be mad.

"Anymore pain?"

I shook my head.

"Okay good," he stood and indicated for me to stand with him. I did. Very shakily. I was tired. Exhausted. I knew – I shook my head abruptly and the burn in my throat that had been was now replaced with the soup – oh – God. I looked up at Carlisle. Pleadingly. Where would he take me? What- I was confused. Again. They would be mad, again.

"Take some steady and even breaths, Isabella," Carlisle took my arm. I stared at his hands on me. Big hands. Big fists. Big - I cringed and jerked my head to one side trying to extend my thraot, trying to prolong - things. Where was I?

"Yo-you're Edward's be-be-est friend," I whispered. They wouldn't hurt would they? Would they? I eyed Esme who was watching us closely.

"I am, honey and that means I'd never let anything he cares about come to any harm," he smiled gently, "Would you like to go back to bed to Edward now?"

I nodded and tears stung my eyes. I was sorry. But I didn't know how to tell them – I moved, one step. Two. It hurt. But I took another one and another. My pain was better than theirs. If I felt their pain - I felt my whole body sag - I couldn't do this.

"That's it, Bella," Carlisle said from behind me and then – a hand – a hand on the small of my back. I yelped in surprize and I felt – I pitched forward unable to just – I, "Bella!" Carlisle shot out and caught me but –

"I'm going to – be sick-," I clapped my hands over my mouth and began to cry.

"Okay," Carlisle swept me up in his arms and I shut my eyes, hating his body on mine but – I closed my eyes willed the nausea to go away.

"Whore-," hot and whispering in my ear, "- in your hot, wet cunt. You fucking whore!"

"Hmmm," I whimpered against Carlisle.

"It's okay, honey," Carlisle told me, gently setting me down on the floor and quickly lifting the toilet seat. I heaved into the bowl. Chicken soup. I threw up again and again as the whispering grew into screeching in my ears. My mind. Fucking whore. Slut. You like that don't you - you like a murderer fucking your loose bloody cunt! I screamed. I screamed. I -

"- Bells?" Emmett. I let out a sob and it caught in my throat causing me to throw up again, "Carlisle? What's up with her?"

"Whore, you fucking whore."

"Emmett, not now," Carlisle scolded as I heaved one more time.

I sat back on the cool tiled floor and stared up at them both. I was a whore. I was – I shuddered and – I was a whore, they knew I was, that's why they smiled. They were smiling because - there was a joke, in the room and - .

"I'm going to give you some anti-sickness drugs, Bella," Carlisle crouched down beside me and proffered his hand to help me up. I nodded. I watched his hand. I had felt that hand and – I swallowed and peered at Emmett. No – I shook my head and shrunk away from him. He was Edward's best friend but – no I mustn't scream. Do not scream. Do not scream-, "Get Edward," I heard him hiss. Hiss. And a kick and a scream. Shit, don't scream. I curled up and I held on, "Isabella?" he touched me. He –

"Whore."

"Isabella, open your eyes. I am not James," Carlisle's voice was telling me, "I'm Edward's best friend, remember?"

"Dad?" my angel.

"- please?" I whispered at Carlisle, "I was s-so – c-close. Pl-ease?"

"Bella?" my angel.

"One minute, Edward," I heard him say, "honey, open your eyes. Tell me what you are close to?"

I opened my eyes and the room seemed to tilt with my dizziness. I tried to focus on Carlisle. He was sitting on the floor across from me. He was – kind. He was a "fucking cunt!" - I clapped my hands over my mouth and whimpered.

"I -," I could feel them all looking at me. I wanted to throw up again, "like the other girls – he-he had. It was cl-close. I -," I sniffed and left out a shaky breath I didn't know I was holding, "he – he killed."

"You very almost did die," Carlisle edged forward a little more.

"You sh- should have – le-le-let me," I gasped out, "he - bastard! Ohhhh," I curled inside myself, "I'm sorry."

"No, Bella," Emmett thundered, "We-."

"Shhh!" Carlisle held up his hand to my brother, stopping whatever he wanted to say, "if he had we would have never have got to meet you," he smiled, always smiling, "and you us. And you will never have this chance to wreak the best revenge on James and all the people who did this to you."

I frowned at his words. Revenge? "Revenge?"

"To lead a happy life again. Do you not think it was James's intention to crush you and – kill you?"

I nodded my response.

"Now the tables have turned somewhat. James is going to waste away in jail, honey and you are going to laugh and love and live," he edged closer some more, "You are a strong woman, you have already proved that, my dear. It's going to be very hard but nothing is worth anything unless you've fought for it, trust me, I know. I have had to fight all of my life for all the things I have now but they're all the more sweeter for it." He smiled. A crooked, sympathetic smile and he rested his hands on my knees. I shuddered but I did not pull back, "What do you want the most, Isabella? Do you want to live or do you want to die?"

I could feel the weight of that question in my chest. The room was waiting for my answer. I could feel their eyes on me.

"I want to – be – I – I want to -," I whispered, "pe-peace."

"Excellent choice," Carlisle's face stretched into an even wider smile, "You must be tired, come," he stood and held his hand down to me, "stand up and Edward will help you into bed."

**Carlisle's POV **

"Carlisle?" my wifes tender touch on my shoulder startled back to the kitchen where I was toying with a cream cheese bagel. Sleep had been futile last night and against my better judgement I had sat awake with Emmett all night listening to Bella's screams as nightmares rolled through her sleep. Emmett was beside himself, the poor boy. He hadn't a clue of the horros Bella had to and would still have to face. At least i have some idea as to what had happened in the years she had been missing. At some point I would have to sit down with him and try to explain but I could not do that right now because I still was not sure of the details.

Anyhow, my first priority was to help Bella feel comfortable and loved in our family home. It was a strain but it was something I was willing to do for all of my family but first and foremost for Isabella. I could not deny this hold she had over all of us. I could only theorize that we had been searching and thinking of her for all of these years she was already part of our family. I owed it to our dear friends Renee and Charlie. I could not save them but I'll be damned if I cannot save their precious daughter.

"Darling, you have to eat something," Esme leaned down and kiss my cheek lightly, "I can make you something else if you would prefer?"

"No, no don't do that," I rose and handed her the bagel, "I'm not really very hungry."

"Okay," she smiled sympathetically, "But you have to promise me you will pick something up at the hospital."

"I'm not going to the hospital today," I told her gruffly.

"Oh?"

I could hear the surprise in my wife's voice, I hadn't missed a day's work at the hospital in all of the days I had worked there.

"I would like the spend the day with you, if that is alright?" I snaked a hand around her waist and pulled her towards me into an embrace, "Perhaps we could go out for the day in Port Angeles with the kids? Give Bella and Edward some space."

Esme narrowed her eyes.

"It would be -," I hesitated searching for the right word, "prudent if we knew what we are dealing with here and Edward has a certain way with her. Perhaps if they have some uninterrupted time together she will confide in Edward a little more."

"Whatever Bella says to me in confidence will stay that way," Edward strode into the room - I groaned inwardly. He always managed to immerge and hear the tail end of a conversation.

"Sit," Esme elbowed him away from the fridge and started to busy herself around the kitchen, fetching him a cup of coffee and setting my bagel down in front of him, "and listen to your father."

I watched my son sit and grimace at the bagel in front of him much the same as I had done earlier. He looked tired and dishevelled. I was worried about him. I was more than worried. I wanted to hold him tight and protect him from all of this but - I sighed. There was no doubt in my mind he was capable of helping Bella. He was a sensative yet strong man. A credit to Esme and I in every sense - there was not much Edward could not do if he put his mind to it. A memory of him as a little boy tenaciously practising piano hour after hour until he had all of his music books learnt off by heart flashed into my mind. And when he was in little league - he may not have been as big as some of the boys on his team but he worked hard to match their stregnth and stamina. He never gave up with his meticulous nature and that was what made him such a great doctor. I was ever so proud of him. So proud I beamed across at Esme loving her all the more for giving me him to raise and love.

"Last night-," I threaded my fingers into one another and wondered how best to broach this delicate subject, "Bella is showing signs of post traumatic stress."

"Of course she is," Edward scoffed.

"And as you know there are triggers. I would prefere it if we were privy to Bella's triggers to prevent further episodes."

Edward sighed and began to tug at the messy tufts of hair that always fell over his eye before their usual wax in the morning, "I know all of this Dad," he grumbled, "she just needs time, okay? If you're not preppared to have her here I'll take her to my appartment and-."

I held up a hand to stop his train of thought and shook my head, "This is not what I want. I want her here, I feel we can all care for her better if we are all under the same roof."

"So what do you want?"

"I am presuming far too much about her mental state, son," I met his eye and I could see his torment, "has Jasper told you anything that might be of some help?"

Edward nodded.

"Darling," Esme hugged his shoulders and stilled his fidgeting hands, "We are going to take Emmett, Alice, Jaser and Rosalie out for the day. You both need time to yourselves outside of the hospital and away from all our family noise."

"- in the hope she tells me everything so I can tell you all out of some morbid fascination," he muttered grumpily.

"That isn't the case at all, son," I sighed, "perhaps use this time to familiarize her with the house without us all in it," I spread my hands out on the vast marble counter and watched the sunlight dancing off of my wedding ring, "it would be beneficial to know of her past but -," I sighed admitting defeat, "but perhaps if you learnt a little of it that will help for the time being."

"I'm not trying to be awkward," Edward lifted his head picking up on my sad tone. I smiled gently, encouragingly, "you have to understand if I break her trust in me then it will be lost forever."

I nodded just the once and stood, "Three meals today, for the both of you and plenty of water. You know where her meds are."

"Thanks Dad," he nodded.

"My cell's on all day too," despite better judgement I lent down and kissed my son carefully on the forehead, "And take a shower," I chuckled.

"Yes sir," Edward grinned.


	17. Chapter 17

Hi everyone, I am sorry it has taken me so to update. I promise to be better at updating.

Thank you for reading and all of your messages and reviews.

**Chapter 17**

**Edward's POV**

I did as Carlisle said. I took a shower. A long hot one in the shared upstairs bathroom rather than disturb Bella. I scrubbed and cleaned and tried to get the awful night before off of my skin. Shit, I swear every time she screamed out was like a blade puncturing my heart. There wasn't shit I could do about any of it and – fuck! I lent my forehead against the cool and wet tiles in front of me. Was yesterday a dream? Or – I shuddered, the events would forever be seared into my memory but it had taken on a dream like quality. It was the shock. It was the fucking realisation of the ordeals My Bella had had to face day in and day out for the last six years.

Her back. Oh fuck, her back. I grimaced. I would have to check on the stitches a little later but right now all I could see was that blackened woman's hand print. From what Bella had told me about James taking her she had been hidden away and tortured for that length of time. She hadn't been homeless. She hadn't been fucked up on drugs on the streets. She hadn't been prostituting herself – all things I had feared – no she had been locked away and tortured. And from what Jasper had told me about James– not by just one person. My multi-persons. His gang. His 'clients'.

Shit. I shook water out of my eyes and soaped up my body again.

Dead bodies. Women. I shuddered. I felt sick all of a sudden. In our town. Right under our noses. And that fucking woman's hand print. What was that about?

Rinsing out my hair, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and – blinking through the steam. The mirror was misted up but I could make out my form. A blurred figure. Me. Muscle. I looked down at my hands and I curled them into a fist. I watched the muscle flex up my forearm and I rolled my wrist around so I could watch my bicep curls too. Force. And strength. And violence. A monster if I allowed a darker temper to take me over.

Would led a man to do what he did to Bella? Money? Was that it? Drugs? I've seen plenty of addicts come and go at the hospital. Drug dealers too. But none as twisted as James. None as – I gritted my teeth. Insanity? Jaspers words ran through my mind. The night he had talked of Bella to Jasper. Desperate and deluded.

"Edward?" a light tap on the door made me jump and the towel around my waist slipped and I grabbed it quickly, fastening it around again before opening the door. Rosalie stood. As beautiful and composed as ever. Emmett's rock. His – I eyed her and tried to flash her a smile as her eyes flickered down to my bare chest where droplets of water still clung to my chest hair.

"Yeah, don't flatter yourself, Ed," Rose snorted, catching my smug smile.

"What's up?" I asked her.

"Emmett's asleep," she informed me, "Get your ass dressed and I'll meet you outside in five, okay?"

"Wouldn't it be -?"

"Five," she interrupted me and sashayed away her heels clicking on the hard wood floor. I rolled my eyes at her and went off in search of some clean clothes. I could raid Carlisle's wardrobe is Jazz and Alice were still sleeping. My old man was fashionable in his own way. Granted Alice or Esme bought most of his clothes. I could guarantee they'd be a band t-shirt and a comfy pair of jeans at the back of his closet that would fit me.

Once dressed, I looked in on Bella who was still sound asleep, before searching Rosalie out in the garden. She was sat on a bench beside Esme's herb garden, running a sprig of rosemary through her fingers. I'd never seen Rose fidget before.

"What is it Rose?" I asked her carefully. I sat down and watched her with concern. It couldn't be easy for Rose seeing Bella in so much pain.

"I'm pregnant," she lifted her chin with defiance and watched for my reaction, "And Emmett proposed to me last night."

I nodded. Pregnant and engaged.

"And I want Emmett to be able to enjoy this time," her hand was gently resting on her flat stomach, "I know it's going to be difficult with Bella here but – he has a responsibility to-."

I narrowed my eyes at her. I like Rose, I do. She can be a real sweetheart when she forgets to be a bitch and I was in no doubt she'd take care of my best friend as he would take care of her but I knew she didn't ask me out here to congratulate her and be happy for them.

"Bella is going to need her big brother," she sighed, "But he isn't going to be able to be there for her all of the time but it would seem you have picked up the gauntlet anyway."

I smirked at her raised eyebrow, "are you giving me your blessing, Rose?"

"Do I have yours?"

"Are you fucking kidding," I chuckled, "Of course you do. I - ," I sighed, "I'm not going to run out on her. If that's what you think – I – I can't explain it."

"You run out on her and I cut your balls off, how is that for an explanation?"

I burst out laughing. I couldn't fucking help it, once you get to know Rose's attitude it was too hard not to laugh, "You know, I won't or you'd have kept me away from her. Both of you would have."

"I mean it. No more scenes of rage, no running out on her, no dicking around. Period. If you need some space you call someone. In fact if you so much as think about it, you call someone and you do your Eddie rage bullshit away from that poor girl. If Bella comes to either me or Emmett and you're acting like a douchebag I will not tol-"

"Rose," I interrupted her, "You're wasting your breath; it's not going to happen. Okay?"

Rosalie nodded and bit her lip.

"Can I offer my congratulations now?"

"Sure," she shrugged and stood up, "You'd better get in there. Jasper was talking about going to speak with Bella and I'm not sure how that will go over."

"Right now?" I started towards the house, not waiting for her reply. I could hear her chuckling behind me and I knew she thought I was already whipped.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper's POV<strong>

"-Baby?"

"Ugngh – No -."

"Jazz – wake up."

Wake up. I had to fucking wake up. Fuck knows where I was, where my dream had taken me this time but the groggy light of day wasn't tearing me away. Wake up.

"Jasper-."

"- huh?" I opened my ears and moaned at the sensation curling up from my toes. I wanted to smile seeing Alice's little head bobbing up and down working my semi hard penis but – I shuddered instead and ran my hands through her hair, gently tugging her up and away from my dick.

"You're awake," Alice grinned, licking her delectable lips and swooping down to start sucking me off again.

"Al," I stopped her before she made contact with the head, "Please don't."

She froze and looked up at me through that cute little wispy fringe she hadn't got to with a brush yet. She stuck out her bottom lip and gave me a pout that meant she had been planning a whole morning of fun and I'd just pissed on her fuck party.

"Not now, baby doll," I pulled her up flush against my chest and kissed her hair.

"What's the matter? Was I doing it wrong? I know we don't know everything about each other yet but I've always been, like soooo good at giving head. I even won an award for it at the Kappa-."

"Alice," I murmured, interrupting her, "it's not you, it's me."

She scooted further up the bed and wrapped her little legs around me, straddling me pressing her nose up to mine, "What's up Cowboy?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, "I had a dream."

"What were you dreaming about?"

I hesitated. Someone like Alice lived in fairy land where everything sparkled and shone with happiness and positivity. She didn't know what dark depths men sank to and – she didn't know what dark deeds I have done to up hold the law. Sure, my little pixie could handle it but I didn't want her to have to handle anything as ugly as James, I wanted her to stay happy, lively Alice until the end of time.

"Bella," I muttered coldly.

Alice quirked an eyebrow but for once she didn't say anything she simply stayed stock still waiting for me to elaborate.

"- and how I found her," I whispered.

"Oh Jazz," Alice bumped her nose to mine and closed her eyes.

"I am sorry," I kissed her. Slow and softly.

"You saved our little Bella," Alice sighed into my mouth, "that isn't something you say sorry for and I know it wasn't a kinky dream so that is all okay with me and I also know there is more but I am not going to push you to know any details but I do think you will have to talk to someone, do they like have those shrinks at the station like in that great movie The Departed? You should see someone like that but don't fall in love with her because I want you all to myself and that would break my heart and we wouldn't want that. Daddy wouldn't want that because I would give his credit card hell and -."

"Alice," I chuckled.

"I know, I know, meds but I am anxious about all of this, like proper anxious and you know what happens when I get anxious, I have to either fuck something very very hard and you aren't up for that so I have go shop, so we are going shopping today. Up and at 'em cowboy, you need a shower and I need to find Rosalie. I hope she doesn't have morning sickness, do you think she has morning sickness? And Edward might let you see Bella before we leave. Yes, not that he has to 'let' you I mean he might think it is a good idea because I think it is a very good idea, do you think it is a good idea? I think it's a great idea, in fact we should go ask right now before Emmett wakes up."

I stared up at Alice. Fuck, that was a lot to take in for this hour in the morning, "Yes I think it would be a very good idea."

"Okay so I will go and find Rose and check out the barfing and you go and find Edward or you could just stop by Bella's room. I think I heard her last night but I am not sure. I for def heard Daddy and Emmett in the study, his study is directly below and sometimes -."

"Alice," I laughed, seizing her tiny hips in my hands and laughing, "Go find Rose."

"Okay," she rolled off of me and shot out of the room in just a pair of tiny shorts and an even tinier tank top.

I had to laugh to myself at her energy even though it worried me sometimes. I hadn't known her all that long but yet she had captured my heart and it wasn't' showing any signs of easing up. Usually I met a chick, fucked her and lost interest. Not Alice. She held my attention and then some. I knew she had high hopes for us and I had to agree with her. She was – I sighed and grinned up at the ceiling, she was way more than I deserved.

I deserved – I screwed my eyes up and saw the bullet hitting James in the chest. I saw – I saw my Father. My deadbeat fucked up Father. I had tried all of my life not to turn into him yet at the same time his influence lurked at the back of my mind. Every time I took a swig of beer it reminded him of his stale breath and – somehow I still drank it down and savoured it's cool taste, just as he had done as I watched him at the dinner table as a kid. So what had I ever done to deserve a girl like Alice? What had I done to deserve the Cullen's taking me under their wing?

I grumbled away to myself in the shower and then some more as I dressed in a pair of denims and t-shirt and snapped on the leather cuff I always wore on my right wrist. My gun could stay in the top drawer of the dresser. I wouldn't be needing that today and it felt kind of neat not to have to carry it with me day in day out. I was suspended so it meant carrying withheld could get me in a lot of trouble. It suited me fine. That fucking thing had got me into a lot of trouble already.

"Jasper," Alice bounced into the room and started rambling ten to the dozen about breakfast and shopping and Port Angeles, making my head spin. She shimmied around slinking her perfect little body into jeans and a pretty floral vest, "- and I was thinking it would be more than fine to go in and see her for a little bit, she isn't sleeping Rosalie said so and Emmett is in the can and oh should I wear the emerald green or the opal? What do you think? The emerald is prettiest isn't it? And – Jasper, come on! Get your butt out of this room and into Bella's, I want to see if she is wearing the pyjama set I bought her. No dilly dallying."

Before I knew it we were stood outside of the room Bella would be staying in for the foreseeable future. I hadn't seen her since – I passed a hand through my hair and hesitated – since I had gone into that house. What I had seen in that house would turn even the steeliest of stomachs. It hadn't been just the dank and dismal conditions of the ram shackled house.. I would forever see the four naked women dead and decomposing in the corner of the room next to Bella's. I would always hear the clunk of the lock they kept on the doors. I would always see James's eyes widen as I pulled my piece. Shit like that stayed with you and made you a better cop. Hell, I knew my leave was for my own good, to kick back and regroup but the cop half of me wanted to get back out there and save other girls like Bella. Maybe if some cop hadn't been on leave he would have been able to save one of the many girls James had pimped out and killed.

_It wasn't unusual for my phone to ring at 2am. Fuck, it wasn't unusual for it to ring at 4am some nights when shit on the streets was getting rough and 'they' wanted me out there. 'They' were from both sides. From small time criminals I had befriended to my superiors at the station. I was always undercover out of town, away from anyone would or could know me for Detective Whitlock. I wasn't an ordinary undercover either; I guess you could say I was the most senior undercover in the unit. I was next up for promotion, to get away from this undercover shit. It was slowly rotting my soul. I could feel the bay guys eating away at my good. Getting out after this last job was going to be so fucking sweet; I could live again without looking over my shoulder 24/7._

_James and his gang were all motherfuckers. Sure, I dealt in motherfuckers but this group of deadbeats were different in a sicker and more twisted way. They didn't seem to have an ounce of respect for anyone or anything. I'd been running with them for a year now and I was starting to feel like I would never get past James and in with his dealer in Miami._

_Groaning, I rolled over the naked chick beside me. Brandy? Brandon? Bernadette? I was fucked if I knew her name. I reached for my phone and answered it with my usual monotone grunt._

_"Bro, it's your motherfucking birthday!" I gruff voice yelled down the phone at me._

_"What?" I sat up and rubbed at my jaw, wondering what the hell I had drunk last night._

_"I said it's your fucking birthday; get your ass down to West Bec. On fifth, I got your pressie all wrapped an' waiting for yah," the voice. It was James. I'd know his coked up gabble anywhere._

_"It's two in the morning, man," I sighed._

_"You want to fuck this chick or not?"_

_Fuck this chick. The chick. The girl he had been talking about a few days ago, howling with glee at his conquest. The girl who would not scream for him. My fist clenched immediately._

_"I'm in," I was up and out of bed and into my jeans, I would call into the office and tell the chief what was going down. I didn't know what to do but – I had to call it in if I was going to the house James raved about, "I wana ride her clean, man, so keep those other fucks off her, got it?" I cringed at my language, I cringed at how far I was sinking into the dark shit James and his lackeys wallowed in._

_"Sure -," I heard a scuffle and a few raised voices, "fucking A but you better haul ass, you know how Alec is with pussy."_

_I hung up and dressed in a hurry. I carefully strapped my gun to my ankle and I holstered the second. I never went anywhere without my gun, especially with those assholes around. This wasn't the kind of job where I could wear a wire that was fucking entrapment and had too much red tape if it ever went to court. On the way I called the office and then the chief at home, waking him and his pretty little life up but I couldn't give a fuck. I was putting myself in danger and going in without back up. I had an address. Oh fuck, I smiled to myself, I had a fucking address._

_The street the house was on was deserted. A few streetlights where out so shadows were longer and darker in the alleys. The side walk was banked up with trash bags and punks hung on the corners, drinking beer and smoking some pretty potent marijuana. I parked up; aware my car would be up on bricks when I got out, it was that kind of neighbourhood._

_"Hey," I greeted a guy at the door I'd never seen before, he was strung out on some shit and swinging with the door on its hinges. He was wearing a grubby white vest despite the bitter cold of the night and he had blood smeared from his nose, "Is James here?"_

_"Who the fuck wants to know?" he giggled. He fucking giggled?_

_"Let me in man," I shouldered past him and stood in a big stripped out entrance hall. The smell hit me as soon as I stepped inside. The smell was the type of smell that permeated into your memory. I would forever remember the mix of rotting flesh and human waste, burning and blood. It was damp and – fuck, I looked down at my boot and I'd stepped in shit. Actual shit._

_"Duuuude, that sucks," the little fuck in the vest laughed._

_"There's a dog here?" I curled my lip. The only animal this place was fit for was cockroaches like James._

_The guy shrugged and resumed getting high from his spot by the door. I guess he was the only security James had. A stoned butler._

_Looking around the place it was a shell of a house. There wasn't even a kitchen. It was just floorboards and pipes that led to nowhere. The walls dripped with dirty water and rubbish lay everywhere and – I stopped in front of what looked like it had once been a downstairs john. There was no door and what was once a cistern was off the wall and on the floor beside a burn out TV. That wasn't what caught my eye. What had caught my attention was a hand. A human hand. And as I crept round to look inside of the door I saw – a woman. A dead girl. Dried vomit pooled from her mouth and – I squeezed my eyes shut as my heart began to thunder in my chest, a needle in her arm._

_The stench was horrendous and I covered my mouth with my hand, willing myself not to throw up. I moved on. I had to. I wanted to know what other horrors James was hiding. I had to get upstairs._

_"Hey, my man," Dimitri greeting me with a clap on my shoulder. He was wearing, surprizing a light grey suit and a once white shirt, the tie hanging from his neck. He too was smeared with blood. I checked him over with my eyes; he didn't look to be hurt. It wasn't his blood. My guess was it the blood of whoever was in the room he was guarding._

_"What's up?" I muttered trying to stay as calm as possible._

_"Chilling," dimitri nodded, "James is in there, he's kinda crazy tonight so-," Dimitri's smile widened into a sick grin, "you know."_

_"Thanks," I nodded and motioned for him to lead the way. From what I could tell it was only the stoned guy downstairs in the house as well as these jokers. I didn't want Dimitri behind me as we entered. I wanted him where I could see him._

_"Bella's pretty fucked up. I hope your horny man, she ain't going to be awake for much longer," Dimitri chuckled and then he opened the door…._

What if Bella didn't want to see me? What if she freaked out like I heard last night? Her cries in the night had shaken me. I think she'd shaken the whole fucking house. I didn't know if I would be able to handle it if I went in there and she was reminded of James and his shithole den. I wanted her to be safe and feel safe. What if I wasn't safe in her eyes?

"It's okay, Jasper," Alice said quietly beside me, "You won't hurt her."

I nodded and swallowed wishing I had drunk a cup of coffee before this. I knocked softly. No reply. I glanced back at Alice. She sighed and rolled her eyes and barrelled straight into the room before I could stop her.

"Morning Bella!" she called lightly into the room. I followed a little behind Alice, wary I shouldn't be in here if Bella was in bed, convalescing or not. The bed was empty. It was unmade but it didn't hold Bella like I had expected it to. The room smelt of flowers and sunlight if that was possible as rays darted into the already bright room. I noticed book on the nightstand and Edward's glasses propped long side them. A breakfast tray was set on the chest at the foot of the low bed and it held its food untouched and cold by now.

And there was a girl sat by the window.

The girl.

Bella.

She was perfectly still and she was gazing out of the window. As I got closer what she was looking at came into view. It was Edward. He was sat outside on a bench with Rosalie. I frowned a little. I guess I shouldn't scoff at whatever connection Edward and Bella had seeing as Alice and I had hit it off within seconds of meeting but – that was poles apart in appropriateness. Both Alice and I were sound of mind. We were adults and consenting at that. I could see nothing consenting about Bella's current situation. From what Emmett, Alice and Carlisle had told me, Bella thought Edward was an angel.

"Bella, sweetie," Alice left my side and crossed the room towards Bella, "Bella?" Alice glanced at me over her shoulder with a worried expression over her face, "Bella? Can you hear me?" it would seem not, Bella continued to stare down at Edward.

I couldn't see her face. I could only see the way she was holding her body like if she let go of herself she would fall apart. Her knuckles were white and I could see the way her fingernails dug into her arm. Fight or flight. All of a sudden I could see my Mother. She would hug her arms around herself in the exact same way. She was always rigid and unable to relax. She was always poised for action in case my Pop slammed into the room and demanded her attention. A growl rumbled in my chest and I had to check myself and remind myself to breath.

"You have a visitor, I hope that is okay, he's been so looking forward to meeting you and now – he is here. Bella?" Alice sat in front of Bella blocking her view of Edward. Bad idea. I heard the strangled whimper tear at Bella's throat.

"Alice," I stepped forward and held out my hand to me beautiful girl.

Alice frowned as Bella became more agitated.

"Alice, move," I hissed.

Alice moved. And Edward reappeared for Bella.

"Bella? Can you hear me? Are you -? I don't understand Jazz. Jazz," Alice moaned.

"It's okay, darlin'," I said quietly, "I can meet Bella another time."

"No, this was – this was not how this was supposed to happen. You saved her, Jazz. You put your life on the line and-."

"Darlin'" Bella said very quietly. She moved her head slightly in my direction.

"- y-es," I stuttered, not quite believing my ears.

"I opened – my eyes – you," Bella tilted her head and this time tore her eyes away Edward completely, "d-darlin'." She mimicked my southern drawl and seemed to taste the words in her mouth.

"Yes, darling," I stood before her and crouched down.

"Whitlock," she looked straight at me from heavy lidded and very bruised eyelids. Her lips were split and the skin of her face was stretched and myriad of stitches and scars and cuts but – underneath, somewhere beneath all of that I saw her. I saw Bella. I saw – I blinked. I swear I saw a spark in her eyes. A bond. Sure, I had to be imagining it and romanticising our meeting but fuck – I felt – my shoulders slumped and I let out a sigh of relief.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi. HPN!**

**It's been a long time coming soooo here is the next chapter. Thank you very much for all the reviews and kind words, I hope you are still reading.**

**Chapter 18**

**Jasper's POV**

_If I thought the stench in the house was bad, nothing prepared me for the wave of disgust and death that hit me as soon as I entered the room behind Diminitri and Alec. The floor boards were sodden with – I wrinkled my nose at the smell of urine and excrement. The floor was cluttered with newspaper and – blood, pools of sticky purple blood mingling with fresh puddles of crimson red. It was up the walls. Dried. Brown and – I saw cracks in the plaster and claw marks and – I swallowed down a mouthful of saliva. It fucking stank or sex and blood and waste._

_And in the middle of it all was James. James and a girl. The girl. She was naked. She was – I cringed backwards at the sight of her, she was a skeleton._

_"WHORE!" James yelled. He hadn't heard me enter, he couldn't have. He was crouched over the girl, pummelling her face with his fists. Her bones crunched and I heard the blood land on the floor with a splatter. Like rain on a sidewalk. I watched, frozen on the spot at what I was witnessing as he yanked her upright by her hair and shoulder and – fuck – I flinched as he drove his knee into her chest and then her ribs with another sickening crack. The girl didn't even cry out. She was limp – like a ragdoll, all bony limbs and flailing skin. With another blow from James's elbow the girl staggered back unable to stay upright and crashed into the wall behind her, sliding down it with a lifeless thud._

_I was stood watching. Just fucking watching as James – James took the girl in his grasp and fumbled with his flies and looked to be –_

_"Hey!" I stepped forward past Alec. This had to stop. I could not stand by and watch James fuck this wounded terrified girl, "James, what the fuck do you think you're doing? Get off of her."_

_I thought I heard James groan as his hips pitched forward, "What? You wanna fuck her? Huh? HUH?" he scowled over his shoulder._

_"I said, get the fuck off of her," I reached for my gun and I knew this would be the end but I'd rather it be the end for me than for this poor girl, "Step away from the girl, on your knees and hands behind your head."_

_"What the fuck?"_

_"I said on your knees, asshole, and hands behind your head!" I yelled. I turned my gun on Alec and Dimitri, urging them to do the same, which they did, quite readily. I saw from the corner of my eye the girl was starting to raise her hands with some difficulty. She was slumped over and her head bobbed as she teetered on the brink of consciousness, "not you darlin'"_

_"Drop your fucking weapon and - On your FUCKING KNEES!" I directed at James. But he held fast, he had a snide smirk on this face as his hands trailed down the girls slick torso and – he turned them both and I could see his dick inside of her and –_

_I shot him. I squeezed the trigger and the bullet tore into his skin. Alec yelped and – I turned the gun on him and Dimitri as James slumped forward and – I shot them too. Disarm. Not to kill. Wound. But – I watched the pair of them thud to the shitty floor before I crossed the room and dragged James off of the girl._

_She was high. Her eyes were rolling into the back of her head and – blood oozed from her mouth and ears. She was – I knelt before her and took her head in my hands – it was her, "Isabella?"_

_She was nodding out or some shit, her body shook and – it was her. Isabella Swan. It was fucking her. She coughed and choked and squirmed and – I glanced down at her battered body, blood was pouring from between her legs, literally pouring. Shit._

_"Suzie," I barked into my phone and I gave the operator the address for an ambulance. Someone had to get here fast before James or any of his other cronies regained consciousness._

_I hesitated. I panicked. I – I had to put her at ease and get her to let me help her._

_"Miss Swan? I'm Detective Whitlock; I'm going to take off my jacket to cover you with, would that be okay? The ambulance will be here any minute darlin'," she groaned and began to convulse with shock. I could hear her bones cracking and crunching at the many breaks over her body shook with her "Bella? Keep your eyes open for me? That's it," her eyes met mine but they weren't here, she wasn't focusing on me. I'd seen that look before. The glazed and distant stare. "Where the fuck is the ambulance, Suzie? – No I'm not hurt, there's a girl here. Multiple stab wounds, breaks – shit! Bella? Darlin' can you hear me? Bella!"_

_I laid her out on the floor and lifted her head back. No she'd choke on all of the blood. And she was still breathing, thank fuck. I rolled her onto her side and arranged the jacket just so over her naked body, wanting to bundle her up into it and into my arms. I checked her pulse, I don't know what the fuck for if I could see her breathing but – my hands shook and my head hurt and – don't die, Bella, please don't die. Don't die on me. I should have come sooner, I should have known. Please don't die._

Bella blinked at me and then she blinked again. Her lower lip was trembled but she seemed to be trying to be brave.

"You – and J-james," she muttered, her eyes dropping from mine and into her lap, "y-you-."

I nodded smiled sadly at her. I could feel Alice hovering behind me but I ignored her and instead sat back on my heels.

"- I – I-," she pulled her head to one side sharply and closed her eyes, her eyelids still heavilt bruised and shining with sweat, "Thank you, D-de- detective."

"Jasper," I corrected softly.

"Oh Bella," Alice sighed, "you brought Jasper and I together if it hadn't been for you then we would never have met and I've met my share of douches, I can tell you, we should really be thanking you not that we'd like to thank this situation but Jasper and I had never met despite him being friends with my douche bother and – I guess, I'm trying to say is, well thank you's aren't nessecary here and -."

"Alice," I smiled behind me and shook my head.

"Sorry," Alice grinned, rolling her eyes at herself, "Bella, I should explain that I have bundles of energy and I always have since I was a little kid and I take these pills to calm me down, you see but sometimes when things aren't routine I can't help but just – want to burst with exceitement because it's new and exciting and, like you know how when you see something for the first time and – oh, I'm doin it again, I'm sorry, I know I can be overwhelming, it is something you get used to."

Bella rose an eyebrow up at Alice and nodded slowly.

"All you have to do is give me a look just like that one and I will try to tone it down to a bearable level. We're going shopping today and even though it'd be pretty sweet if you and Eddie could join us I know you aren't well enough so I have made a metal list of all the things you'll need, I hope you don't mind. I love shopping!" Alice started to giggle and I sighed inwardly, gazing across at Bella who was staring at Alice as if she had two heads, "you'll need some pumps and some sweats and I was thinking we could do something with your hair when you feel better, how would you like to be a red head? It was soooo compliment your skin tone and I'll have to get you some oil, they make some great stuff at liberty's, a makeup store I have an account with. The oils will help your scarring oh and there's this cream Daddy mentioned that brings out bruises and gets rid of them in a few days! We should soooo try some of that and I bet you would like some makeup for when you are feeling better – Oooohhh good, Edward, shall we buy Bella some music and some books because it must be crazy boring with nothing to do."

"Alice, breathe," Edward was stood at the doorway, leaning against the jamb his arms crossed over his chest. I wasn't sure how long he had been there but he looked calm and kind of happy watching the three of us all interacting.

"You can shush, big brother, I have a long list for you too mainly Abercrombie & Fich stuff and I know you will wear it even though you favour those disgusting levi's and hoodie. Bella, you and I are going to have to work on his wardrobe when you feel better-."

"Okay okay," Edward wandered into the room and I watched him lock eyes with Bella. They seemed to have some kind of private conversations before he reached down and brushed a trendily of hair from her eyes. I'd seen Edward be gentle and caring plenty of times, he was a doctor for fucks sake but – it was rare to see him with a girl. Even rarer for him to be so chilled around them.

"B-books," Bella spoke.

All three of us turned to look at her and she was addressing Alice.

"I – I will p – lease," she groaned at the back of her throat and seemed to start to get frustrated with herself, "I like – to re-read."

"Then we'll buy the whole of Barnes and Noble!" Alice clapped her hands together making Bella jump slightly.

"Alice," Edward hissed, "pipe down."

"It's okay," Bella interrupted Edward and covered his hand in hers, "Th-thank you, Alice."

I watched Bella and Edward's silent exchange and it was time for us to leave. They needed time alone, Carlisle had clocked it right and, I guess as much as Bella's situation broke my heart I was pleased for my buddy but a little scared for him too. What if I had found my Alice beaten and broken and defeated? Fuck, it didn't bear thinking about. Would I have stuck around like it felt like Edward was going to? A better man would say yes but – I don't know, I have demons. Big scary, dark ghosts prowl at the back of my mind most days ready to pounce. Faced with Bella – they were fast creeping up on me so fuck knows how I could handle it if she were my Alice. Was I one of those better men?

I gazed down at my hands and traced the line of an age old scar across my knuckles. No. I wasn't better. I wasn't good. I was blessed that I got out when I could. Bella hadn't had that and – I rose quickly and strode to the door. I needed some air.

**Edward's POV**

The morning passed quickly. I sat with Bella as I listened to the hustle and bustle of the house grow more boisterous as my family prepared for their shopping trip and then with a slam of the front door silence prevailed.

Bella seemed to relax more once the house was quiet and she knew it was just us but she did ask me who else was in the house whenever our eyes met. She warily eyed the door and seemed to shudder each time she did. I watched her. I watched for hours as she fought sleep with her heavy eyelids dropping and her breathing becoming heavier. She was clearly exhausted and finally – I smiled as her eyelids lulled down for the last time and she fell asleep.

Soundlessly I retrieved Carlisle's laptop from his study and powered it up, muting the sound so not to wake Bella. First I checked my emails and emptied it of any junk mail and then I brought up google.

I typed in several sites I knew about and had in the past referred other doctors to when faced with a traumatised patient. And then – I may regret it what the hell, I typed in his name.

James Cooven. Son of Laurant and Jane Cooven. I clicked on the geneaology link. Jane Cooven, deceased. I clicked again and – Bree Cooven sister – deceased. John Cooven – brother last employment Miama . I soundlessly shifted in my seat as a wave of discomfort washed over me. Miama. I don't know what the fuck I was doing, really. James was laid up in a hospital bed, he was no longer a threat but – the image of the small hand print on Bella's back kept swimming to the front of my many jumbled thoughts. Clearly the whole family were on the wrong side of the law. John Cooven had been convicted with several drug charges and – I clicked on Laurant Cooven's biography and began to read down the list of business awards and high profile people he was associated with.

Backing up a little I went back to google and brought up The New York Post. Laurant owned clubs in both New York and Boston. Private members clubs and from some of the photographs of well-known actors and musicians coming up on the screen, I would say pretty successful one too. Taking out my phone I tapped the screen against my chin. I should call Jazz or Carlisle but instead the orderly I knew worked on the ICU came to mind.

"Hey, Johnny," I spoke in a hushed voice into my phone, "when do you go on shift?"

"Ten mins, bro," Johnny answered, "Why? What's up? Hey how's that Bella chick doing? Maggie in X-ray said you dischar-."

"Could you find out who's been visiting James Cooven?" I asked him gently, wary of waking Bella.

"Other than fucking shitloads of cops, you mean?" Johnny snorted.

"them too," I nodded, "but more family members and women. Security keeps a list of that shit, right?"

"Fucking A they keep a list and I guess I should tell you some journalists have been sniffing around," Johnny told me, "Oh and your detective friend. He was here last night and the night before that too. He's the one who shot him, right?"

I blinked. What? I cleared my throat, "What?"

"Detective Whitlock," Johnny continued, "the cowboy, dude."

"Shit."

"Wh – Edward?" Bella was peering at me, her eyes wide and her bottom lip trembling.

"Okay, thanks, John," I cut off our conversation sliding my phone back into my pocket and moved to her side, "hey," I whispered, pushing a strand of hair from her face, "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?"

She shook her head but I knew different so I tapped out two pills for her to take with a mouthful of water. I listened to her gulp in the silence of the room and I saw her wince at some unspoken pain.

What the hell was Jasper doing visiting James? Miami raced around my head as I thought about his family and drugs and – why Bella? Why the fascination with a girl who had had everything going for her? And – Emmett, James had known Emmett. Right?

Bella and I spent the morning in the bedroom Esme had set her up in. She slept mostly, lulled to sleep by the meds I had given her. Every so often she would whimper in her sleep and her face would crease with pain or anguish. I watched her move and began to differentiate between pain and nightmares. With each sigh I brushed my hand down her face, soothing away her frowns and with each moan or mew I would kiss her cheek, holding her near, trying to protect all the shit I had no chance in hell of chasing away. But fuck, I'd do it all day and all night long for her if that's what she needed to get some sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi! Thank you very much for the new reviews and the kind words. The exaggerated version of Alice is not as I would have liked. I'm going to work on her character and see where it leads me. I am pouring all of my efforts and energy into Bella and Edward's relationship.**

**Thanks again. Any suggestions welcome before I start with the next chapter Edward has been very calm for the last few chapters, I am feeling an Edward angsty chapter looming on the horizon.**

**Chapter 19**

**Bella's POV**

Black. Dreaming of blank space. Not even shadows, just nothing, swimming in a pool of nothing. There was nothing left to give. There was – I drifted and I was floating towards nothing. Blank space and black nothingness that embraced me and made me think the worst was over.

But something swam into view. A tiny flicker at first and – I was still swimming, motionless, buoyed and – him. Always him. Them. My mouth clamped shut willing the screams to go away, that ache in the back of my throat to scream and holler and just shout it all away but what good do words do? What good did anything do? They were – here and here was black and suddenly red and bright and hot and –

"Shhhhhh," just a whisper at first, "Shhhh, calm. Stay calm, my love."

My angel. He was here again. Where was he in this gloom? The floor was awash with fresh blood and – no they were here, he didn't with belong them, them.

"NO!" I screamed. Fuck, I screamed and now they would burrow and fold and - , "Oh – go-."

"Bella," the whisper. My angel. Edward, "please, take some deep breaths with me, do you remember? In, slowly draw it in and -."

"NO. no no nonoooo," I studdered out. Please make it go away. Where was the blank black space. Where was my ending? Where was –

"Yes," Edward's words licked at my ear, "yes you can do this. Together we can. Breathe with me, love. Do you feel it?"

Did I feel what?

Did i- ? Oh. I could feel his chest. It was rising and falling slowly and – up and down, nice and slow. His words. And – I wanted to be like his air. I wanted to be in his breathing and be like his calm. I tried to match my breathing with his. Slowly. In and –

"Edward," I whimpered, panicked I wasn't his yet.

"Calm, love," Edward spoke. Calm, "Open your eyes, see where you are. You are safe, I promise you, you are safe."

I opened my eyes and light hit my eyes. Not unlike the black with its blank space. But then more focused as I started to calm down from waking. Furniture. Brand new furniture that wasn't broken. Carpet. Light and windows and – I stretched my toes out and felt warm, soft fabric at my toes. Warmth. And a bed. And pain. There was pain but it was mingled with electricity, a buzzing that spread down my back and – him. It was Edward. He was holding me from behind and his hand was pressed gently to my chest as he tapped lightly to the beat of our hearts and breathing.

"I love you," I said firmly and boldly to the windows. I could not see him but I could feel him. I could feel his love radiating from his chest which was flush with my back. I could feel his legs on the backs of my legs. I could feel his feet, twisting with mine. He was warmth and love and comfort.

"Bella-," he sighed and I felt his lips brush against my ear as his words began to soothe, "My Bella, my love -," I smiled languidly and stretched out, sighing contentedly. My Angel loved me back, "My Bella, my love," he repeated, "My Bella, my love, my all." I smiled again only my lips stretched too wide and the corners they – I gasped in pain. The corners of my mouth started to gush blood and – I choked as my tongue began to split in the same way and blood tried to drown me, "Bella, My Bella, my love, my whore."

"Edward!"

I sat bolt upright and – no one was there. Blank space in my bed. The light warm bed. And – my whole body rolled with pain and I – burnt and was alone. I was – my angel. And James. Where was I? My mind raced and my hands and legs started to shake as I realised I was not safe. How could I be?

No one was here. I was in a house – a house I didn't know, I wasn't anywhere. I was nothing. And Edward? My mind span. No one was here. No one was here to tell me to – breathe and hurt and I was confused. Was this real? Where was the black I was promised? Where was my ending? My calm. My Mom.

"Oh Mom," I moaned and became frantic again. Quick. Fast. Everything all at once until – I threw up. I was sweating. I needed my peace. I threw up again and there was blood on the white rug. There was blood everywhere, "Edward!" I screamed. I screamed. I had – scream and he will smile and do not scream, don't –

"Edward!" I shouted out again. I yelled it. I didn't care about the dream. I wanted him here. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

"- what? What is it?" Edward rushed into the room. He was dripping wet and – half naked with just a towel around his waist. My eyes widened and – my breath hitched again this time in a groan as bile rose up in my throat again, "hey, shush," he was instantly at my side and I threw up into something. A wastepaper basket he was holding for me, "take it easy, love. Calm down – breathe," I cringed back at his words from the dream, "it's me, you know where you are, Bella. Take a deep breath, you're safe, I promise you that you are safe. No one can hurt you here."

I eyed him suspiciously, my panic easing slightly. You can hurt me, I thought quietly. Anyone in this house could hurt me and be like 'them'. What was stopping them? What stopped anyone from doing anything?

"Bella?" Edward was looking at me with – I saw something in his eyes and I didn't like it. Pain. He looked hurt and – , "Bella, you do know where you are, don't you?"

I nodded. Just one nod. I had to answer. They always expected an answer.

"And you know who I am?" I nodded again, "because – you're kind of looking at me like you don't." he frowned, setting down the basket on the floor, "what happened?"

I stayed silent. What was he going to do? He looked sad and angry. I wasn't sure how to answer him correctly, what answer would he like?

"I can't help you if I don't know what happened."

"N-n-ightmare-," I whispered, casting my eyes down. I didn't want him looking at me anymore. A tiny sob escaped in my throat and the panic began to return as I thought of it.

"Right," the bed moved and I watched Edward walk away. Away. I began to cry. I had upset him. He was angry at me and I never wanted anger or - , "here," he was back again, in front of me and his voice was so light and gentle, "put this on for me and then I want to show you something, is that okay?"

"I -," I eyed the garment he was handing me. It was a robe. White and clean and soft as I took it in my shaking clammy hands, "- s-sorry."

Edward smiled and his face came level with mine. He didn't say anything else but he helped me off of the bed and into the robe. The heavy fabric hurt my shoulders as he slid it on but – it felt so warm and comfortable I didn't want to shrug it off again. I didn't know what Edward wanted of me or what he wanted to show me so I stood awkwardly, waiting for him as he put on his own robe, folding it over and tying it loosely the same as he had done mine. I watched his hands. They were big and his knuckles were big but – his skin was smooth and delicate. I –

Hesitantly and forgetting myself and my place I reached out my hand to his. Edward stopped busying himself with his robe and let my fingers pass over his knuckles. I dipped my own fingers into the deep dents between each bone and then I bumped along them and then back again. They weren't so scary. They weren't bruised or cut. They – my own didn't match his. His were perfect. Look at mine, mine were scarred and scabbed and disgusting. I wanted to see – how perfect he was. Angels were flawless – and I smiled a little knowing full well that Edward was not an actual angel but he was to me.

"What?" Edward whispered, opening one of his hands so I could trace my fingers over his palms.

I shook my head once and pushed my hand up from his palm to his wrist and then his forearm hidden behind the robe. He was so smooth. Clean.

"I – I feel dif-different to – you," I rasped out.

"You are," he spoke quietly and his voice drew me in closer. I finally looked up into his face and I couldn't help but close the distance between us and rest my body against his where we stood. I was tired and I wanted his electricity to give me some strength again, "but that doesn't mean I don't understand you," he whispered into my hair as he held me, "or I can't help you with what you are going through."

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, "wha-what am I – going through?"

"Too much, my love, too much," he kissed my hair again, "shall we clean our teeth and then go downstairs?"

I nodded and he helped me into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Whilst I slowly and carefully brushed, Edward cleaned up the mess I had made. Whilst brushing my eyes wandered around the room and my eyes settled on the bathtub Edward had bathed me in. Where I had sat naked whilst he washed me and murmured words of encouragement and love.

Love.

Naked. I'd been naked and he hadn't had sex with me. I frowned slightly, what did that mean?

I blinked and wondered what that meant for me. What did he mean to me, my angel? And what did his patience mean? Was it a cruel trick? Was I ever going back – there? He said not but – I wondered if this was heaven and it had all ended. Had I died like I they and I had planned?

"Are you ready?"

I span around and Edward was watching me, his eyes green and vivid and genuine. The eyes of the boy I had held onto for so long, that little last memory of the real world outside of James's reign.

I nodded and finished up, carefully shuffling around the sink with my awkward cast and slow movements. Edward helped me out of the room and down the stairs, one step at a time moving at my pace not his. His hand held mine and his other braced me at my side in case I fell or started to sway. When we reached the bottom I was exhausted but I was determined to see whatever it was Edward wanted to show me.

"It's just through here," Edward spoke softly as if reading my mind. He left me at the foot of the stairs to open up two glass double doors and then he scooted back to me to help me inside, "I figured we couldn't go outside because it's raining – again," he groaned, "but this room is sort of outside."

It was – I blinked at all of the light flooding into the room from the walls of windows. Even the roof was glass and I could see everything – everything outside. I could hear the wind and the rain pattering on the glass and – I peered beyond the glass at the trees and the plants and the sky. It was open. Freedom. Nothing could ever be wrong with so much light and space.

"Do you like it?" Edward was holding me up now as my energy disappeared. Carefully he led me to a huge white cushion that was plumped up on a wicker frame, setting me gently down into it and he brought a smaller wicker frame and cushion for me to rest my legs on.

"I – l- love it-t," I mumbled, with a small smile, "Tha-thank you."

"You're welcome," he dropped another kiss on my forehead and then – he hesitated as he straightened up and kissed my cheek, "Carlisle's ordered us to eat breakfast lunch and dinner today so I will be right back with some food, will you be okay for a little while without me?"

I nodded and my eyes were already trained outside on all of the trees and flowers and the vast expanse of tendered grass. I didn't take much notice of the room until Edward had left it but after he had gone my anxiety began to get the better of me again.

It was a large room. A glass room and – the couch I was sitting in, there were three others like it all in the middle facing one another. Potted plants were dotted around beside the glass walls and by the door there was a stand holding a basket full of gardening tools and – a radio.

A radio.

I watched it for a few seconds. Music. I began to hum a tune that I often hummed to myself and – I wanted to hear it for myself. There was lots I wanted to do. There were magazines stacked in one corner and I wanted to leaf through those and look at all of the glossy pages. There had been a TV in my room up the stairs and I wanted to watch that. I wanted to walk outside and see all the plants and trees up close. I wanted to lie on the grass and close my eyes and pretend that Edward and I were in the meadow from my dream. I wanted him to hold me again and kiss my cheek again and – I wanted him back – now.

"Edward?" I whispered, knowing he wouldn't be able to hear me.

I eyed the radio again.

"Edward," I said a little louder this time but still there was silence. And the radio -. I sat up off of the soft back of the couch. Edward? I should wait for him but – it was quiet, "- E-Edward," I lifted my legs off of the smaller cushioned table and steeled myself to stand up. My knees creaked and back stiffened against some pain and I – the radio.

"Hey, what are you up to?" Edward was suddenly there in front of me. I hadn't even heard him come into the room and – I blinked. Confused. Where had he come from? He was smiling. But his eyes were narrow. He was teasing me.

"I - ," I smiled and wanted to make a joke but I wasn't sure what was funny or what I could say, "- I was- going to listen to that," I gestured to the still silent radio.

"Sit," Edward nodded to the couch behind me, "please," he added carefully, and he flicked the radio on and turned the volume down, "Esme has it tuned to classical, is that ok?"

I nodded and sat back down in the chair with a sigh of both pain and relief.

"I thought we could eat and then I can do some of your vitals and we could talk, how does that sound?" Edward was proffering me a plate of food. I looked at it suspiciously. I was hungry, "You have to eat, Bella."

I took the plate. It had crackers and cheese on it and cold cuts. There was tea on the tray Edward had brought in and two cans of soda. I smiled. The coke Carlisle had given me yesterday had been sweet and tingled at my tongue. Bravely I reached down and I took one of the cans and cracked it open, catching Edward's bemused smile as I did so. I returned it with a small smile of my own and ate and drank. Whilst we ate Edward made conversation, talking about his job and then some more about his Dad and Emmett. He spoke so clearly and confidently. His deep velvet voice was soothing and once again I found myself wanting to press my ear to his chest and hear it rumble in his body and mine.

He cleared away out plates and empty cans and when he returned he came with a leather bag. The sight of it made me stiffen slightly, wondering what was inside and – he had changed into jeans and a t-shirt.

"I'll take your blood pressure first," he knelt down at my feet and opened the case, "and then I'll take a look at those stitches and those bones we talked about yesterday, okay?" I watched him. He'd taken my blood pressure before so I nodded and moved to take off the large robe. Untying the cord with shaky hands I pulled it back and – my shirt had ridden up and I wasn't wearing any underwear but Edward simply pulled the hem down a little and kissed my shaking hand, "ask me to stop at any time, love."

He pumped up the blood pressure band and we waited so that he could jot it down as it deflated. Then he listened to my heart and scribbled something else down onto his pad, "If you could lean forward slightly for me, Bella. And would it be okay if I lifted you shirt from your back?" I did as he said and felt him pull the fabric away from my back and his light, expert hands ghosted over my spine, "okay and straighten up for me-," he muttered. I carefully tried to sit up straight, "is there any pain there, Bella?"

Was there?

"Bella, I have to know so that you can treat correctly," I felt his hands again but this time on my waist. I jumped slightly and tried to muffle a gasp, "Would you like to stop?"

I nodded and hated the tear which slid down my cheek.

"Hey," Edward's arms closed around me and he started humming to the violins that floated from the radio, "Take some deep breaths and remember where you are."

I did as he said and opened my eyes to the room around me. It wasn't a room though, it was an extension of outside and I liked outside with its fresh air and open spaces. Still shaking slightly I turned a little to look at Edward. His head was tilted to one side and he had a sad expression on his face. He shouldn't be sad. So I smiled. A lazy, awkward smile that hurt my still sore face but to receive a smile back from him was worth it.

"Ready?" he asked me.

I nodded.

"Are you in pain?"

I nodded and bit my lip.

"I'm going to put some pressure on your spine, could you tell me where it hurts?" he asked of me, "I'm sorry, my love I need to know where it hurts the most, I promise I'll be as gentle as possible." I nodded and he asked me to stand. I stood and I felt him lift the shirt again. I took a deep breath as his hands explored my back, "Here?" I winced but it wasn't painful. I didn't like being prodded, "Bella?"

"N- no."

"Here?" he pressed again but further down. I shook my head and bit my lip again, "Here?" he travelled down my back and it started to hurt as he got lower, "here?" he pressed and I couldn't help the yelp that shuddered out of my lips, "can you describe the pain?"

"- b-b-burning," I muttered, like hot pokers piercing my skin and crunching the bones with it's heat, "it – hu-rts," I brushed furiously at the tears sliding down my face.

"If I don't push on it, does it hurt then?"

I started to cry harder now. Pain was bad. Pain meant – them. The shadows.

"Bella?"

"Yes but not b-burning," I whispered, closing my eyes, "I – I more – stinging p-pa-pain."

"Okay, good girl. One last thing and then you can rest," Edward came around to face me and kissed the tip of my nose, "you're amazing," he winked, "Sit down but stay on the edge of the seat."

I sat down and crouched down in front of me.

"I need to ask you a few things, sweetie, and I know the questions are going to make you feel uncomfortable so I want you to do your best to stay calm and remember you're safe and nothing's going to hurt you here, ok?"

"o-ok," I whispered.

"Do you -," he closed his eyes and his words stuck in his throat just like mine did sometimes. Carefully I reached forward and cupped his face with my hands hoping to give him strength just like he gave me his. His eyes opened, green eyes that sang with their colour, "- can you tell me if there was a woman at the house James ha-."

I immediately went still and tried my hardest to keep the shadows away. I think I sobbed or I cried out or – suddenly I was in Edward's arms. He shhh'd and soothed me and he was talking but I couldn't hear his words over the rush of blood in my ears.

"Bella? Bella, love, please stay with me -," I heard. I think I heard.

Bodies and women and screaming in the night and – a voice another woman's voice that was not pained. That did not scream. That I thought was safe. A woman's voice that made James's torture bearable. Anything but her.

"- please – pl- please don't-," I sobbed, "d-don't make me s-say say. I can't te- tell you I can't breathe, please Edward, please don't make me – not her - sh – she-."

"Okay, okay, shhhh," Edward soothed, "Okay baby, calm down. Take some slow, easy breaths."

I clawed at his shirt and I buried my face into his chest, anything to get closer to him. Anything to get away from them.

**Edward's POV**

Have you ever watched someone fall apart right in front of your eyes? I have many times at the hospital when I have had to tell families bad news. You see them crumple in on themselves and it breaks your heart every fucking time but right now – hearing Bella gasp and sob at the mere mention of I don't know who – fuck it was killing me.

"- please – pl- please don't-," she repeated over and over, "d-don't make me s-say say. I can't te- tell you I can't breathe, please Edward, please don't make me – not her - sh – she-."

"Okay, okay, shhhh," Edward soothed, "Okay baby, calm down. Take some slow, easy breaths." I held her and passed my fingers through her hair, I let her push and pull me back and forth as she grasped for me and some other part of her that didn't want my contact pushed me away. She was split down the middle. At that point I don't think she knew where she was. Or who she was with.

"Bella, please calm down," I had to say something. Silent tears streamed down my face for her. Fuck, I was crying for us, "take some deep breaths. Yesterday you said you would try for us. You have to get better and that won't happen if you hold onto your memories. Let it go, love, let them all go."

Silence; except for her heavy breaths and sniffs and coughs as she struggled to get air into her lungs. This wasn't about gleaning information from her to tell Carlisle anymore. It was going to eat her whole if she kept it in. Plus I wanted to nail the fuckers who had done this to her.

"Vic – Victoria," she huffed out.

I nodded my encouragement for her to go on.

"She- she paid – I think. I don't know, I don't knooow," she moaned.

"Okay," I took her shaking hands and pulled them away from her face making a note to ask Alice to maybe trim her fingernails down, "tell me what you do know, Bella."

"I know – sh – she hurt," Bella's wide brown eyes met mine, "she liked to – hurt and she played – ga-games and a – she had a camera. She – she wanted women – to have sex with women."

I listened. I listened very closely to every detail and with every word my stomach churned even more. I couldn't believe my fucking ears.

"- I'm sorry – I'm sorry – I di- didn't wa- want t-t-t-t-to and I'm a whore, I'm a fucking whore a- al – all the time and – they said – and," Bella began to ramble, "I – c-came. I'm sorry, I – I – I'm o-one of them, don't hate me – pleeease don't let- go-."

"Bella-," I shook my head. I didn't quite understand what she meant, she was one of them? "slow down. Take your time."

"Th-they m-m-m-made me enjoy it," her eyes were screwed shut, her hands were tight fists in mine, her body was coiled so tight, "I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm – I'm ssssick in the head."

"Bella, listen to me," I couldn't believe what the fuck I was hearing, "please look at me," she opened her eyes. That was one thing she always did, she always did what I asked her. I wasn't sure I liked it because it was one of the things she must have learnt from James and his mess of fucked up clients and followers, "You didn't enjoy it, the drugs did. There were traces of amphetamines and heroin in your system. They drugged you and elevated your mood away from the real Bella that sits here in front of me now. Fuck, anyone could pump me full of crack and do all those fucked things to me and I'd laugh and orgasm and then laugh some more about but that doesn't make it right. It," I squeezed her hands, "is," I kissed her nose, "not," I tugged a tuft of hair that hung before her face, "you," and I kissed the side of her mouth, lingering a little just to be near to her, "please, don't lose to them."

"She was black," Bella whispered, and she initiated another kiss, she pressed her lips to mine. A chaste closed kiss but a kiss nonetheless that shot bolts all through my body and stopped me from fucking losing it, "long black hair – in br-bra-raids and – and a ta-tattoo on h-her back of a ssssnake," her head jerked quickly and sharply. I withdrew a little to watch her, the doctor in me knowing she was developing a tic, "v-vvvictoria. I – I don't kn- know her – lllast name."

"Can I tell the cops about her?" I asked quietly wanting to capture this fucked up woman, "It might mean you have to give a formal statement now? She needs to be caught, my love."

Bella nodded and burst into tears, throwing herself at me and crying into my neck.

I held her and my jaw tightened with every strangled sob that ripped from her chest. I glared at the heavy rain pouring down the glass. Victoria. She was fucking going to pay for what she did to my girl and once she did I was going after James and the rest of his fucked up family.


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you again for the reviews and kind words. Happy reading folks

Edward's POV

By the end of our day together Bella was exhausted. It was four in the afternoon when she finally cried all her tears and fell asleep wrapped in my arms. She felt so light on my chest, too light and I noticed how her breathing whistled in and out with each breath. Yet another affliction to add to the fucking long list to injuries and observations to get checked out. She'd need a scan and some x-rays. Yeah, that was going to be a barrel of laughs getting her to the hospital for that.

I was beat. And I would have fallen asleep with my Bella in the conservatory if I wasn't anticipating my family back home. Jazz had some explaining to do and I wanted Carlisle's opinion on some shit and I had to call the cops in charge of Bella's case and arrange a meeting. Shit, I closed my eyes and tried my hardest not to think how that would go over. Not tomorrow. I couldn't handle another day like today. Both Bella and I needed a day not to talk about this shit and just chill. Maybe some DVD's and lots of sleeping.

Carefully I manoeuvred myself from underneath Bella. As her warmth left me so did my resolve. I couldn't hold onto my patience any longer and I needed out. Grabbing a beer from the fridge I found Carlisle's secret stash of cigarettes in the garage and lit one up in the garden. I walked in the rain around to the conservatory so I could still see Bella. She was asleep. Her face was at peace, knocked out by emotion and her meds. Tonight I would do the same and ask her to take something for her anxiety too.

Swigging back the beer I drew on the cigarette and scrolled down my phone. I had several missed calls from a few friends and a text message from Alice asking me if we were okay. I ignored them all and called Johnny again.

"Hey man," he picked up on the fourth ring, "What's up?"

"Hey," I ground my teeth, fucking pissed he could sound so cheerful, "any visitors?"

"Yeah, hang on, bro," there was shuffling and I heard a door click and then another, "hey- I'm back," his voice echoed and I knew he was in a bathroom somewhere in the hospital, "some dude visited an hour after you called, Benjamin Lasario. I don't know who he is but he was wearing some sweet threads."

I nodded and committed the name to memory.

"This afternoon a woman and a little girl visited. They didn't write down the girls name 'cos she's a minor but the chick was Judy Marnio."

"Right, got it, thanks man."

"Wait, Edward!" Johnny called out before I could hang up, "Don't you know who that is?"

"No, should I?"

"Yeah man, geez. She's Mario Marnio's wife."

"You're going to have to spell it out to me, Johnny," I sighed, tugging on the cigarette again.

"He runs half of Manhattan, he's got clubs and office's all over, cops in his pocket and fucking FBI queuing up to shake his hand. He's some big shot and his old lady is always on page six."

"Thanks Johnny, I owe you one."

"Anytime," and he hung up.

Next I called the team at the station who were in charge of Bella's case. I told them Bella was willing and able to make a statement and I gave them a brief rundown of what Bella had told me. The two investigating detectives asked to come right away but I declined, "Miss. Swan's health isn't good and I would prefer if you could come on Saturday. At the earliest," I added. They begrudgingly agreed and would come at eleven giving Bella plenty of time to wake up properly and have breakfast.

I finished the beer and cigarette, heading back in side. Carefully I laid a blanket over Bella and decided against turning off the radio, if she woke it would be better to wake to some music. I tidied up a little and then moved to the kitchen needing a distraction. The kitchen was in it's usual organised disarray with all of Esme's catalogues and files piled up on the work surface and freshly laundered washing folded on the chaise longue by the window. The sink was empty and – I sighed and tugged at my hair. What the fuck was I going to do? I couldn't ignore the pain in my chest forever. I literally fucking ached for Bella and it was getting worse. She needed me but – shit, I needed her a lot more.

All these years. Lonely, long and hard years. There were countless date nights with non-descript girls and hook ups with women that couldn't hold a candle to Bella. Why after so long was this suddenly dumped at my feet, fate demanding I shoulder the pain of falling in love with a girl I hardly knew. A girl who was so broken I wasn't sure how to fix her.

"Son?"

I span around, surprized at the voice behind me. I'd been standing in the middle of the kitchen pulling at my hair – it was getting dark outside now and the rain had stopped at last. I hadn't realised the time.

"Hey bro," Jazz swaggered into the kitchen and headed for the fridge.

I watched him. I really watched him. I wanted to demand what the fuck he was doing visiting James. Hell, I wanted to beat it out of him if I had to but something stopped me. Bella was in the next room. But it was something else too. I trusted Jazz. I was a pretty good judge of character and whatever it was he was doing, it had to be a cop thing.

But he's on leave, my brain sneered at me.

"How's Bells?" Emmett clapped a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, "Hey – shit, you're antsy, bro, everything okay?"

"Yeah," I muttered, "Good trip?"

"Yeah," Emmett rolled his eyes, "shopping's always top of my list," he laughed, "So what's up? Everything cool?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "we have to talk."

All of the girls clattered in then rustling their shopping bags and laughing and talking, shedding raincoats and jumpers. All three stopped in their tracks when they saw all of us stood in the kitchen in silence.

"What's the matter?" Esme asked, "is Bella alright?"

"What do you think?" I snarled and instantly regretted it, "sorry," I thrust my hands in my pockets and shook my head.

"Alice, darling, why don't you fetch some take out menu's and call in some food for us all," Carlisle broke the awkward silence of concern in the room and he led me to the kitchen counter, pushing me down into a chair, "Em, there's some brandy in the cupboard beside the fridge."

"I don't need a drink," I muttered.

"No but I do," Carlisle aid quietly, "everyone sit down."

Everyone sat. Emmett sat nearest to me and slung his arm around my shoulders, clapping me on the back. It only made me feel more nauseous. Someone pushed a beer in front of me and I took a long, gratifying gulp. They all chattered around me but I didn't hear them, I was lost in everything Bella had told me.

"I ordered Chinese," Alice said above the voices, "Edward, what is it?"

"Bella's going to make a statement Saturday," I said quietly looking over at Jasper, "against a woman called Victoria who beat and raped her too – shit." I hung my head and clasped my hands at the back of my neck, wishing my words weren't true somehow.

The whole table went very still. No one spoke but I felt Emmett's hand leave my back and a chair scraping back on the tiled floor.

"Emmett," Rosalie sighed.

"A – a woman?" Alice whispered, "But – why? How?"

"I don't fucking know, Alice!" I grunted, "if I knew that-." I glared across at her, "Fuck!"

"Hey, keep your voice down, you'll wake Bella up," Rose flicked something at me but I didn't see what it was. I was too fucking angry, "Emmett, sit down. Now!" she demanded.

"Well?" I threw over at Jasper, "What's the superstar cop got to say about that? Did you know about this?"

"Edward," Esme sighed.

"I -," Jazz shook his head, "I didn't know."

"Do you know why Mario Marnio's wife is visiting that piece of shit in the hospital?" I spat, "You better fucking tell me now if you do, Jazz because I don't know what's going on and I got a feeling you do."

"Judy Marnio?" Alice spluttered, "The fashion model?"

"I've heard of the Marnio's," Carlisle tapped the side of his glass and I could see his brain working trying to piece things together, if there was anything to piece together, "yes – I -," his face fell and his eyes flickered over Emmett for a millisecond. No one else noticed but I did. I knew my father inside and out and I knew he'd happened across something in the back of some memory somewhere.

"What is it, Dad?" I asked, "anything? Just say it. Please?"

"He was at Charlie's funeral," he said simply and carefully.

Emmett's head snapped up, "What?"

"He was there with his first wife, I forget her name now," he frowned, waving his hand dismissively, "I distinctly remember him because he was the only guest there who did not pay his respects to you, Emmett."

"I – I don't know what this means," Emmett looked to me and I in turn shrugged. Fuck knows, "So you're telling me some guy who rocked up to my dad's funeral is linked to James?"

"It looks that way, yes," Carlisle turned toward Jasper, "if you know anything about this, Jasper, now would be the time to start talking."

All eyes were on Jasper now. He sat with Alice and I could tell they were holding hands under the table. He looked calm, he looked like a fucking undercover cop, composed and dark and brooding.

"You know I can't talk about the case, Carlisle," he shrugged.

"The fuck you can!" Emmett roared, on his feet again, "That's my little sister in there , man! This ain't just some other case, it's our lives! You either tell me what the fuck is going on or I'm going to pound it out of you, so help me Go-"

"Yeah, that's real smart, dude. Kick the shit out of a cop, see how far that gets you," Jasper sneered.

Emmett had Jasper by the shirt and out of his chair before any of us could move fast enough to hold him back.

"Emmett!" Alice and Esme cried. I noticed Rosalie sat back and simply watching, as I did. There was no way I was getting in between the two of them but Carlisle was there almost as quickly as Emmett.

"Enough!" he shouted above their yelling, "have some control and respect, both of you!"

"This is bullshit, doc!" Emmett grabbed Jasper's shirt and pulled him up and almost off of his feet, "how long did you know my little sister was there for huh? And those other women, huh? HUH! How much FUCKING longer were you going to wait, man? Serve and protect my fucking ASS!"

"Emmett, stop it!" Alice jumped to Jasper's rescue, "He didn't know. Okay? He didn't know. Jasper?" my little sister stared into Jasper's face, her face tilted up and her eyes expectant waiting for him to back her up. I guess waiting for him to tell her he didn't know anything about any of it and he was the knight in shining armour she wanted him to be. But the world didn't work that way. Not everyone is a saint. In fact, I didn't know a single person who didn't have their flaws and their faults or falls of grace. Alice had always been naive enough to think otherwise which kind of explained the high pedestal she'd put Jasper up on.

"Jasper?" Alice whispered.

Jasper groaned and winced as his eyes clouded over and I could tell he was trying his hardest to think of a way out of Emmett and now Alice's interrogation, "It was my job, Al, I had to -," he cleared his throat and shook Emmett off of him, staggering back and righting his rucked shirt, "- I had a job to do but I didn't know the extent of James's – crimes, I swear, okay?" he held up his palms to Emmett who looked about ready to tear his head off, "I – I'm sorry but this goes way deeper than petty drug crimes, okay?"

"Did you befriend Edward to get to Emmett?" My father spoke deeply and sadly.

I turned to look at him, shocked. Had Jasper befriended me to – I – shit, had he? What the hell was going on here?

"Yeah," Jasper said clearly and very confidently for someone surrounded by Cullen's. Alice gasped and clapped her hands over her mouth.

"Are you part of an investigation against the Marnio's?" Carlisle asked.

Jasper nodded, "You know I can't talk about that."

"What?" Emmett advanced on Jasper again but he didn't touch him this time, "What's that got to do with me? I've been clean for years."

"It's not drugs," Jasper sighed, "Em, shit, okay." He shifted about on his feet and looked to Carlisle for some sort of support, "Your father was a cop, right?"

Emmett grunted his response.

"There was an accident years ago that your father was involved in. Laurent Cooven, James's Father split his time between, Forks, Miama and New York, he was already running in circles with Marnio and was known to the police for drug trafficking and minor offenses which he spent time in the can for," Jasper took a gulp of his beer and nervously watched Emmett for his reaction, " before his arrest all stations on the east coast were issued with the warrant for his arrest and it so happened your Father was on duty the night Laurent showed his face in a Forks restaurant. The owner clocked him and called it in to your Father but Laurent had left the restaurant before they could pick him up but – well shit, it resulted in a car chase and Laurent gunned it thinking he could outrun the three cop cars in pursuit."

Listening to Jasper's cool, calm account of that night my mind started to whir. Jane and Bree Cooven, deceased. I put two and two together before Jasper spoke the words and I groaned again into my hands.

"- the chase ended in a Laurent losing control of the car and killing not only his wife and daughter but another family travelling outside of the Quileute Reserve that night," Jasper finished.

"You have got to be fuckin kidding me?" Emmett erupted, he span around to look at Carlisle "is this shit for real?"

"It would seem so," Carlisle visibly gulped and pushed gently on Emmett's shoulder indicating he sit, and then he did the same for Jasper, "and it would be prudent to stop bickering amongst ourselves if this is in fact true. I fear we have one hell of a fight on our hands."

"You have the law on your side," Jasper said quietly, "I can guarantee the chief wants to lock Cooven up for good and his filth Father too. As for Marnio, heck, I dunno if he can be linked so easily but we can sure give it a go, right?"

I sat. I watched. Emmett was doing his best to keep his cool and Jasper looked contrite and – Alice was staring at him like he had two fucking heads. Rosalie was as always hard to read under her mask of contempt for the world and – Esme. She was tapping furiously into her phone with a glint of determination in her eyes.

"Esme?" I moved to stand beside and read over her shoulder.

"Jared?" Carlisle rose an eyebrow at me. I nodded back.

"Uncle Jared?" Alice broke her stares at Jazz and jumped when the doorbell rang.

"That'll be the food. Shall we dine in the conservatory?" Carlisle moved swiftly towards the door brandishing his wallet, "- no bickering," he called over his shoulder, "we're a family now more than ever."


	21. Chapter 21

Bella's POV

There was talking. But I ignored it. It was far too light and beautiful here to listen to those angry, tight voices that drifting through the air and to me. If I concentrated hard enough the rustle of the trees and the gentle call of the grass beneath my feet drowned them out. They did not scare me. Nothing could scare me here.

Laying back in the grass the sun licked against my skin and warmed my bones. I could feel the light turn to gold at my sore joints and soothe away the pain I had come to know for so long.

I liked it here.

It was calm. The sky was the bluest of blues and the grass the greenest of greens. The birds were my song and – I turned my head and smiled at the angel lying beside me. He smiled back, a stretched, happy smile. I could smell his breath like honey and his scent invited me in, drawing me closer until I was in his arms once again.

"My Edward," I whispered into the white of shirt.

"My Bella," he whispered right back and it made me giggle to be his. All his. Heart and soul, forever.

We lay for years, side by side, smiling at one another, lacing fingers into fingers and hand and hair. His knuckles brushed my smooth cheek and his lips grazed my closed eyelids. I sighed and arched and wanted for his touch. He was mine and I was his. It was perfect. Our meadow. Our sunlight.

Our summer and spring and fall. The winter did not chill us. It only coated our world in sparkling white. When it rained we laughed at the raindrops tickling our skin. When the leaves fluttered down from their branches, we danced and hummed together as if a storm of orange golds and browns.

"Bella?" I lifted my head from my angels heart – what did he call me? His love. I lifted my head from my loves shining heart, "we have to go," he whispered.

I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay this way forever. Lifetimes weren't nearly long enough.

"One more dance?" I asked of him.

"In another life, love," he kissed my soul and placed his hand over my heart, "wake up, my love. It's time for dinner."

Dinner?

I frowned. Dinner and food didn't exist in our meadow. I blinked and caught his eyes pleading me.

"Wake up," he said without moving his lips.

"Ed-ward," I blinked again and the light faded. But no shadows appeared. Just – softer light. Light that flooded from the ceiling rather than the sky and all around.

"Sleepy head," Edward brushed his knuckles against my cheek like in the dream but this time it felt rough. Tainted broken skin caught on his perfect fingers, "are you hungry?"

I nodded and tried to sit up, my head swimming slightly.

"Easy," he helped me sit and moved the white blanket from my legs folding it into a square and placing it in my lap, "The meds will make you drowsy for a second."

I smiled again and before he could move away I stroked a finger along his jaw to check he was real. This was all real.

"Hi," he whispered, pressing his hand over mine so that it cupped the side of his face.

"Hel-lo," I mumbled to him, aware my mouth felt like it was coated in tar and may smell.

"Everyone is going to join us in here for dinner, is that ok?" he asked of me. Dinner. I had eaten food last night. And for lunch. Lunch had stayed down in my stomach and settled me slightly. I could eat soup with Carlisle and – I searched for her name and failed. I could eat dinner with them all. I nodded again and smiled, "are you okay?"

"I - ," I pulled a face of discomfort and – I needed the bathroom.

"Are you in pain? I can fetch you something."

"I n-need the bathroom," I told his quietly. I could hear the others and I didn't want them to know. If they knew they may – I shook my head to one side, once and then twice and it hurt. Looking at Edward, I felt embarrassed, "Wh-what is that?" I asked of him again, "when I do that- ?"

"Nerves, love," Edward moved the blanket from my lap and offered me his hand, "it will fade as you start to get better. Shall we?" he grinned. I took his hand and used his weight to help me to stand. I felt better for sleeping, and I felt better for dreaming of happy things rather than the shadows – shadows. I glanced around me warily and then to the door where they lurked.

And –

I jumped slightly as light suddenly appeared they, the shadows vanished in an instant.

"Jesus, it's like the blackhole of Calcutta," a voice boomed and –

"Emmett!" I burst out before I could stop myself. And – I clapped my hands over my mouth causing me to lose balance a little.

"Woah, easy there, Bells," he winked, "how are you feeling?"

I nodded, my bravery gone but thankful that he had made the shadows disappear. I knew Emmett now. My big, dumb brother. The one who always threatened my boyfriends and the one who showed me peanut butter and jelly AND chocolate spread sandwiches were the best. The big brother who taught me how to throw a punch right and who teased and taunted me all of the time always with a smile and a laugh.

"Atta girl," He winked again and flopped down into one of the big cushions and – noise filled the room over the radio. The TV.

"Emmett, turn that down and get your feet off of the table," the woman swept in. Esme, I remembered and was holding a stack of plates and something I didn't know what it was, "wash up, you two," Esme smiled at us both.

I walked most of the way to the bathroom myself with Edward at my side in case I should fall. The bathroom was large and white and clinical. I carefully relieved myself as Edward waited just outside of the door and then I washed my hands, quietly inspecting the reflection in the mirror before me.

I was a ghost. No. I was a monster. I – I swallowed and tried to be brave like Edward had asked of me. I would heal – I would – I snuck a peek again and tilted my head to look at my left eye. The skin surrounding it was red and shiny and – it looked like burns. Burning and I gasped and staggered back as a sudden flash of memory hit me.

"No – nnno," I fisted my hands and tried to push it away. Be brave. Be brave. Do not scream. No bella –, "no."

"Bella?" a tap at the door was all it took to drag me back into reality.

"unghmm?"

"Is everything okay?"

I clamped my mouth and eyes shut. I was ok. I would try, I had to.

"I – I c-c-come in," I said aloud, albeit in a shaking stretched voice.

"- jesus," Edward rushed over to me and crouched down to help me stand, "are you hurt? Did you faint?"

"th-they – they burnt my face," I said plainly, I touched my eye and winced, pointing to it for him to see, "they burnt me."

"Deep breaths, love," Edward led me away from the mirror and out into the hallway where Emmett had snapped off the shadows.

"I'm t-ttrying," I told him carefully.

"I know," he pressed his lips to my temple and kept them there as he spoke, "I am so proud of you, I can see you are trying so hard. Do you still want to eat with everyone?"

"- y-yes," I held onto his waist for support, "ple-ease."

"Good girl," he smiled, "did you hurt yourself when you fell down?"

I shook my head. And smiled. Smiling. Always smiling.

I shuffled back into the conservatory and looked on the lively affair before me. There were food cartons lined up on the tale and lots of plate of steaming food and glasses and beer bottles. I counted them. Four beer bottles. Five serving spoons and ten knives and fourteen forks. Seven bodies. I squeezed my eyes shut and took in a shaky breath.

"Alright, boo?" Emmett looked up at me first and everyone else looked far too interested in their food than in me. I nodded and shuffled forward again, dragging my cast awkwardly. Sitting down in my spot, Edward lay the blanket on my lap again and Esme handed me a plate of food. I stared down at it. I wasn't sure what everything was on the plate but it smelt good and looked colourful.

"Here," Edward handed me a knife and fork, "eat what you can," he told me in a low voice so no one else could hear and he sat on the floor at my feet and took an empty plate for himself, filling it with food like mine. I watched him snap a pair of chopsticks and – he started to eat.

I could eat with chopsticks. From when I was little I remembered – my mother taught me. Don't pinch, simply lay them between your fingers and let the food rest of the two prongs. I – I daren't tell them I could do it. I wasn't sure if – well I couldn't tell them. What if I couldn't anymore? I looked down at my scarred hands. Did I remember how?

Slowly I began to eat tuning out their talking. I wanted to eat the delicious food and not let nerves get the better of me. My stomach turned as I thought of them watching me but when I looked up no one was.

"- will Uncle Jared come to stay with us?" Alice was asking. She wasn't sat with Inspector Whitlock. I frowned and watched him dig at his food with – my eyes grew, aggression. He was angry. What was he angry at? Me? Was I – I no he had been kind this morning.

"I think so, yes," Esme nodded curtly. She was angry too.

Everyone was mad. Why were they mad? And why smile if they were mad? Smiles deceive and –

"Eat, Bella," Edward said to me softly.

I realised I hadn't eaten even a quarter of the plate. I wound some noodles onto the fork and raised it to my lips.

"Jared's the man, Bells," Emmett spoke up. He was sat beside me and he was eating seconds, "this one time we were all in this bar and this chick was hitting on him, right? And Jared's gayer than gay and he fucking -."

"Emmett," Carlisle shook his head.

"What?" he frowned.

"Who- who's Jared?" I asked.

"He's my brother," Esme told me quietly, "I've asked him to come to stay with us, he will be able to help you."

Help? Was he another doctor? I already had Edward. Why would I need another doctor?

"He's a lawyer," Edward said carefully, his eyes meeting mine to stop the panic, "a really good lawyer."

I nodded and smiled. Smile and nod.

"He's the best lawyer," Emmett continued, his mouthful once again, "he'll fuck up those Italian jerks, for sure."

Italian? My eyes darted to Edward's face and I saw it flicker with uncertainty and – pain, I think.

"But enough about that," Esme said chirpily, "let's talk about something else. We bought you a few books Bella."

"Graham Greene and some Jane Austen," Carlisle said, "I have an extensive library of classics in my study if you would like to read those too."

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"Who is your favourite author?"

I looked up and everyone was looking at me waiting for my answer. What was my answer? I shrugged, it was stupid.

"What was the book you used to read over and over again at school?" Emmett mused, "Seriously, she'd spend all her money on books and then read the same one over and over like you were going to find something else in it, or something."

"Bonf-fi-fire of-," I let my voice trail off.

"Bonfire of the Vanities?" Carlisle nodded encouragingly, "I have read that book many times too."

He had?

"Hitch – hikers g-g-guide to the- ," I closed my eyes, trying to join in. I was but - , "galaxy," I stumbled across the word and felt Edward's hand on my foot, squeezing it for encouragement, "Da-day of the Triffids?"

"Both excellent books," Carlisle winked. He winked, "I will have to lend you the new Phillip Roth novel, I think you may enjoy it if you like to read Tom Wolfe's work."

I nodded and as the others began to talk about other things Carlisle and I carefully shared novels we had read and loved. He seemed to have read everything I had and he started to get quite animated as he spoke of an author called David Eggers. I hadn't heard of him. Perhaps he was new. I didn't want to ask and break his enthusiasm as he talked about African planes and air travel and all of the things the writer wrote about. Edward was quietly listening, all the while eating slowly and nudging me whenever I forgot about the food in front of me.

I liked Carlisle. He had a calm and authoritive manner about him. He was head of the family but – he – he seemed nice. He wouldn't shout. I didn't think he would. He listened and waited patiently if I could not remember a name or a place of a title. He seemed to respect if I liked a book or not. I didn't like to read Emily Bronte or Charlotte Bronte and he said he did. I winced slightly – it was wrong to dislike them. I waited for a change in his behaviour towards me it never came. He didn't even ask me why I didn't like their writing. He accepted it and asked me if I liked Charles Dickens.

"Have you two bookworms finished with your plates?" Esme was stood in front of us and I realised to my surprise I had eaten everything on it. I nodded and Edward handed it up to her. She smiled down at me before she left the room with Jasper and Rosalie quickly following her to help with the dishes.

"I have something for you, Bella," Carlisle said quietly and instantly froze. What did he have? I looked down at Edward. He was calm. He didn't think anything sinister was about to happen but – those words – we were having a good conversation. What was it that he wanted now?

He left the room to fetch it and I didn't like it one bit. I watched his back as he left and – my tummy did a somersault anticipating his return with dread. Emmett was sprawled out on the chair, watching the TV again and – Alice was too. They didn't share my anxiety – was that a good sign? They seemed so at ease here – how could that be?

"Relax," Edward was sitting beside me now and whispering my ear, "Remember? You're in a safe place.

"What does he want?" I murmured.

"I don't know, my love but he's my Dad, he isn't going to hurt you," Edward assured me.

I waited and with each minute Carlisle was gone I got more worried about what it could be. When he finally returned I saw the can of soda in his hand and – I almost burst into tears. He remembered I liked his soda. I –

"Th – thank you," I whispered, taking it gently from his proffered hand.

"You're welcome. I bought a whole pack for us both today," he grinned mischievously, "they are in the refrigerator so you can help yourself whenever you want one."

"Thank you," I repeated and pulled back the ring pull with a smile. I was in a safe place. I would remember to repeat that to myself when I next felt anxious.


End file.
